Darwin’s Journal

[Darwinn]

Taking the man's advice and going one day on and one day off. Today I'm on .

I produced two significantly large pieces of work in the last couple of weeks, the special thing in it is that it was done, over the last week with a minimum of stress, and a seek the challenge mentality. Feedback on this work has been really good so far.

[Darwinn]

I've never actually had the attitude of 'it's not win/lose, it's win/learn'. My performance in everything seems to be much better because my fear of failure is moving into an enjoyment of the opportunity to learn. This i very new.

[Darwinn]

Noting a few things which surprised the hell out of me

1) I'm able to eat things without getting super tired or getting brain fog (wheat used to knock me out - not doing that nearly as much) - this is a very concrete change.

2) I noticed that i haven't struggled to fall asleep in a while - i can't remember when this started, all i know is that up until recently when i went to bed, one of my major fears was i wouldn't fall asleep

3) i've had praise from work colleagues about my intellect - this hasn't ever happened to me before from work colleagues - and i honestly don't think i've outwardly given any reason for them to do this, I wouldn't have mentioned it if it was a one off, but it's happened several times in the last couple of weeks. This shouldn't be an outcome of MLS in terms of manifestation, so presumably it's just my own self image changing and people picking up on it.

[LionKing]

Do you listen while sleeping? Because I remember from MLS that there was, I suppose, so much brain activity that I had difficulty falling asleep every night. I've also learned to nap quite well sometime maybe recently; I was thinking it might be from using the sleep aid for one round every night.

[Darwinn]

I was listening while sleeping with earphones and found I was fine falling asleep (which I’ve never been before) then I lost my earphones and got new ones which poked into my ears too much and were uncomfortable so switched to day time.

[Darwinn]

Happy, relaxed, delighting in knowledge, challenges and thoughtful engagement with people and problems.

Best sub experience i've had to date.

However, i recently drank for the first time in a long time which has diminished the impacts slightly - nevertheless it's recovering.

[Darwinn]

After taking a short break I realised I’ve been throwing sand in the wheels of this program. Near the beginning I was getting in shape, losing a lot of weight with intermittent fasting, cutting out inflammation causing things from my diet, particularly grains and dairy. I was feeling on top of the world - These things have always made me feel dull and listless, but much as I’ve tried to cut them out I go back to them (because it’s just too easy to rationalise why a bit of bread won’t hurt, and then. I just go back to sufferin.

This time when I fell back into having bread and dairy, I felt no significant impact on energy and focus and mood so I kept on. What’s interesting though is I didn’t bother too much about the incredible boosts in cognition I’d gained which were now deteriorating. I kept on eating bread and stopped doing exercise and basically just got happy with average. Something I uncovered during a break is that I was also very scared of things getting out of control - if I’m a super genius I might just become focussed on work and lose any friends, I may just leave all my family and people around me in the dust, I will draw criticism , I’ll be over confident and do something stupid , who am I to be speaking so confidently and producing ideas which are potentially going to change things anyway??

I don’t know exactly what to do about this narrative but expose it. Part of it is true - super intelligence is only one aspect f life, being able to lead and connect with people requires human intelligence and empathy, creating solutions for the worlds problems requires an access to egolessness so you don’t do things which fuck it up more, and intelligence/ ability to learn with laziness (which I have in spades) basically means you’ll look for ways to content yourself with the minimum.

On the other hand I’m invited through this program to learn how to overcome laziness, to invest strategically in practices which develop that sense of purpose and states beyond the small ego and to continue to play the long game. As far as controlling an out of control intellect, well what’s coming up is acceptance that I may get it wrong but it may well just be better to hang my balls out there and be ready to attract the inevitable criticism that comes with it rather than just continue to hide.

Anyway back on the health vibe, a 40 day yogic sadhana is under way so let’s see about cultivating this grounded ness beyond immediate success.

