Darwin’s Journal

[Darwinn]

It's been a long time since I started subs (well relatively long...two years?), in that time I've gone from a mostly depressed and anxious kid to an adult with a long term partner, more and more at peace with himself and his journey.

When I started I was ragingly hungry and desperate to prove something. I needed results 'right now' or I was worthless. Two and a half runs of AM6 made me somewhat dark, though ironed out a lot of issues I was having. In between I returned to LTU in order to pick up my self esteem, and get to a more positive state.

Last year I spent a good bit of time on Max Learning Speed, and whilst this improved my learning, somehow it made me lose all the rules I had about diet and keeping fit - I gained a lot of weight and ended up canning it.

Now I'm living with my long term girlfriend, and making daily progress toward my goals I have a much more long term outlook. All the reading I've done over these last few years and all my experience has shown me that letting go of desires and wants, paying less and less attention to the smallness of my own ego, and living from a natural place of active acceptance is the best path I've found.

That doesn't mean not doing anything, in fact the opposite is true, now action taking is daily getting stronger and coming from a place of enjoying challenge, pushing through blocks and growth in perspective and ability to contribute.

Anyway, as I was saying living with my partner, I'm looking to take a long solid block of time devoted to LTU in order to create the foundation for our life based on self love, and the elimination of guilt shame and fear.

I still have vast amounts of things to work though, it seems that every layer I pull out reveals endless more issues so the journey continues.

So far it's been two days and it's awesome to come back to a place of 'I am enough, fuck the rest'. I'm goal setting again and realised a huge source of procrastination is that I don't actually want to do what I'm doing, or at least a big part of me isn't aligned with my current work. the challenge is to offer that part what it needs and respect it (myself) rather than beat up myself for not getting with the program.

Let's see where it goes from here.

[Darwinn]

I really wasn't expecting it to kick in so quickly!

3 days in and while I've always thought of improvements in terms of how my fear is dissolving - I'm noticing a stark absence of shame for the first time. I didn't even realise previously how much it deprives me of life. feeling literally blissful but also concerned (expected) about how I act from this space.

In terms of results so far

- rediscovering how I used to approach things as a child, working and exploring things purely through fascination, wonder and flow; it occurs to me that this is a core motive force for work when negativity isn't in play.
- noticing the relationship between me and my partner is far more loving, happy and attentive
- absence of fear in goals I'm setting
- at work I'm more curious about what I'm doing and more enthused by it, though this is offset by a desire to enjoy myself so I'm finding myself enjoying listening to music and doing what work I feel like (which could turn problematic)
-refusal to do myself down/criticise myself

Seems like a good start, though yesterday I was finding myself annoyed because I wasn't working like I should (too chilled). after meditating it occurred that I'm just not working because I don't really want to, and because I don't really want to and I've been forcing myself, which is kind of like being at war with myself. So today I'm just like fine, if I don't want to work I won't, but let me find why I want to and go at it from there, which seems to kinda work, it's still getting there though.

[Chris P. Bacon]

LTU is a good sub, I am running it right now as well. Glad to see someone else getting quick results also.

[ArcticFox]

Realy good posts and insight into your LTU journey, another that I will be following. I especially realte to your comment on procrastination:

"I'm goal setting again and realised a huge source of procrastination is that I don't actually want to do what I'm doing, or at least a big part of me isn't aligned with my current work. the challenge is to offer that part what it needs and respect it (myself) rather than beat up myself for not getting with the program."

I believe this is similar to why i have such internal conflicts, my true self knows to follow the heart but the part of me that has been brought up with the 9-5 job, house, kids program is fighting back.

[Mystic Pymp]

Great to hear your story. I remember when I started with LTU 2 years ago and now I can't help but wonder how I would fell running it back again after 2 AM runs and some other subs on the way where I'm now.

Best of luck to you

[Darwinn]

Thanks guys.

So a few more days in and learning to live without negativity as a driving force is coming along. It's interesting to approach problems such as laziness at work, unproductivity and social anxiety from this place of I'm enough.

