AYD's BAMM Journal

[Andrew]

I went through all the same stuff verbatim. It does end and it does get good. We're here for ya if you need.

[Spiral]

You got it brother

[Shannon]

AYD, today Andrew said something to me as we were parking at the place we had lunch. He said, and I do not quote because I don't remember it verbatim, something along the lines of... "You know, Stage 4 would have been a piece of cake if I had just faced it." We are on stage 7 now, and he said he's now overcome what he was fighting so hard against in Stage 4. I told him that it's because BAMM is designed to present you with new steps toward your goals, but not force them too hard. If during one stage you can't handle it, it'll be revisited in later stages until you get it. "Next year," he said, "Stage 4 will be a piece of cake." Indeed.

This is why we require people to prove themselves not just ready for BAMM, but worthy of it. It is definitely not for the faint of heart.

And like Andrew said, we have been there, and it does get better. And we're here for you if you need us.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Gents,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I have no intention of stopping BAMM. I've learned from my past experience with the subs that with the pain, anguish, and darkness comes growth. The fog of self-doubt is already starting to lift and the evidences of growth are appearing.

One interesting artifact of this growth is eye contact. I thought after AM that I had mastered eye contact, but apparently I had more room to grow.

I noticed in the first stages of BAMM that all improvements from previous subs regarding eye contact disappeared. I found this very annoying; I could not maintain eye contact with anybody. The familiar eye twitching from my past that occurred when I looked into someone else’s eyes returned.

Before BAMM I would keep eye contact with someone else, but consciously make a decision to break eye contact. The conscious decision occurred because I was walking past and did not want to move my head, or I did not want to infer anything inappropriate with the gaze, or I did not want to cause embarrassment to the other. Under direct conversation, face to face, I would maintain eye contact with ease. But in passing with strangers I would break when I thought it was a good time to stop. Now I don’t even consider the other person’s state, feelings, or reaction. I continue to hold eye contact long after the other person has looked away. I find that often they will look again and when they do I'm sill looking at them. The behavior is now a natural part of me.

Just as there was a fundamental change in eye contact, I also have observed other areas of my life that are transforming. The transformation is not complete, it still a work in progress. But I see a good foundation.

The insecurities regarding my job have substantially decreased. The lion of my personality which includes command and authority have reemerged with a vengeance. I took to task several executives in front of their peers and they backed down. This is the characteristic I expect of a BAMM businessman. We go up against obstacles that are much greater and we win.

I'm beginning to see a path to BAMM. I still do not possess the passion, the drive, or the motivation to work in that direction, but I do see the path.

Dudes again thanks for the encouraging words. All, knowing that what is happening during my journey is not unique is very important to my growth.

The journey continues

AYD

[Benjamin]

Good luck on the journey. I am on Stage 3 at the moment.

I like how you say that the darkness and anguish brings growth. It reminds me of Alpha 2011, the first program I did. It was hard, lots of emotions, anger and pain but it brought a huge amount of growth.

It's good you're already starting to get past some of those insecurities.

-Ben

[AwesomeYoungDude]

I've noticed a pattern.  An environment is setup to get me to a "enough is enough” mindset in order for me to break through the barriers impeding my path and instill in me a new believe system.   Let's use candy as an metaphor.  I have a casual desire to reduce the amount of candy I consume.  Casual desire equates to casual determination, resolve, and performance.  I continued eat too much candy because my resolve is only casual.  The ultimate goal is to reduce my weight and improve my health.  Until I control my candy consumption, my other efforts for weight management are hindered.

With BAMM I see the removal of all resolve to stop eating candy (like I have no self-control).  I still desire to control the amount of candy but with almost zero resolve.  I eat to excess with only the rewards of short term satisfaction while reaping the consequences of my actions (a candy hangover).

I see the intent of this path is to have me hit rock bottom (skid row) and keep me in that state until I get to the point that my mind state changes to “enough is enough” and “I never want to be here again”.  The intent is to increase my desire, determination and resolve to break free of my existing behavior which results in a casual determination. 

This is a cyclical growth process with lower rock bottoms and larger growth until I'm so fed up with the eating of candy that I turn and never look back.  A new believes system is born with a determination, resolve, and desire to remove candy from my live.  The risk is that I become addicted to candy and it becomes the master. 

I’m becoming fed up with many things but not all are to the point that I’ve said enough is enough. 

AYD

PS I'm in stage 6

[Andrew]

I've noticed a pattern.  An environment is setup to get me to a "enough is enough” mindset in order for me to break through the barriers impeding my path and instill in me a new believe system.   Let's use candy as an metaphor.  I have a casual desire to reduce the amount of candy I consume.  Casual desire equates to casual determination, resolve, and performance.  I continued eat too much candy because my resolve is only casual.  The ultimate goal is to reduce my weight and improve my health.  Until I control my candy consumption, my other efforts for weight management are hindered.

With BAMM I see the removal of all resolve to stop eating candy (like I have no self-control).  I still desire to control the amount of candy but with almost zero resolve.  I eat to excess with only the rewards of short term satisfaction while reaping the consequences of my actions (a candy hangover).

