AM7 Stage 0 Healing Bootcamp Bonanza

[Have at ye]

I couldn't hold out much longer. So yeah, I made the switch. I'll start the 4 month countdown come March 1st.

First thing: the first song that came to my head: Samael - Telepath, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEKt9gQK...rt_radio=1
And the lyrics, because they're very good and very telling and the dude has a wonky accent:
https://genius.com/Samael-telepath-lyrics

This bodes really well.

The program feels great. It's like on PTSD Rec. Aid but with more manly oomph.

One of the main things I got tired of on healing subs was that I was focused on healing to the detriment of my other pursuit. I can tell on Stage 0 it's not going to be so (hello Ultra Success!)

As to the Primal Masculinity aspect, a TV show came to my mind - HBO's Rome. I really loved it. And the main two characters - Titus Pullo and Lucius Veronius. Now, let's skip the "mentally damaged war veteran" aspect of these characters and focus on their *inhrent badassery* which is my favorite portrayal of manly badassery in TV (the TV show Sparatcus comes close in the character Gannicus, but these guys are more *real*, Spartacus is more of a comic book show, I guess). Reminds me of Titus' advice to his buddy Lucius on how to woo women: "The best thing to do is to give them the beating heart of an enemy. They say they don't like it but they do. Makes 'em wet as October". I agree with Titus wholeheartedly.  "Failing that, it's about the tone of the voice..." BEST SCENE EVAR.

But oh my, did I read the description page and are my politics SO TOTALLY not Shannon's politics, oh boy.  

But we won't be discussing this here in detail.

I've even stopped being wary of not having DRS v2 on my side for the 4+ months I'll be running this bad boy, but I'll manage using some of my personal tricks. I also pity the fool who would test me. 

Alrighty, lessgo, Have at Ye, ya namby-pamby! 

EDT

Oh yeah, I'm running the "you're gonna need this, son" protocol, even though I'm currently not planning on running AM7.

[Have at ye]

Wonky Sensations ™ time:

So I got a PTRA-like wonky sensation smack dab in the middle of my heart center, but it passed after awhile and now the healing wonky sensations are switching between the several Core Trauma areas, as I call them (right leg - right foot - perineum - sides of heart - middle of heart) and giving me PTRA vibes. I get moments of being a very angry boi when these occur, but this passes rather swiftly and altogether I'm feelin' really good.

This bootcamp tempo is more my speed than the PTSD Rec Aid "go at your own pace thing". Then again, it mightn've been like that had I not run it and EHPRA 6G beforehand, so if you have serious stuff to work through, go easy and start with PTSD Rec. Aid stand-alone first, mmkay?

Now, what I'm also noticing is a sudden increase in horniness, even though I'm physically exhausted and it's about time for nappy time. This just Primal Masculinity and PTRA kicking in, or is there a little special sauce added into the mix? Makes me wonder. We'll see as time goes by.

EDIT

Just re-read the description of Primal Masculinity and it has hormone optimization for Primal Masculinity, so I guess that could be it. My vision of Primal Masculinity is pretty much a dude with a boner 24/7, lewl, so lessgo!

[Have at ye]

Huh, so apparently the hormonal adjustments are disabled in Stage 0's version of PM, so the horniness is not due to a sudden boost of testosterone or other manly hormones.

Interesting!

[Bayern2]

Huh, so apparently the hormonal adjustments are disabled in Stage 0's version of PM, so the horniness is not due to a sudden boost of testosterone or other manly hormones.

Interesting!

It's funny, I asked that question because even being on TRT right now, the libido spikes are much higher since I've started Stage 0 than anything else I've felt since starting TRT, so I was curious if that was included.

So it's not just you that's getting that feeling lol.

[Have at ye]

Must be some sort of Special Sauce then!

Or simply the right mix of ingredients.

[Shannon]

A man on his proper masculine focus is more masculine. It is the right mix of ingredients.

[Have at ye]

Thanks for mixing up those ingredients! This is going to be good.

I just had a very manly, albeit short, cry. I started having that song "Bad to the Bone" going on in my head, and I started going all "this *used to be* my song, I lived it and breathed it and people believed it and the *you wore me down to a nub* you $$%&E%^E%" (those are colrful expletives).

Let's make this song my own again!

Now when I walk the streets
Kings and Queens step aside
Every woman I meet, heheh
They all stay satisfied

I wanna be yours pretty baby,
Yours and yours alone
But I'm here to tell ya honey
That I'm bad to the bone.
Bad to the bone.
B-b-b-b-b-b-bad.

And so on! Yes, I justed typed it out of memory.

Ir's quite possible that it was this incoming surge of emotions that was preventing me from going nappy time. I don't mind, it's the weekend and I don't have any jobs to do apart from singing practice and I have 24/7 access to my practice room (I also love meeting and checking out the hot drummer chick who co-owns the place, haha).

[Qiel]

A man on his proper masculine focus is more masculine.  It is the right mix of ingredients.

Could you elaborate more about this proper masculine focus thing? Thanks.

Btw my voice since started AAMS has gotten very deep and sexy (in a masculine way, that's a big plus).