A couple of things I've noted myself as I try to improve at work. Previously under the 'results needed now to make me not feel horrible about myself' I would go go big displays of excellence and burn out leading to very sporadic good results followed by just coasting. Now working from 'I am enough' and not really caring about needing to show immediate results, I'm developing what I call the 'operations' or 'infrastructure' for success. I remembered a quote when I was at the gym that 'success hails from the organisation of the non obvious', and I think that's right.

In my experience winning at something , like say something at work, in any sort of healthy lasting way came from factors such as just being well slept over the previous few days, being in a positive mood because I was going to the gym and socialising without drinking and eating well (not processed crap).

So yeah, I'm taking my eyes off immediate 'big' results and looking at wellbeing in general, a slow build up of positive habits. I'm about 16 days into daily meditation as well.

[Darwinn]

Yesterday had the most productive and positive day I've had in...probably 10 years. Doing exercise every day and really just enjoying life. I'm struggling with thoughts of 'with so much suffering in the world, why should I be so happy' so there is an issue of deservedness.

I feel immense gratitude about everything. last night it was cold and I had a hot shower and I thought 'imagine, once upon a time only kings could bathe in hot water' - I enjoyed the shit out of a normal shower!

I actually received some bad news at work - that I'd been given a low grading for performance for the past six months (which wasn't surprising, I was pretty checked out). what was surprising is I was more chilled about it than my boss who was upset and thought his boss was unfair for arguing for my lower grade - I just said it was fine, i'll use it as a spur to do better.

Also just seem to be getting on better with people around me.

Yes. LTU is fricken awesome.

I'm taken aback when I read the amount of 'I just need to have sex' journals. Not so much by the content but how much I've moved on since the days when I was the same - subs have pushed me quite a long way I guess.

[Zane]

I'm taken aback when I read the amount of 'I just need to have sex' journals. Not so much by the content but how much I've moved on since the days when I was the same - subs have pushed me quite a long way I guess.

I felt the say way when I did LTU

[Darwinn]

2 and a half weeks.

- Motivation is down, but my thirst for solutions is high. I'm gobbling up books on forex trading (to get to a baseline income outside of my day job).
- I'm also being resourceful in meeting challenges I'm facing. I'm trying to develop a tech product but my coding is weak, don't have enough money to get off work and take a bootcamp so I'm looking at part-time courses on UX design instead which will allow me to develop my product and pitch.
- At work I'm developing my own plan of concrete actions which will take me to a level of skill which will make me more marketable outside of work

I feel almost like I'm on BASE (Which really didn't do anything for me when I did it - apart from leaving me burnt out).

[Darwinn]

Just over a month

Subtle impacts which are profound!

generally feeling smarter/more focussed (I guess this is because I have less negative chatter making me procrastinate)
I'm reading through books I need to go through well
Having the odd bout of glumness which is overcome fairly rapidly

One of the other by-products of getting out of negativity is the ability to have patience with myself and what i''m doing. A lot of my work and goals require daily improvement, learning of complex skills which in turn requires patient progress - the need for validation and results right now make me more able to have tangible acheivments and start to deliver actual value to the people in my life - which is incredible.

I'm really tempted to move back to Base again to see if it works this time, but I know it will be more valuable for the rest of my life to have and be built on a foundation of self love and resilience than to jump to wanting to make an impact in the world without it, so will stick with the plan to do LTU for 6months to a year.

[Zane]

Don't give up.. Keep going.. 5 months more to go..

[kingcobra]

I love LTU and I'm glad to read some positive feedback on it from others.

I would say that before one looks to master the world of business one has to master their own business well first. LTU is more like the basics and once you have that down, and perhaps only when you do, can you look to move on to other goals and tasks.

[Darwinn]

thanks guys - will see this through. It's proving invaluable to work from a place of no need. Life becomes spontaneous and more in flow. It's bumpy as sh*t sometimes when resistence kicks in but then so worth overcoming this.

Seriously looking forward to running business and living life with this foundation.

Most recently, just calmness and in the moment joy from daily life.

[Darwinn]

The Sale is on and all 3g titles are back! I've been learning forex trading on my own and saw a 3g forex trading success sub! I wonder if it's possible to combine 3g and a 5g sub - I know it's not advisable to have anything along side a 5g, but so far from what I've seen this has always been in the context of mixing 4/5g with a 5g program...