DMSI 3.2 Random Musings and Journalings

[Have at ye]

I now know that 4 loops has the most oomph for me, as far as I can tell, given that when I use 4 loops, I get noticeable external results plus I get the fiercest resistance/breaking through symptoms at the same time. 8 was probably overkill. 2 loops is very efficient, but weaker than 4. So I'll now try to finish up my run of ver. B using 4 loops.

Then again, I am considering jumping back to ver. A afterwards (so that'd be next Friday). I won't lie, I am tired; I could use a change of pace.

Had some interesting insights recently, but I am too tired right now to go into detail on them. Perhaps in several days, once I've rested.

[Have at ye]

I think I'm back on the right track. Going with 4 loops ver. B for now, albeit at a very low volume (I kinda like this volume for now, so I'll stick to it).

I may try ver. A next round, starting with 2 loops and then perhaps 4, depending on how 2 feel and work.

[Have at ye]

Oh, BTW., I've noticed that recently I've been revisiting numerous songs I used to listen to when I was younger, with one in particular - and lyrics-wise, I see why that is. It's very cheesy, but the lyrical content resonates with me; I can see what my subC is telling me. It's pretty much about a wolf in a cage, I've really taken a liking to a line from the song's bridge: "I do not have another year in me, set me free" - it's how I've been feeling lately. And I'm telling this message to myself, pretty much.

So, enjoy some cheesy Scandinavian power metal!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nzwF3j4Gg4

[Have at ye]

There's basically two things I've been doing today - jack and squat, as I'm resting. Thing is, though, I've got a headache. It kinda feels like an overload headache, but it's deeper down in my skull. Weirdness.

Oh well. Gonna go for a walk and listen to my loops once I'm back.

[Have at ye]

Went for that walk, still got the headache, and I'm also feeling extremely tired (of very many things) yet again.

So that's 4 loops ver. B for me, lol.

Anyroad, starting my listening of them for today. 5 more days, then break, then switching to ver. A.

[Have at ye]

So today I was first kinda angry, and then kinda sad, and then angry and sad at the same time. Now I'm listening to my loops of the day and feeling a little bit better.

Getting strong resentment vibes from my sweet little aristocrat. I am somewhat disappointed, yet cannot say this is unexpected. Hopefully she'll smarten up. There really is no point otherwise, as I am not going to relent, not after such an obvious, annoying and unnecessary shit-test she's thrown my way. We could have made a fun little game out of it, and this I would have loved because I actually enjoy a good courtship, lol, but what she did was a very crude attempt at playing with my emotions in order to get me to pursue, and this I shall not abide. *Never again*.

Also, I consider it an insult to my intelligence.

These past few days I've been asking myself: why? What's the point of all this smoke, and all these mirrors? I can see everything - I know how things work, I see behaviorism in play plain as day, I've seen all the tricks, I've been through all the bullshit; I can tell what anyone's trying to pull before they try to pull it. I keep hoping that maybe this time I'll get some frickin' honesty, or at least enough decency to not *insult my intelligence*, but no. This works on everyone, right? So it should work on me, too, right? Even though I've communicated that *IT WON'T*. And then they keep trying, again, and again, and again, and again. Making themselves miserable in the process.

It's what I've been tired of these past few days, mostly. I am tired of playing by these stupid rules. I now choose to rise above them, and change the playing field.

Because I either do, or to hell with all of this.

[Have at ye]

Had a pretty decent day today, but now I'm tired due to work overload. And it's going to be like this pretty much until the end of June.

One of my most loyal responders to DMSIng (she's been responding nicely since about ver. 2.4) attempted a shit-test today. She's never done that before. What did I just say? lol. My reaction was total non-reaction. Soon all of that stuff is going to become so commonplace I'll stop even taking note.

Three more days of 4 loops ver. B. Let's keep at it. Starting my loops for the day.

[Have at ye]

Heh. It seems as though sticking it out with four loops ver. B is bearing fruit, as the tiredness, resistance-related symptoms etc. are gradually lessening. Now I'm even thinking that the switch to ver. A shan't be necessary.

I think I'll try it out anyway, though. I've only used ver. A for a month, at 1 loop/day. So I'll try another month at 2-4 loops, possibly starting with 4 to see what happens, as there's no kill like overkill amIrite.

[Have at ye]

Feeling better and better. Keeping on keeping on. Still going to try ver. A come Friday, though. I think that after the month with ver. A, I'll do what I had always intended to do and do the switcharoo! Unless I notice I'm getting much stronger/faster/better/more direct results with one version or another.

Still swamped with work, but who cares - gonna do it anyway. Interestingly enough, I'm experiencing very little to no anxiety despite the workload; usually with this much stuff on my mind and to do, I'd get anxious every now and again.

Time for my daily dose of DMSI, oy!

[Have at ye]

Okay, gonna start listening to my loops for today soon. Tomorrow's break day.

Some interesting things I noticed: I'm beginning to get sensations similar to what I was experiencing back on ver. 2.4, which is - very strong brainwave action, noticeable enough that I can feel my head "buzzing" and sometimes hear the brainwaves reverberating inside my skull. I believe this is a very good symptom. Whether it is indeed so, we shall soon see. I remember getting some very direct results on ver. 2.4 soon after this started happening.

Also I've been listening to the original Blade Runner soundtrack quite a bit, especially the End Titles theme and the Blush Response theme. I have fond memories of having romantic sex to this soundtrack (heh), but interestingly enough I've not been reminiscing or reviewing them too much, but rather find myself daydreaming quite often about having such with my sweet little aristocrat (she'll come around, heh).

Also noticing certain perceptions of occurrences from my past being altered. This might be a symptom of reality bending.

External results of the variety I've become used to by now continuing.

All this despite me being very tired physically due to workload.

So, a bit more of Vangelis, and then it's DMSI time.

[Have at ye]

Goshdarnged, I'd love to rewatch Blade Runner, but don't have the time right now. I've not seen it in years.

This is very interesting.

[Have at ye]

Break day today, tomorrow gonna switch to ver. A, 4 loops.

Feeling pretty good. I'm definitely experiencing some of the morphine-drip effect in my gut, especially when I'm, interestingly enough, listening to music (f. in. still going strong with the Blade Runner soundtrack and added the hilarious "Danger, High Voltage" song to the mix . I was drawn to listening to it when I was doing my loops yesterday - I like playing music from my phone while I'm listening to DMSI on the headphones. The volume I use is low enough that I can hear the music pretty well over it.)

Work's going pretty well, especially on the singing front. I've been neglecting the translation front a little bit (I've got a pretty difficult job to do by Monday - it's not long, just might be demanding to say the least), but I'll probably simply do it over the weekend, as I've got an entire part to learn by heart by Monday, and singing is my focus, ultimately.

I'll probably haul ass to the university library over the weekend to get the translation gig done. Who knows, maybe I'll meet a sexy little college girl in need of stress relief while I'm at it! (It's the finals season IIRC).

[Have at ye]

Interestingly enough, I'm really excited at the prospect of listening to my loops tomorrow.

[Mischief]

I ran four loops today and thought about running some more this evening but I think it might serve me well to take a mental break for a few hours and do some reading. Kind of like taking the approach of you can only take so much in a concentrated period so taking a break and returning to it later will make the end result more productive. I plan to get back into the loops tonight when I sleep.