[Shannon]

A man on his proper masculine focus is more masculine.  It is the right mix of ingredients.

Could you elaborate more about this proper masculine focus thing? Thanks.

Btw my voice since started AAMS has gotten very deep and sexy (in a masculine way, that's a big plus).

When a man is focusing through his masculine core, he is (in most cases) expressing himself naturally.  Western society doesn't seem to like that, especially in the United States and especially since feminism.  So most guys are taught not to express their masculinity, not focus into their masculinity or through it, and that tends to make a man whose natural place is being masculine, weak.  

The exception is feminine gay men, who probably won't be interested in this set and really aren't going to benefit from it given the goal is to focus a man into and through his masculine core.  If feminine gay man is your natural state (and not one programmed into you or one you chose later in life in order to be "cool" to the crowd you want to be a part of), more power to you, but this is going a different direction.

Proper masculine focus is really just allowing your natural state - for naturally masculine men - to be what you focus on and through in simply being. Instead of trying to hide it, or pretend it doesn't exist, or try to reduce it to make someone else happy, or whatever.

[Have at ye]

A man on his proper masculine focus is more masculine.  It is the right mix of ingredients.

Could you elaborate more about this proper masculine focus thing? Thanks.

Btw my voice since started AAMS has gotten very deep and sexy (in a masculine way, that's a big plus).

We're gonna test that come singing practice.  I wouldn't mind at all!

Had my first Stage 0 nappy time, it was pretty restful but eventful, by which I mean - dreams. PTRA-like dreams, this time around focused around familial issues, guilt, shame and sexuality.

[Have at ye]

Was thinking about the outward expression of my manly manliness.

I think what I've always been going for is a mix between Rob Halford of Judas Priest fame (with the slight difference I'm straight and he's most definitely not) and a gentelman-boxer, like Frank Bruno (there's a fascinating interview with him by the crazy-man Tyson Fury, somewhere on youtubes).

A question to Shannon - so, the improvements to ASS-ART that are in Stage 0 - are these the ones that made it into DMSI 5.2? Because if so, it should be worth the price of admission even if you own the previous 5.xes.

[Have at ye]

I appear to have a knot of conflicting self-perceptions. The negative self-perceptions, according to which I am a totaly loser, sonny (perhaps even and Oedipal Sonny - NOPE) and a general life's failure - but these do stem from traumatic experiences that layered upon one another and intertwined. So in order to get the most out of anything, like US and PM in this Stage 0 bdy boy, or DMSI later on, I gotta PRA this really hard.

I get feelings of being down and resisty whilst actively listening to my loops of this mostly, I think, but these would appear to pass after some time/preferrably nappy time.

Due to how the program is making me cease trying to weasel out of healing/clearing and FRMing, for now while listening to the loops I gotta take care that I will be so focused on myself and what the sub is doing that I'll be out for the 3 hours of listening time - I can do simple stuff, like work out or maybe clean up my place a little, in little dribs and drabs.

BTW. Operation: Decluterrification was a resounding success. I've already started on Operation: Decluterrification II - my bathroom (which shouldn't take long). Now all I gotta do is vacuum the place and I'll be a happy camper in this regard. Might seem like a small thing, but I'm really proud of My Little Kingdom, y'know, makes it make the place feel more *mine*.

[Have at ye]

This program and me are going to become really good friends, methinks!

Right now I've spent several hours working out, cleaning up a little and working through self-blame, which is my kneejerk reaction whenever someone/something triggers or even induces a neurosis in me (and as they're intertwined, it might look a bit like CPTSD even).

Anyway, the tricky thing is that my perception of manly manliness is taking responsibility for your actions/choices and - more than that - your mistakes.

But making a mistake, a bad choice, even several - this should not result in a traumatic neurosis, I think. So that one's not on me.

I'm feeling energized to do things. I do not feel like playing Diablo II, lol, nor watching a TV show, I want some *action*, preferrably moneymaking, singing-related or woman-related, heheh. Trouble is, things have been slow in recent times. I did not mind as much while PRAing, but I do apparently mind while Stage 0ing. It's also why I got tired of PRA solo - it made me focused on healing to the detriment of other things.

I will not be doing a daily countdown for this one, though I may be posting here a lot anyway, because it was mainly a motivation tool for myself to stick to PRA for as long as I could hold out. On this program - I don't think it'll be a problem. I'll just do a monthly coiuntdown or so, starting from March 1st, as planned.

[Have at ye]

I had a moment there which was somewhat short-lived, but it was there, where the FRM did its jobs splendidly and I felt really calm and non-anxious for a little while there. Felt kinda wonky, even, since I'm so used to a level of anxiety, especially when running subs that trigger something resisty that needs healing.

Had very restful nappy time with no dreams for a change.

Also, it would appear the PRA in Stage 0 is working through a sense of humiliation from various sources, and it's in the right leg (so humiliating attacks and tests in non-romantic/erotic contexts) and on the sides of the heart (so the same but in a romantic/erotic context. Yes, "tests". Oyyy.)

I called myself a namby-pamby earlier on and I did so in a loving manner, but I thought I'd have t boot-camp motivate myself more, but apparently it won't as necessary as I had thought.