On practical measures; on MBTI ive gone from ENFP to ENTJ/P - my judgment faculty has improved a lot and it’s helped me to detach from unhealthy relationships and reduced neediness from people as well as given me a better ability to defend my self esteem against unhelpful influences (including negative self talk)

[Darwinn]

Encountering the first stonewalling I’ve had since the beginning - I noticed it was stone walking because it was so much like previous sub experiences and wasn’t like what I’ve experienced on this sub and the self esteem sub - just unchallengeable numbness like I may as well be listening to cars driving by - only slightly annoying and a feeling of futility.

It turned back onto itself though when I asked can this be a learning opportunity - from there I found myself in an enquiry about ‘what is it about my current situation and myself that I am just unwilling to accept’. It took a while but I got there.

You see I’m in a situation where I’ve put myself in a weak position at work and I’ve got competitors breathing down my neck, it makes me feel helpless and like everyone is against me. Anyway I could go on about why addressing this and accepting it and all the reactions has freed me up again and re awoken my execution of the sub but I don’t feel like it right now. Maybe later

[Darwinn]

Been on this programme for 2 months. Unlike the last time I ddid it it’s having strong persistent impacts. My gut is saying another couple of weeks and then US.

[Benjamin]

What were you using now? MLS?

[Darwinn]

Yup. I’m loving it. But I have a strong gut feeling, like with SE , that US is another part that needs to be in my core operating system. MLS is still with me , and my intelligence has grown , but I just don’t have myself as a winner, whilst I want success for myself - conscious success has not been a part of my reality yet so I won’t allow myself to do tangible things in the world and complete them.

[Darwinn]

I had to move to US/LM - had an honest to god lure and just knew i'd topped out in MLS for now.

4 days later and ho-ly-shit is this thing crazy. No matter where i go, i run into someone i know. I've had such great opportunities come my way out of the blue, i can't even talk about the main ones. so some minor things.

The first night i used it, the morning that followed i ran into an old boss outside my office, who gave me useful info for a task i'm trying to do - then as i was meeting with someone he happened to be walking by - again and gave me an opportunity to do something which is massively raising my profile. Then i had a problem with another work issue - and the guy who i needed to talk to just rocked up at my desk!

I could go on and on about these, i went to another building and ran into another old boss who is now a managing director in another company - and she asked me to put in a meeting to catch up over a coffee.

So many more but i'll stop there.

I would say the important thing is i am getting in touch with success and what it means, and how to achieve it. my mind set is shifting from needing to get there now, to success in stages, to getting one thing right then moving on (that sounds very linear, i'm actually on around 5 different causal goal streams)

It's a weird sub, i don't get the one vs. seven loop thing. I do one loop in the morning on the way to work, and one in the evening on the way back. I know this isn't efficient but I actually just enjoy listening to it, while listening i'm just chilled, productive and in flow. One sacrifice i've made though is i don't have the same level of mad fascination with learning - i'm still learning but now it's to very specific ends; coding so i can coach a group and produce a product etc.

[Benjamin]

Sounds awesome.

Shannon has said 1 loop is generally best for most people, but for people who have alot of resistance 7 is likely better. He discovered this with DMSI 3.2.

[Darwinn]

Crazy weekend - around 6 unlikely occurrences ranging from just finding a parking spot right outside a restaurant in the centre of the city (i live in one of the busiest cities in the world - that just doesn't happen) to someone calling me up to view a house - since i'm looking to buy one , which again seemed quite perfect.

I'm feeling more motivated, and have accomplished a lot - i've started going through a coding course, cooked an amazing meal for some relatives, cleaned the house - the list goes on.

I'm having some strange emotions - somehow i'm thinking a lot about the preciousness of life, and the emptiness of it. i'm looking after my old dad. It feels like life is moving along, i'm with a woman i love, getting a home, and before i know it i'll be an old man myself. There's something sad about it. Somehow it makes me deeply aware of how insignificant i am in the scheme of life, and at the end i and ll that i love will be just be a faded memory - if even that. i've never felt this before and i don't know why the f it's happening now, and if it's related to this sub. It's a heavy grief , but also a deep love.