03-15-2012, 06:47 PM
Last week I was on cloud 9 and was sitting on top of the world. This week has been absolutely brutal. I've been having serious stuff come up this week. It's gotten so bad that its affected my speech and my thinking because rather than be in the moment I'm sometimes trapped in my head. A female friend of mine has been showing interest in me but I've been getting so wrapped up in my own head that I've struggled to keep conversations going not just with her but with other people.
Thoughts like "People must think I'm weird" or "I'm never gonna get another GF" "I'm not tall enough"etc. Ironically, the sadness doesn't last long and instead it gets replaced by frustration. I'll get frustrated and angry about how other people "have it better than me with women" and then eventually after awhile it goes away. This frustration has motivated me to want to improve my situation and strenghtens my determination. I feel like it makes no sense for me to be in the position I'm in and that it's my birthright to be successful and to have what I want.
As painful and destructive as this journey is...I do not regret starting it. I have long accepted that getting to where I want to be will require me to first destroy myself before I can rebuild myself into the person I want to be.
Thoughts like "People must think I'm weird" or "I'm never gonna get another GF" "I'm not tall enough"etc. Ironically, the sadness doesn't last long and instead it gets replaced by frustration. I'll get frustrated and angry about how other people "have it better than me with women" and then eventually after awhile it goes away. This frustration has motivated me to want to improve my situation and strenghtens my determination. I feel like it makes no sense for me to be in the position I'm in and that it's my birthright to be successful and to have what I want.
As painful and destructive as this journey is...I do not regret starting it. I have long accepted that getting to where I want to be will require me to first destroy myself before I can rebuild myself into the person I want to be.
