Darwin’s Journal

[Darwinn]

Had a strong desire to reform what I eat and generally start to make my health better. Did a 48 hr water fast and felt amazing. But now I’m just feeling tired and a little worn out. The mind is willing but the body won’t respond.

[Darwinn]

Oh and two day break from tomorrow - think I need it

[jonathan4all]

Had a strong desire to reform what I eat and generally start to make my health better. Did a 48 hr water fast and felt amazing. But now I’m just feeling tired and a little worn out. The mind is willing but the body won’t respond.

Take electrolyte check snake juice recipe on youtube, You will be good to lift and do other stuff.

[Darwinn]

Thanks man - will check it out.

Second day off after my second 8 day run.

I'm full of forboding about the future. i'm about to take on a massive amount of debt and risk, and at least for the next year will have to watch every cent i spend. I've never had this before with any new corner turned/levelling up there is a kind of darkness and uncertainty. It's horrible but strangely i have the attitude that being faced with these dark chasms of risk is a necessary condition for growth.

Feels not unlike standing in an organic waste bin while the world tells you no one loves you and you'd be better off just wearing a bag over your head for the rest of your life.

Spoke too soon on that offer of some extra dosh every year - it fell through.

[Darwinn]

I should qualify that this is nothing compared to previously where such misery would be overwhelming. Now it just seems like a part of the process.

[Darwinn]

Man I am missing the cognitive benefits and the sheer joy of curiousity I had on MLS, it helped me be more resilient - now with uslm I’m just mentally tired and not nearly as sharp. I’m starting to think my ideal sub would be UMOP, US, SE and MLS - not so sure I even care that much about LM , free stuff and some helpful happenstance is very fun , but it’s not proving fundamentally useful - unless things have come about which I haven’t put down to LM that were useful.

[Raikahoken]

Man I am missing the cognitive benefits and the sheer joy of curiousity I had on MLS, it helped me be more resilient - now with uslm I’m just mentally tired and not nearly as sharp. I’m starting to think my ideal sub would be UMOP, US, SE and MLS - not so sure I even care that much about LM , free stuff and some helpful happenstance is very fun , but it’s not proving fundamentally useful - unless things have come about which I haven’t put down to LM that were useful.

I feel the same about USLM and MLS.

[Darwinn]

There’s a definite energy issue with this sub. Success is part manifestation, and a lot of focussed action , both of which require energy - I go through bursts of intense, focussed and highly productive work but I crash and burn and feel miserable after I finish. It’s like my body isn’t used to being at a certain level of life, it taxes my nervous system.

Not much Is happening with US now and I suspect it’s because of this.

Edit

Stuff is still happening, but it’s quite up and down and the success is around the more basic parts of life, cleaning organising and responding to surprise challenges.

[Darwinn]

So I’ve been on this sub for over a month, I had some good results but I feel like this was a useful break from MLS more than anything - so I will go back to that now

[jonathan4all]

So I’ve been on this sub for over a month, I had some good results but I feel like this was a useful break from MLS more than anything - so I will go back to that now

Are you gonna take few weeks break ?

[Darwinn]

More like few days. My experience with these subs is that I get something like a synthesis when I swap over rather than turbulence. I kind of feel like the subs I’ve been doing, SE, MLS and now US have been supportive of each other rather than being opposed in any way.

[Darwinn]

So back on MLS for the last 48 hours. Mo terrible effects, though I had some depression which I got over with a couple of runs and trips to the gym.

[Darwinn]

Something occurred to me today - while meditating and going about things I came into a state where I was completely enough as I am and had no need for anything external to my self - it made me wonder whether a big issue with subs might be just that much of the time we’re doing them on the premise that something is fundamentally wrong, and it has to be fixed. The more we execute the more contrast there is to that something wrong and the more I end up bouncing back at some point.

On life tune up I noticed that ‘hope’ was in there as a potential entrant - hope for what I wonder - hope seems like an unhelpful projection into the future and again contains a seed of something very wrong. Don’t know if that makes any sense to y’all.

Anyway - back on learning python and making solid progress. At this rate I would be done with my course by the end of the month and will be Up and running with my trading algorithms
By the end of the year.

[Darwinn]

I'm in what I perceive to be a repetitive, but hopefully ascendant, cycle since I've been doing 5.5g subs.

(1) slow start with sparks of results and a sense of something working deeply on me
(2) seeking out supporting information, books and other influences to help guide the development of a new way of being with increasingly noticeable differences
(3) realising in a lot of detail why I'm holding back from pursuing the sub goals properly, or rather realising with a strong sense of certainty and finding out how to over come them
(4a.) working out how to over come this issue, with the sub's support and exploding with results or;
(4b.) not quite integrating how to overcome the issue, partially executing getting some results
(5.) carrying on with things not being noticeable - at this stage, I've stopped properly doing the sub though, I'm using it intermittently or not quite in line with the rules. I've started behaving in ways inconsistent with executing which have crept in subtly, the odd cigarette, eating bad food which leads to brain fog etc.

Finally I refresh, either I start a new sub or take a break from the current sub.

Anyway on USLMax. As I mentioned in Shannons journal journal - opportunities are coming forth in complex ways. I've been told about two jobs now which quite match the criteria I had for leaving my current job. However I'm feeling unconfident about moving from where I am so I will have to pick up momentum on going for these jobs before I get in my own head.