Alpha Female in Training

[Why So Serious?]

Ltd more powerful than the Alpha programs? That's interesting. Please tell me how.

That is what I meant to say. As you can see I'm still not quite alpha or whatever you want to call it. I didn't speak my mind in the last post because I was scared of rocking the boat. Still have a long way to go. That's why I'm listening to it again. Of course if Ltu is a better option I'll do that instead.

Today my boss kind of blew up about a mistake I made so I finally gathered some courage to ask him what was up. Long story short he said the people above him have been having issues for some time and 9 out of 10 it usually is my fault. There is grace period for mistakes (at least I thought there was) and stay I within that. It's usually 1 to 5 mistakes per week. I make 1 to 3 about every 3 weeks to a month. Sometimes no mistakes for a month or 2. I have no problem with the mistakes I take responsibility for that. The problem is that he never said a word to me about this until after I ask him what's up. I shouldn't have to ask what's wrong. Here I am thinking I'm doing a great job but apparently that's not the case.

I just wish he would have pulled me aside to let me know earlier instead of letting it go on for this long.

[Why So Serious?]

Geez.... what is up with people? I understand that I mess up things. I do my best to correct it qlong the way. I just don't feel like I should take full responsibility for something that is both our fault. What is everyone trying to do pull a fast one on me? It's like my bs meter is set to high.
It's odd I'm still trying to figure out a way that it could all be my fault so I don't have to get into any disagreements.

Oh and Shannon it really hit me today that yes most people do want to stay in their misery. Even though they say they want help. oh well lessonlearned.

[Shawn]

Geez.... what is up with people? I understand that I mess up things. I do my best to correct it qlong the way. I just don't feel like I should take full responsibility for something that is both our fault. What is everyone trying to do pull a fast one on me? It's like my bs meter is set to high.
It's odd I'm still trying to figure out a way that it could all be my fault so I don't have to get into any disagreements.

Oh and Shannon it really hit me today that yes most people do want to stay in their misery. Even though they say they want help. oh well lessonlearned.

People often don't see or don't want to see their part of responsibility. Sometimes it can be frustrating to see them going the easy way. Oh, and when it comes to bosses, they can be also confusing sometimes. I have had a boss who said I am doing a great job but a day later or so she told me about all the mistakes I am doing. I felt better after finding out that she has been that way to pretty much all people.

[Why So Serious?]

@Alphareal

Thanks I don't feel so bad about it now. It just depends on the guy.
I made the decision to stick with this sub until I get the results I want. I still keep getting distracted with all the other subs I could be doing.

@Mr. Anderson

Yeah sucks how it works that way. My boss does this to everybody and don't get me started with the favoritism and other unprofessional things he does. Now that I think about it he isn't professional about anything.

I didn't get what Alphareal was talking about with your body having a mind of it's own until yesterday. I was walking around the grocery store and even though I felt the anxiety come on my body was still trying to stand up straight and look confident. My mind was trying to fight it but it would lose every now and then. This didn't help with the anxiety and made it worse. I felt crazy for a minute glad you mentioned it.

I did an exercise from the power of now where you focus on the present and let your intuition guide you. That was too much for me to handle. Everyone looked like zombies prisoners inside their minds. It was horrible and depressing. Your just blocked off from the stuff that could truly make you happy. I do this too.

I also got some career advice in this state as well. I wasn't to happy about it and wanted to break my phone. Deep down I know it could make me happy(if I quite being lazy about it) but I'm still trying to figure out how this is going to help anyone. I talked to someone else about it and they said I fear of success.

I keep feeling this anxiety that I'm separating from my family even more. Well from everyone in general. Were not on the page anymore. Probably not even in the same book now. This keeps getting more depressing.
I need to find some people who are o the same page as me. I really feel like the black sheep now.

I'm not the greatest mood right now. I'm retiring early tonight.

[Why So Serious?]

Lately I feel like I'm losing my mind. One minute I feel pretty good the next I feel all of this anxiety and depression. Then I start looking at other subs I could be doing when I finish AF instead of running it again. It gets so bad that I really do want to give up even though I'm only 13 days away from completing it. It's sad and annoying at the same time.

Had a couple of weird dreams. One was about a ufo that was enormous. Anyone who was in contact with or saw the ufo developed a wired mixture of cancer and ebola. It wasn't contagious but it was on the news. Everyone was worried about what kind of technology could do that, if there were aliens on the ship or was it remote controlled, and if they were on the ship did they land somewhere on earth undetected. Woke up panicking and felt that way for a day.

The other dream was that my boss was mad at me and fired me. He was telling me about he didn't like me form the start and so other stuff that I can't remember. I asked was it because of my race and he just smiled like you know it. I then started talking back about all things he had done that wasn't right that could have gotten him fired. I was scared when all of this happened but intuition told me not to be and that I have better opportunities. I was trying to figure out how I could get my unemployment from the company and they granted it to me. I woke up feeling neutral about that event.

So close to finishing the first round of AF.

[Benjamin]

I'm the same with AM6.. it's a rollercoaster. But it's part of the journey and you can do it.. keep going!

[Why So Serious?]

^ Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I thought I was the only one going through the ups and downs, feeling crazy at the same time.

[Shawn]

^ Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I thought I was the only one going through the ups and downs, feeling crazy at the same time.

No, you aren't the only one.

[eternity]

I just got through some crazy inner turmoil my self, WSS. In fact, it was on 3/26 for me too. (Alpha Male)

When it gets bad, I wish it was over. But as it gets good, I am wondering why I'm so stagnant and not growing.

LOL

"don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle"

[Shannon]

If you're feeling anxiety, it's because the program is pushing you to face, deal with and overcome what holds you back from freedom and becoming a leader. That's normal. And if you're experiencing this at the end of the run, I suggest that means that you're finally getting to what needs to be worked on, and I suggest that you run through it a second time. I also suggest you take a week off in between runs.

[Why So Serious?]

Thanks everybody. You guy's are so awesome. I do plan on Doing this sub again.

I just woke up from another nightmare and can’t go back to sleep.
A few hours later my aunt rented a movie for us to watch. It was some strange ice age musical. My mom woke up and came in the room with us. A few moments passed and she said some attempted to break into the house. I somehow read her mind and saw some creepy dude was just outside my window starring into it. The curtain s were closed but it didn't matter to him. I had a very good idea who it was but didn't say. I was too afraid to talk and was just saying in my head over and over again he found me and he'll harm my family and me. It was strange because she wasn't too worried about it. Neither was my aunt.

I'll try and go back to sleep.

[Why So Serious?]

Interesting I feel like the fear is 50 to 75 percent gone. It depends on what I'm thinking about. The fear still try to overtake me quite often, but I feel at peace deep down and it feels absurd to have the fear in the first place.

I need to figure out why this happens. It isn't the first time I have had a crippling fear. To make matters worse it is usually nothing to worry about. This has to get taken care of.

I hope the next run of AF will help with this.

I want a goodnight sleep tonight and no more nihhtmares. I can't afford to run on just 3 hrs. Of sleep again.

[Why So Serious?]

The fear is just about gone I would say 90 to 95 percent gone. It only took a week to get over it too. Usually would take several months to a year. Really happy about this.

Only 6 more days to go.Then I'll start again from the beginning.

[Shannon]

Congratulations. Not everyone can run these alpha programs and make it through to the end.