I want to let you all know that I've not quit. I've continued applying the subliminals, listening to them every single day, for 12 hours each or more - sometimes I felt like doing more was better for me, and so I did it that way in those times... that helped me to bring out what was about to be released (but not there yet), and so it was actually released sooner.
It's great that I've not had resistance that made me stop doing it. With this program, I've always had the inner knowing of it really being in my path. I'm very grateful for the inner guidance and for the program itself, thanks a lot Shannon
Day 18: There's been a TON of things changing in me, from the inside out. These days, I had a judgment of nothing specially important happening to me from the program, and that affected me so much (it seemingly had faith power) that I didn't came here to keep you up to date. Despite what that feeling and thoughts behind it said, I knew for sure there were a ton of changes behind the surface, as I had very clear proofs of changes for the better (including new - for me - sexual experiences
).
Looking back, it wasn't just a feeling what I had, but a pile of inter-connected feelings (old programming, dense energy) that made me feel lost these days. For example, I felt quite frustrated, even about things that didn't mattered that much, I was kind of taking things seriously without a real reason for doing so. The nice thing is that I had my awareness raising, and showing me time after time again, what was going on: that I had parts of my energy in bad feeling patterns (even patterns I thought I no longer had), and it was all showing up so I could let it all go.
For whatever reason, it wasn't all completely released as it showed up but, for several days straight, the remains were being piled... unconsciousness over unconsciousness, creating a big momentum, a huge chunk of dense energy (what caused me to feel/be so lost). Even I felt several times like doing what would release it, I didn't always had the will power (or enough connection to the "go ahead" feeling) to actually applying that. So I was letting it go slower than it was coming out, and I literally felt like disconnected from my Higher Selves... Anyway, whenever I stopped to check the truth of that, I had the inner knowing that it wasn't really true... but it felt so true! Same as with the "nothing happening" feelings, I knew there was a lot going on behind the scenes, but I wasn't capable to access for long time the good feelings from the great things that I had (real life experience proof).
Last night, I had another nudge to do something to set the burden free. This time the idea was doing Natural Grounding, and even I didn't felt with enough energy to do it (I just felt like going to bed and sleep), it happened that I began doing it. I was with open focus, feeling around my body while observing the videos also, and accepting everything that was showing up in the experience (including thoughts and patterns of action). The burden made itself very visible to me, as huge dense feelings, including physical and emotional pain. In less than a minute from beginning, I was crying from the strong emotions being felt as they were going away (but not affecting me at all). I really have no idea how much time I was doing it, I would say at least it was an hour, I was letting go also of the feelings and thoughts of "stop doing it", "it's enough already"... I was playing the subliminals also, they helped me to bring it all to awareness faster.
Later on, I was a lot more clear, and I was amazed from what I was experiencing... I couldn't believe my eyes, I was like: "WTF! This feels and actually seems totally different!! I've watched these videos countless times, and I've never ever experienced them like this: all the women are soooo frickin' SEXUAL!!!" :O Sexual, that's the best word to describe it. I was never able to see them as I did last night: so open, happy, valuable, genuine and sexually inviting
All of that with zero intimation... I deeply knew that next time I'm in person with a woman like that, it's going to be game over for my virginity
Today I went outside my house from my own decision, and without a need!!
That's another surprise for me, hehehe. I went to a classical music concert. I was sooo open, with open focus, observing feelings and thoughts, but without being really affected by them, so I could clean on everything easily. I was comfortable even being close to women in the underground, okay with them being there, looking at me, whatever... I was at ease. There was something missing in me from what I was used to having... neediness and feelings of inferiority I once again got experimental confirmations that real confidence is not a thing we can get... it's actually a lack of "things" such as: feelings of low confidence/value (those exist), self doubt, out of place, not belonging, weirdo, wannabe. The lack of all of that is not a thing called "confidence", it's my Presence/Beingness, the true Me.
Another great thing I got from going out: I found nice plans to be outside my house in the upcoming days, hahaha, no more excuses of "I haven't any interesting activity to join"
So... everything is divinely perfect, after all!
