A series of events, thoughts and emotions led me to switch to Maverick.
I know.
I was keeping this journal to myself. Interesting things started happening and I decided to share.
May 5th
I find myself deciding that whatever and whoever keeps me down and is not beneficial in my life is out of my life.
May 11th
I had a lot of insights the last few days and I noticed that these insights are habits and behaviors that somehow I keep mental notes of (they are mentally "saved"), and they will be my subconscious actions in the future.
One thing that made a big impression was the following thought: I am getting older and slower and less energetic and losing mental clarity. It is better to push myself in terms of self healing and exercising right now that I have mire control over than in the future and reach a level which I will better myself physically, mentally, emotionally. This push will put me in a situation which I will be sick or very tired or mentally incapable for some days at a time but it will be controlled and I will recover. In the future it will be much more difficult to recover from any physical, mental or emotional burden even if I want to or it might even be irreversible.
I also understand that this is not something I should do deliberately but myself wants and will plan to do automatically.
2nd entry:
I feel pity for me. For who I am or better said what I am not. Not successful, without great achievements, etc. When I am out I hope I don't see anyone I know from the past because if I do and they see who I am now and who I was supposed to be, I will feel shame.
3rd entry:
I had the thought, that I want every single minute of my time to be doing something to move forward, to achieve anything, even something small. And when I am tired or don't know what to do to just rest so that I have energy for when I know what to do and use that energy. Seeking to be more efficient. Also I noticed I stopped watching reels and shorts and all these time-consuming stuff. I read more books and spend my time more efficiently.
May 12th
I woke up thinking and feeling I know more of who I am.
It's the first time that I can recognize my level of who I am or better said where I stand on the scales of how masculine I am and successful and sexy and funny and smart and all these things we subconsciously rate ourselves. But I believe we don't know the right rating because it is filtered. And for me in this instance, it is not. The liberating-good thing on this is that I can now work on all these aspects. I find myself in acceptance to where myself stands on these scales and I can now work to improve them.
The other thing I liked is that finally something took my ego and shook it enough and made it back down a bit and be more "honest". People around me were always saying I don't have an ego. But I was always seeing a big well hidden ego. And the bad thing about this is that it was using all this energy and effort to create characters and thoughts and actions which kept these identities running for others. So much waste of energy. So much waste of life!
2nd entry
I find myself in great confusion. It is pushing me to be someone else. Changing my character, way of thinking, way of acting.
May 13th
I was having the thought that I should stop talking. Not just because talking creates conflicts. Which is my personal experience. But because of the obvious observation, at least for me, maybe that's my "reality", that people do not listen, they just talk. They want to say their "thing".
In general, I want to stop talking as its a waste of energy, effort. Talking is so cheap these days. Everybody talks and says whatever. There is no something constructive to it, just distractions and waste of energy.
And at this point I want to say that all these thoughts and suggestions coming up through this program, I am not going to forcibly apply. I think, don't know if I am wrong, that this is what Duke and Shannon was referring to when they were mentioning about getting in this program's way. I am not taking notes or liking or considering the suggestions which come up through the program so that I will apply them in my life. I just let them pass through my mind and if they somehow get integrate very well. If not that's fine. At the end of the day I am running a premium subliminal program, not reading a good habits book. That's the way I see it. Of course if a suggestion is obvious and to the point like the one I had to start using my time more efficiently then I just follow. And to be honest, that suggestion excited myself so much which I didn't even need to put any effort for it to be "integrated" or to act on it at all.
2nd entry:
I observe that the shame I was feeling about not being successful and what I wanted to be is now a driving engine for changing. The last two days I have done a lot improving my job, side hustle and read a ton of productivity articles I had bookmarked for months now.
I know.
I was keeping this journal to myself. Interesting things started happening and I decided to share.
May 5th
I find myself deciding that whatever and whoever keeps me down and is not beneficial in my life is out of my life.
May 11th
I had a lot of insights the last few days and I noticed that these insights are habits and behaviors that somehow I keep mental notes of (they are mentally "saved"), and they will be my subconscious actions in the future.
One thing that made a big impression was the following thought: I am getting older and slower and less energetic and losing mental clarity. It is better to push myself in terms of self healing and exercising right now that I have mire control over than in the future and reach a level which I will better myself physically, mentally, emotionally. This push will put me in a situation which I will be sick or very tired or mentally incapable for some days at a time but it will be controlled and I will recover. In the future it will be much more difficult to recover from any physical, mental or emotional burden even if I want to or it might even be irreversible.
I also understand that this is not something I should do deliberately but myself wants and will plan to do automatically.
2nd entry:
I feel pity for me. For who I am or better said what I am not. Not successful, without great achievements, etc. When I am out I hope I don't see anyone I know from the past because if I do and they see who I am now and who I was supposed to be, I will feel shame.
3rd entry:
I had the thought, that I want every single minute of my time to be doing something to move forward, to achieve anything, even something small. And when I am tired or don't know what to do to just rest so that I have energy for when I know what to do and use that energy. Seeking to be more efficient. Also I noticed I stopped watching reels and shorts and all these time-consuming stuff. I read more books and spend my time more efficiently.
May 12th
I woke up thinking and feeling I know more of who I am.
It's the first time that I can recognize my level of who I am or better said where I stand on the scales of how masculine I am and successful and sexy and funny and smart and all these things we subconsciously rate ourselves. But I believe we don't know the right rating because it is filtered. And for me in this instance, it is not. The liberating-good thing on this is that I can now work on all these aspects. I find myself in acceptance to where myself stands on these scales and I can now work to improve them.
The other thing I liked is that finally something took my ego and shook it enough and made it back down a bit and be more "honest". People around me were always saying I don't have an ego. But I was always seeing a big well hidden ego. And the bad thing about this is that it was using all this energy and effort to create characters and thoughts and actions which kept these identities running for others. So much waste of energy. So much waste of life!
2nd entry
I find myself in great confusion. It is pushing me to be someone else. Changing my character, way of thinking, way of acting.
May 13th
I was having the thought that I should stop talking. Not just because talking creates conflicts. Which is my personal experience. But because of the obvious observation, at least for me, maybe that's my "reality", that people do not listen, they just talk. They want to say their "thing".
In general, I want to stop talking as its a waste of energy, effort. Talking is so cheap these days. Everybody talks and says whatever. There is no something constructive to it, just distractions and waste of energy.
And at this point I want to say that all these thoughts and suggestions coming up through this program, I am not going to forcibly apply. I think, don't know if I am wrong, that this is what Duke and Shannon was referring to when they were mentioning about getting in this program's way. I am not taking notes or liking or considering the suggestions which come up through the program so that I will apply them in my life. I just let them pass through my mind and if they somehow get integrate very well. If not that's fine. At the end of the day I am running a premium subliminal program, not reading a good habits book. That's the way I see it. Of course if a suggestion is obvious and to the point like the one I had to start using my time more efficiently then I just follow. And to be honest, that suggestion excited myself so much which I didn't even need to put any effort for it to be "integrated" or to act on it at all.
2nd entry:
I observe that the shame I was feeling about not being successful and what I wanted to be is now a driving engine for changing. The last two days I have done a lot improving my job, side hustle and read a ton of productivity articles I had bookmarked for months now.