DMSI-3.2A

[Zane]

Right now I don't feel like doing anything.. I mean I have to desire to do anything.

Neither bad or good.

Neither productive nor unproductive.

Neither am I happy nor am I sad.

Seriously this is a really confusing state for me right now... Sometimes I feel as if I am in some kinda "Trance"

Appetite is low and I spend most of my time in room or bed. Idk before I used to be worried and uncomfortable that I am wasting my time lying around and doing nothing but this time I am not even worried.. Idk if this a good thing or bad thing..

Not getting worried or feeling anxious mean that ARA module is working but what the hell should I do to be productive... I am do confused right now.. Will post later

[Tigerismyspirit]

Right now I don't feel like doing anything.. I mean I have to desire to do anything.

Neither bad or good.

Neither productive nor unproductive.

Neither am I happy nor am I sad.

Seriously this is a really confusing state for me right now... Sometimes I feel as if I am in some kinda "Trance"

Appetite is low and I spend most of my time in room or bed. Idk before I used to be worried and uncomfortable that I am wasting my time lying around and doing nothing but this time I am not even worried.. Idk if this a good thing or bad thing..

Not getting worried or feeling anxious mean that ARA module is working but what the hell should I do to be productive... I am do confused right now.. Will post later

Why did you just say my words, bro? Are you using A? Or B?

[Zane]

Why did you just say my words, bro? Are you using A? Or B?

Cause we are on DMSI, bro. I am using "A" for past one month.

Everything seems to be falling. Idk what the hell is happening.

[Zane]

Even though I feel frustrated,depressed,unmotivated,sleepy. There is something inside me telling to keep listening to DMSI A. Specially the "A" version. I know that thru all this chaotic/hard core healing . I am gonna be at much better place.

[findingme]

Yeah, the sleepiness and lack of motivation is a sign that the sub is battling your resistance. You're doing 2 loops and you're digging into some deep stuff, by prior sharings of yours.

Great job for sticking with it! DMSI is clearing your headtrash, day by day.

[Zane]

So, today a lot of guests arrived at my house mostly my cousins who r older than me. For some reason I noticed that I wasn't able to make constant eye contact. I mean I was but after sometime I wasn't...I didn't find any reason why was I still doing that cause I couldn't find anything I was ashamed off.. I guess this problem is real deep and related to Lack of confidence or self esteem... But I am learning..


I also noticed that I wasn't afraid to meet them as I was when thay came last year... Last time they came I used to hide in my room and would avoid getting seen. Even if I wanted to meet them I didn't have that strength or guts.. But this time when they came I was a little bit afraid but I went to meet and greet them anyway. There wasn't anything to be afraid off..

Also, I didn't feel the need to impress anyone. Before I would try to impress them and also sometime get high on certain topics when I talk to them but this time I was cool and calm.. ARA module is working good... I didn't try to act as if I was an encyclopedia

I also didn't feel that much exhausted when I meet them.. Usually introverts get exhausted when they are in social crowds but this time i was calm and relaxed... I did feel some fear about speaking my mind but That's ok..

[Zane]

Sometimes I get Impatient and want everything to fix in an instant. But in my two years of subliminal journey I have learned alot about myself/resistance.

There are so many things I wanted to do and learn in life but I couldn't because I wasn't mentally fit. This affected me psychologically and emotionally.

But now I realised that with time I will be fixed and will be able to do stuff I always wanted to do and learn.

Before I used to believe in fate but now some part of doesn't want to believe. Instead I now choose to believe that its our choices that makes us and our life.. I mean I always knew about this but now understand it somewhat at deeper level

[Zane]

Right now I am having thoughts of switching to "B". The reason is because I am feeling as if I am not motivated enough to carry out tasks which requires a little bit of push.

I mean yesterday I felt as if I should read stuff related to the training program I am gonna enroll in but then I Googled the stuff and read like for 40 secs and then motivation gone..

The problem here is that I am kinda ADHD type. When I feel high or if I am simulated then I am not able to channel that motivational energy into productive tasks...Its like a sudden spike. Inshort I can't focus my energy / Fucked up focus.

I have suffered from lack of concentration for a long long time... My memory was awesome even before I fell into depression and shit but my concentration was always shit.. Would take me hours to do stuff what my friends would do in minutes.

I once read somewhere people who can't focus have issues that they havnt solve. So when they try to focus then all of a sudden all unresolved issues suddenly Come up.. Which cause distraction and we get distracted as a means to escape from those problems.

Also, tbh I feel to lazy even to jump on "B". Kinda enjoying this lazy behaviour on"A"...

[findingme]

Thanks for keeping it honest Zane

[Zane]

Also every night when I go to bed I visualize how my life is gonna improve soon.. Like how my mental issues will be fixed and I will be able to achieve my goals and how I will keep on improving little by little slowly in every area of my life..mentally physically and financially.. I mean all good stuff..

This never happened before.. Only when I was a kid.. I love this..

[Zane]

Took "Nows True Focus" the supplement is suppose to make u feel motivated and get things done but I felt the opposite. I didnt feel anything and I am now feeling more tired after I took it. Its been only 3 hours....

I do remember taking it on "B" once in a while and it worked good.

I am thinking of switching to "B" to see how things go.. Right now I am tired so I am gonna take a nap and think about it once again

[Zane]

Write now I am in a state where I feel I should be worried but I cannot. Meaning I should be in a state of anxiety and panic but I am cool and calm. You can say that mentally I am thinking about it and it on my mind but emotionally I am calm.

Now, the thing that is on my mind is that how can I fix my cognitive issues/ motivational issues/focus issues... I mean the only thing which stands between me and my goals is this problem... Wonder how long its gonna take.

Right now I don't have anything useful to post here as I am totally caught up in this HC stuff


I am also wondering that maybe I should go and visit a psychiatrist and speed up my recovery.

[Zane]

So, Today I have a very very sexual dream.. So much that when I woke up.. I had to go and bust my nut and erection was like a rock..

Then I came back and slept again and bamn.. Again sexual dream.. I woke up and rubbed one out again.

Amazing thing is that I didn't involve watching porn or nude pics. Its hard to say if I have lost desire for porn because tbh Idk.. When I do think about watching porn then I don't feel like so maybe if I go for like 1 month without watching then I might consider that I have lost interest.

One more thing...I noticed that my desire for porn increased suddenly before it started decreasing.. So I expect the same pattern in my masterbation habit..

I do notice that I masturbate cause of boredom sometimes and there is a slight change in masturbation habit but it's too minute to says anything..

OH, which reminds me.. Before when I would get bored I would watch nsfw pic and porn but now that I think of it I haven't had any desire to watch it. So I guess wall is working.. Now I hope it works for fapping issues too and soon..

[Zane]

Sometimes I feel as if DMSI is doing nothing and get mad why things are getting fixed as I want them to be.. But it's a subc Bitching I know.. Cause Tbh right now.. There isn't any sub more powerful and efficient than DMSI in terms of healing and it has everything in it.. ARA, DRA US, PTPA STMA-5.5G OPA.. I mean whole god Damn IML is in it (Most of it lol).. So I should stop whining and deal with it..