01-01-2015, 12:20 PM
Stage 1 Day 19
O wow, so much happened. This is gonna be a LONG update, and a very enjoyable to write as well. I'm doing so because I want to sort my thoughts and analyse where I'm standing. Apparently 10K Walking Zen session while on hang-over wasn't quite enough :/
I've had great New Year party. I could say one of the best in my life, if not the best. Despite being around a lot of new people (which is always uncomfortable for me) I was able to phase in very easily and have lots of fun. I've spent a lot of time with girls and although I wasn't flirting (I was even making a lot of laughs out of people doing it by devising "What would Freud say" game with other female friend) I talked and played freely with them.
One of those girls were girl I used to date. It wasn't (thankfully) my nemesis I might have cried over on this journal and certainly on my LTU journal, but less consequential one I had two dates with spring 2014. At first I didn't know she'll be there and when I found out I was a bit ... shocked? You know this feeling as if you have mini heart attack. But it went away and as time went by I interacted with her just as I did with any other guest. Important thing for me was that what I remembered of her was something completely different from what I met yesterday. It means throughout the months I must have slowly idealize her. Sad come to think of it. Thankfully reality check fixed that mistake.
Another noteworthy girl was girl I don't remember name of. I'll call her Alice. Alice is your average fat chick grown up watching Disney princesses. We talked in the group of me and 3 girls and topic went to how men are assholes. Those two girls had reasons because boyfriends bumped them, but Alice never had a boyfriend. She was bitter because men don't notice her and she looks for love (WOW, I can connect to that). When I asked her during my wave of 0 neediness why do you even want boyfriend she told this romantic love thing and that she dreams of walks in the park and going to the cinema ect. Hearing that I even proposed her that I'd go with her to the Hobbit, but the only gave me look and ignored me, thinking I'm joking because I'm drunk. What made me sad about her is that she's looking for love while being so hateful. They are opposites and don't fit together nicely. I hope she'll learn this one day.
Enough of the party. On other news because of the party I've lost my second day of AM and it means I'll have to extend this stage. Instruction says 3 more days are in order, and so this will be 35-days long stage. I'll have to change annotation in my calendar, but other than that I might be a good thing. Now that AM seems to finally start to work addition days will make up for slower beginning.
There are three things I blame on starting the sub working. First might have been alcohol (I don't think so though, I've drunk during Christmas and it didn't work like that), celibacy for 2 days (always do this before parties, tends to help) and using ultrasonics now. I started it because subconsciously I felt there is something wrong with masked track. Problem is I can hear high pitch, but it's manageable and seems to be much smoother. I'll be listening silent track for some time now and I'll see if I'll stick with it. I have high hopes for that one.
O wow, so much happened. This is gonna be a LONG update, and a very enjoyable to write as well. I'm doing so because I want to sort my thoughts and analyse where I'm standing. Apparently 10K Walking Zen session while on hang-over wasn't quite enough :/
I've had great New Year party. I could say one of the best in my life, if not the best. Despite being around a lot of new people (which is always uncomfortable for me) I was able to phase in very easily and have lots of fun. I've spent a lot of time with girls and although I wasn't flirting (I was even making a lot of laughs out of people doing it by devising "What would Freud say" game with other female friend) I talked and played freely with them.
One of those girls were girl I used to date. It wasn't (thankfully) my nemesis I might have cried over on this journal and certainly on my LTU journal, but less consequential one I had two dates with spring 2014. At first I didn't know she'll be there and when I found out I was a bit ... shocked? You know this feeling as if you have mini heart attack. But it went away and as time went by I interacted with her just as I did with any other guest. Important thing for me was that what I remembered of her was something completely different from what I met yesterday. It means throughout the months I must have slowly idealize her. Sad come to think of it. Thankfully reality check fixed that mistake.
Another noteworthy girl was girl I don't remember name of. I'll call her Alice. Alice is your average fat chick grown up watching Disney princesses. We talked in the group of me and 3 girls and topic went to how men are assholes. Those two girls had reasons because boyfriends bumped them, but Alice never had a boyfriend. She was bitter because men don't notice her and she looks for love (WOW, I can connect to that). When I asked her during my wave of 0 neediness why do you even want boyfriend she told this romantic love thing and that she dreams of walks in the park and going to the cinema ect. Hearing that I even proposed her that I'd go with her to the Hobbit, but the only gave me look and ignored me, thinking I'm joking because I'm drunk. What made me sad about her is that she's looking for love while being so hateful. They are opposites and don't fit together nicely. I hope she'll learn this one day.
Enough of the party. On other news because of the party I've lost my second day of AM and it means I'll have to extend this stage. Instruction says 3 more days are in order, and so this will be 35-days long stage. I'll have to change annotation in my calendar, but other than that I might be a good thing. Now that AM seems to finally start to work addition days will make up for slower beginning.
There are three things I blame on starting the sub working. First might have been alcohol (I don't think so though, I've drunk during Christmas and it didn't work like that), celibacy for 2 days (always do this before parties, tends to help) and using ultrasonics now. I started it because subconsciously I felt there is something wrong with masked track. Problem is I can hear high pitch, but it's manageable and seems to be much smoother. I'll be listening silent track for some time now and I'll see if I'll stick with it. I have high hopes for that one.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