PS: I just edited my posts, changing "tonight" by "last night"... as I always meant the previous night, not the current or future
It's great that I've not had resistance that made me stop doing it. With this program, I've always had the inner knowing of it really being in my path. I'm very grateful for the inner guidance and for the program itself, thanks a lot Shannon
Day 18: There's been a TON of things changing in me, from the inside out. These days, I had a judgment of nothing specially important happening to me from the program, and that affected me so much (it seemingly had faith power) that I didn't came here to keep you up to date. Despite what that feeling and thoughts behind it said, I knew for sure there were a ton of changes behind the surface, as I had very clear proofs of changes for the better (including new - for me - sexual experiences
).Looking back, it wasn't just a feeling what I had, but a pile of inter-connected feelings (old programming, dense energy) that made me feel lost these days. For example, I felt quite frustrated, even about things that didn't mattered that much, I was kind of taking things seriously without a real reason for doing so. The nice thing is that I had my awareness raising, and showing me time after time again, what was going on: that I had parts of my energy in bad feeling patterns (even patterns I thought I no longer had), and it was all showing up so I could let it all go.
For whatever reason, it wasn't all completely released as it showed up but, for several days straight, the remains were being piled... unconsciousness over unconsciousness, creating a big momentum, a huge chunk of dense energy (what caused me to feel/be so lost). Even I felt several times like doing what would release it, I didn't always had the will power (or enough connection to the "go ahead" feeling) to actually applying that. So I was letting it go slower than it was coming out, and I literally felt like disconnected from my Higher Selves... Anyway, whenever I stopped to check the truth of that, I had the inner knowing that it wasn't really true... but it felt so true! Same as with the "nothing happening" feelings, I knew there was a lot going on behind the scenes, but I wasn't capable to access for long time the good feelings from the great things that I had (real life experience proof).
Last night, I had another nudge to do something to set the burden free. This time the idea was doing Natural Grounding, and even I didn't felt with enough energy to do it (I just felt like going to bed and sleep), it happened that I began doing it. I was with open focus, feeling around my body while observing the videos also, and accepting everything that was showing up in the experience (including thoughts and patterns of action). The burden made itself very visible to me, as huge dense feelings, including physical and emotional pain. In less than a minute from beginning, I was crying from the strong emotions being felt as they were going away (but not affecting me at all). I really have no idea how much time I was doing it, I would say at least it was an hour, I was letting go also of the feelings and thoughts of "stop doing it", "it's enough already"... I was playing the subliminals also, they helped me to bring it all to awareness faster.
Later on, I was a lot more clear, and I was amazed from what I was experiencing... I couldn't believe my eyes, I was like: "WTF! This feels and actually seems totally different!! I've watched these videos countless times, and I've never ever experienced them like this: all the women are soooo frickin' SEXUAL!!!" :O Sexual, that's the best word to describe it. I was never able to see them as I did last night: so open, happy, valuable, genuine and sexually inviting
All of that with zero intimation... I deeply knew that next time I'm in person with a woman like that, it's going to be game over for my virginity Today I went outside my house from my own decision, and without a need!!
That's another surprise for me, hehehe. I went to a classical music concert. I was sooo open, with open focus, observing feelings and thoughts, but without being really affected by them, so I could clean on everything easily. I was comfortable even being close to women in the underground, okay with them being there, looking at me, whatever... I was at ease. There was something missing in me from what I was used to having... neediness and feelings of inferiority I once again got experimental confirmations that real confidence is not a thing we can get... it's actually a lack of "things" such as: feelings of low confidence/value (those exist), self doubt, out of place, not belonging, weirdo, wannabe. The lack of all of that is not a thing called "confidence", it's my Presence/Beingness, the true Me.Another great thing I got from going out: I found nice plans to be outside my house in the upcoming days, hahaha, no more excuses of "I haven't any interesting activity to join"
So... everything is divinely perfect, after all!
PS: I just edited my posts, changing "tonight" by "last night"... as I always meant the previous night, not the current or future
UMS