I see the intent of this path is to have me hit rock bottom (skid row) and keep me in that state until I get to the point that my mind state changes to “enough is enough” and “I never want to be here again”.  The intent is to increase my desire, determination and resolve to break free of my existing behavior which results in a casual determination. 

This is a cyclical growth process with lower rock bottoms and larger growth until I'm so fed up with the eating of candy that I turn and never look back.  A new believes system is born with a determination, resolve, and desire to remove candy from my live.  The risk is that I become addicted to candy and it becomes the master. 

I’m becoming fed up with many things but not all are to the point that I’ve said enough is enough. 

AYD

PS I'm in stage 6

I feel you all too well. I would sabotage myself to no end in targeted areas until I hit rock bottom them, sometimes multiple areas. It's what I used to call the "experience is king" approach. I let this pattern rule my life up until around May. I figured out this was the wrong way to go a few years back. Came up with alternatives in the fall. Decided to abandon it with some gains in awareness back in feb/march. Its tried to rear its ugly head since then but I have not allowed it to. I decided I was getting too old for this kind of drama to be hitting rock bottom to "learn from experience" for EVERYTHING. It's just unreasonable. For example I don't need to nearly starve to death to appreciate food. Visiting China & other impoverished countries, as well as just having a strained budget as a student did that. No, I don't have the "holy sanctity & reverence" of food like people who have nearly died of starvation but I don't need it either.

I wish I had some hands-on advice to give on how I came over it. It really was a problem of gripping too hard. The way I keep it at bay in day-to-day life is I identify the problem...then eliminate it from my life, then find a replacement. I always find a replacement. If I had a candy issue, I'd figure out something zero or low-calorie that's non-toxic. Maybe I'd get a dehydrator and start making some dried barbecue flavor veggies. I'd bring it with me wherever I go. Eventually the old addiction to candy would be replaced by something stronger. The problem with the "experience is king" is it doesn't get rid of the addiction unless it's so extreme that you associate disgust with it. Be disgusted with candy? Until fake teeth, rotting gums, and surgery or maybe something traumatic like a family member choked on some candy...until all this came up in my mind every time I tried to eat candy I wouldn't be able to kick it.

I found something new to be extreme about. Myself, and being the best I can be with the time/resources I have. Accepting no substitute. Things like candy simply go away and I replace them with healthy things & new habits/beliefs/mental loops.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Cool thanks

[Shannon]

AYD, the program is designed to remove your limits and give you the freedom to achieve and be whatever you want in the direction of the goal.

If you are used to driving an automatic car, and suddenly I give you a stick shift and tell you that you now have a lot more power, control and gas mileage potential, you might not really want to do anything with all that until you pay the bill for screwing up your gears by not taking responsibility for your new reality. But once you get sick of paying to fix the engine and gears and clutch, and you learn how to take responsibility for your choices, actions and results, you can have whatever that car is capable of, and enjoy having the mastery of the skills required to access that car's full potentials as well.

In other words, BAMM is taking off the training wheels for you.

It's worth the extra effort.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

I continue to make slow progress. I decided to only post changes that sustain for several weeks. Unfortunately somewhere in stage seven due to a restore operation I reverted to listening to stage six. I'm once again about a week into stage seven. This stage is propagating major changes.

I've have an increased will power to improve in the most difficult areas of my life. The steps are baby steps but it's progress. When successful these changes will result in a transformation which will remove the chains that bind me.

AYD

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Progress Report: 4 years of Indigo Minds Labs (Shannon’s) Subs

The current BAMM journey is 8 years. Just recently I was mentally debating whether BAMM was possible. The changes occurring now are so constant, subtle and natural that I’ve lost sight of any progress.
My progress was brought back into prospective with a comparison of “the me” of 4 years ago with “the me” of now. Wow
Then: Paralyzed by procrastination
Now: Except when physically tired, complete elimination of procrastination.

Then: No desire to read (mental procrastination)
Now: I’ve read 5 books in the last 4 months

Then: Beta in thoughts, dreams, actions and deed. I lacked self-confidence, was very insecure and needy. Because I was insecure, I argued with the tech gods. Very poor self-image. Body language and non-verbal language of a beta.
Now: Alpha in thought, in dreams (big time), action, and deed. I have confidence that I can meet the challenge. I am now among the gods and was just assigned to be the lead of the tech gods. Alpha posture.

Before: Time away from work was non-productive, adding to a poor self-image.
Now: Time away from work is very productive.

So what does all this mean? After 8 years of progress with BAMM, becoming a multi-millionaire will be but a distant memory in my rearview mirror.

Shannon, my heartfelt thanks for saving my life.

[Fonzy3]

That was a very heartwarming post AYD. I can sense the growth and gratitude from the changes that occurred in your life. I'm looking forward to see more results from your BAMM journey. It's all worth it in the end.

Thanks

Fonzy

[Shannon]

I have never been accused of saving a life before, but if you insist.

BAMM 2.0 is designed to be used for 1-8 years to achieve that goal. Most people should achieve it in 3 to 6 years of use.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

In stage 9. Definite focus on spending and living well within my means. Creating a habit of focusing on one thing at a time to completion before moving on. Slight increase in neediness.

AWD