AM7 Stage 0 Healing Bootcamp Bonanza

[Have at ye]

I guess that's what I meant when I say "got stuck". For two weeks or so, it (PRA stand-alone) was working relentlessly at FRMing and then clearing through a big blockage, and it was painful and tiresome and "felt like ages", so to speak. It's why I got tired and needed a break.

And then it turned out that upon switching to DMSI ver 5.1 the FRM in it instantly got to... working on the same blockage, just absent pain-relief and in a different manner.

But then along came AM7 Stage 0 with full-blast PRA integrated with other goodies and the healing bootcamp began!

[Have at ye]

But *of course* the local element is beginning to return to its old shenanigans. They're gonna try testing me, my patience, my cool and my resolve, oyyyy. And I assume they're going to be offensive while they're at it.

But I am getting very obvious fascination/interest indicators from women, so maybe it won't be all bad, heheh.

Man, this relentless healing bootcamp is taking up a lot of mental energy. I am at the same time energized to do things, while parts of me - the parts that are PRAing, I presume - are exhausted and want to lie down, lol. It's probably why I tend to feel better after napping/sleeping. Working on resetting my biolgical clock.

I enrolled to a body movement - contact improvisation course, with some sort of meditative/manifestation meditation for blockage removal class thrown into the mix. I did it mostly because dancer chick (with dat ass) has moved out of town and only gives classes here rarely, and I've been searching for something to take the place of her regular classes. That, and also dancer chicks (obviously).

[Have at ye]

Got some proper sleep in and recharged some on mental energy.

I was thinking today that I've often been told that I'm not "thick skinned" enough which is nonsense. The fact I'm pointing out I do not like certain behaviors or being treated in a particular way is not being "thin skinned". These are attacks on my self-confidence, my well-being and my manly manlytude. I am right to be salty (or even testy). I thought the attacks themselves were pissing me off, but it's mostly how people treat my pretty much self-defense reactions in a condescending manner that was pissing me off. Oy!

EDIT

Oh yeah, and then they even dare lecture *me* on "proper boundary setting". That's a bone I have to pick with that lady psychoanalyst of mine. Fortunately I'm not seeing her this week because there's a chance I'd go on a tirade on her lovely ass. We'll see next week.

EDIT II

Of curse, there's a song expressing my feelings regarding the above most accurately. It's Pantera's "Walk". "IS THERE NO STANDARD ANMYORE?!.... RE-SPECT. WALK. WHAT DID YOU SAY?! and so on. )

[Have at ye]

Feelin' pretty good. Quite manly too.

I'm taking a little break from my physical regimen today to let my body resst up. Since I am dieting, I am maybe overusing coffee and sugar-free energy drinks, but I guess I need the mental energy to keep up the pace of the healing in Stage 0.

I get moments when I get irritable or start experiencing more fear (f. in. my startle response goes into overdrive) but I guess that's when the FRM kicks in because the healing touched upon something scary/hit a snag that needs to be OGSFd. Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty cool, calm, collected.

I do get moments when I feel like "I really need to lie down for a moment" and it's due to mental exhaustion, not physical exhaustion, but I presume these are going to be fewer and more far between with progress.

Did a translation job today without a hitch, even despite some technical difficulties. It was boring but at least it was something to do. Now I have a meeting in the afternoon and then it's singing practice time.

[Have at ye]

So I read the description of the 5.11G Ultra Success (because I figure Stage 0 includes an improved/altered version of that script) and started figuring out how to best use it to my benefit.

My primary goal right now (apart from having fun with the Ladies - this is more of an afterthought, a way of manly being ) would be to be a God of Sex and Song full-time - in other words, to cease having to do BSB translation jobs and do opera singing professionally all the time.

I am now figuring what I'd need to do so. Best way would be putting myself out there a bit more. Now I can wait for people who know and respect my skill and work ethic to recommend me etc. (which is usually how it's done - it's a business of relations), but in lieu of just sitting around and waiting I could show off my manly voice in competitions and such. I'm always on the lookout for auditions, but I'm beginning to feel well enough to knock it up a notch.

Also, what I could use is a pianist for regular work, preferrably once per week. Finding one, though, is not so easy - but I guess it's time to keep trying. I'm aiming for woman-pianists because I've always found it easier to work artistically with women, better rapport, less competitiveness on "who's the ALPHA here", lewl.

So, musing on that right now before my appointment today. Then it's regular singing practice time.

[Have at ye]

Had some really interesting dreams, healing-wise and PM wise. So, the PM dream concluded in me bending over and spanking a woman who was bossy to me, and she was all like "Don't stop".

Anyway, there's a lot of going on on the Wonky Sensatons ™ front but too much to elaborate on. I have moments when the healing is kicking my ass and I feel despondent and down, but then there are moments when self-belief and deservedness kick in.

I don't mind the moments of despondence when I'm at home, but when I'm out and about on the town they're a bit of a nuisance as they're making it difficult to maintain composure.

[Have at ye]

I've made such tremendous progress, I can't believe it's only been five days I've been using this program.

[Have at ye]

Aaaaand another big snag just went through, some sort of GSF combo. I now feel not exactly like "victory lap time", but more like ease of mind and relief. Working on practical stuff, like fixing my printer, doing push ups and going for singing practice in a little while.