Darwin’s Journal

[Darwinn]

Chaos is gone, tis truly a shame. I respect the admins and acknowledge that there was probably a lot going on behind the scenes, and I know Chaos simply would do almost anything to not feel like he'd lost or feel 'made to back down'. Still a valuable contributor in many ways and he will be missed; I think it falls upon the rest of us to make some more effort in keeping the life in this forum.

So this is the recent thing I've been brought to by MLS. I've done a lot of pondering over the common thread that links all the underachievement in my life, and have boiled it down to two issues. I'm in the middle of some work now so will go into it more later.

[Darwinn]

So I haven't posted in a long time. I just haven't had any need or desire - I've watched the forum wars with mild concern, but largely have not cared at all. The main focus for me has been cultivating the basis for having a good functional mind and life, as well as 'learning' how to think which I didn't realise that I didn't know how to do before. After I got rejected from a first job interview I absolutely SMASHED my next and now am in a new job for more money and which is more interesting. My ability to dissect what went wrong and be clear headed enough to formulate a better approach meant I approached the interview better than any time before.

This capacity to formulate new patterns is proving invaluable and gives me hope that I can choose anything now, visualise how to do it and do the shit out of it. The speed isn't there though, it's slow work formulating these new patterns but now I have the resilience to do it.

I have to say I disagree with the sentiment I've come across about how this forum is somehow diminished - far from it I'm seeing people who looked repetitive and stagnant posting with an entirely new energy and life. The evolution continues.

[Zane]

Keep Going buddy. I know people on MLS-5.5G are too busy improving their mind and life to visit this forum. Still keep us updated monthly.

[Darwinn]

I've lost track of where I am in terms of how long I've been on this Sub. If there have been changes since I last used it then they are subtle or naturalised to the point where I can't notice. Some tangibles to note though.

Meeting anxiety, and generally anxiety about interacting with people I previously deemed intimidating has diminished to near zero.

My focus and concentration is still pretty low. I've been doing Dual N-Back training recently which seems to be helping, though it has woken me up to how under developed some of my brain function is, particularly with working memory. I'm going to continue doing this training but it really feels like chewing glass. I can't actually get passed N=4 (which should indicate the level of retarded i'm currently at).

I've lost about 16 lbs and gone from being very overweight to average in about 4 weeks - this is purely through reforming my diet, I was having ridiculous amounts of white carbs and high sugar processed food, losing weight has just been a function of having a normal, not shit bag diet. The next stage will be to bring in regular gym training to build up muscle and increase my basal metabolic rate. I am not over extending myself at all. Very much in it for the long haul, so no going ape with trying to have all the results in the world yesterday in order to feel like I'm 'ok'

Finances are better than ever, I've stopped spending on BS and begun putting aside around 70% of my monthly income - I'm developing a simple savings strategy through low cost funds to ensure that - if I don't make millions as an entrepreneur - I at least don't shoot myself in the balls with poor money management.

I'm continuing this sub indefinitely, but at some point I need to have a break and get a booster shot on the presence via either the AM6 refresher or DMSI 3.2 when it's out.

I've become better at being honest and expressing my feelings, having difficult adult conversations with people I love, and people who have crossed the line with me, taking more and more responsibility for how my relationships show up. Recently had a problem with someone I was managing/coaching - had a total attitude problem. My normal approach would be to either switch off because 'there's nothing you can do with people like that', but this time I pushed and constructively challenged, remaining neutral and keeping to principles over emotion; the result was they totally apologised (after first arguing and then walking away) and admitted that their behaviour had been a pattern that had gone on through out their whole lives - they thanked me for the challenge and said they needed it!.

Hmm, maybe that's more than I thought.

[Zane]

Being Honest and Principles over emotions stuff even happened to me. I am kinda surprised when I see people accept their mistakes and listen to my advice. I knew it was MLS-5.5G but never bothered much about it.

[Darwinn]

nothing much has happened MLS wise but i feel like i'm getting DMSI effects! it's possible that that strange future ecco phenomena is happening again with DMSI from next month spilling back into the past.

[Darwinn]

So I think I may be done with this sub.


I've been running it since it first came out and now - in spite of my enthusiasm, it just seems pointless, nothing is happening. I wish I knew how to not stonewall, but I don't.

[Darwinn]

Also it seems fortuitous that self esteem is coming out now I think I will have a go at that. With my cognition issues I wonder sometimes if my lack of self worth keeps coming in to scupper imporovements and maybe self esteem will remedy this upper limit problem once and for all

[Darwinn]

I'm back on MLS. I've worked on cementing self esteem for a good while, now i want to see what this baby does given i no longer have a fundamental belief that i'm an unworthy piece of shit

[Zane]

I'm back on MLS. I've worked on cementing self esteem for a good while, now i want to see what this baby does given i no longer have a fundamental belief that i'm an unworthy piece of shit

That's pretty much what I have in mind.

[Darwinn]

Also Ben, I owe you guys some money I'll message you personally to explain (no i haven't done anything dodgy/stolen anything)

[Darwinn]

I'd say it's worth it Zane. I'd even have considered taking a good year for the SE sub, but the impacts were becoming less noticeable and i'd gotten to a stage where i didn't feel there was much more to gain.

If you do the SE sub I'd very much recommend you read the six pillars of self esteem a long side it, it's been eye opening to say the least. Wish you absolutely every success with it.

[Zane]

Also Ben, I owe you guys some money I'll message you personally to explain (no i haven't done anything dodgy/stolen anything)

Idk why but I found last part funny

Idk why but I am laughing alot these days..Must be DMSI

[Benjamin]

Also Ben, I owe you guys some money I'll message you personally to explain (no i haven't done anything dodgy/stolen anything)

Hmm ok, i'll wait for your message.