euphoria strikes again. Im also setting myself back on track in strong fashion. been thinking about the "i hate you/I love you"dynamic and feeling cold and almost narcissistic in demeanor now.
Also, there is tons of oppurtunity over tekst to escalate, to push pull and play cocky/funny, while before i was clueless, im withdrawing investment in a way. If I lose, so be it, to much investment is just fucking me up and messing around with my head for a bit, like, getting in this fucked up beta routine. I do have a fear of losing attraction, yet the investment became ridiculous, something to keep in mind. Just, don't forget as my interest can wane pretty quickly to an extent, like I'm absolutely aloof and simply not caring, while I do want in ways. Its a 2 split way for me. I enjoy it, its great training, but dont want to avoid, whioch can be pretty much be rooted in fear.
I notice my stance is getting wider, my IDGAF is getting stronger. Also, notice a pattern of becoming more in the moment/present and aware of my stance/bodylanguage further. The pattern of the sub clearing up more and more, like it sort of ramps up the layers, and then dissolves it, only to deepen and ingrain it further. I still have patterns going on that somewhat trigger me at some points, like a slight way of losing touch with myself ( even after 2 damn runs of Am, this still is present )
My attitude overal is even in new places "guide/lead her, use the environment, kill it, no bs is relevant, escalate, push pull, act cocky funny, being this and that and what not" I simply want to broaden my expression, my testing, my skills and charisma. At times I really feel to closed off, which resonates with me being alpha and non caring, alooof and distant even ( hit a nerve ) as being somewhat of a lone wolf/loner, and in ways I still am coming to terms with that ( selfacceptance, perceiving myself coming of to harsh, yet my core is solid as fuck ). Its not the end of the world, its transformation of me and the world simultaneously. An can't be bothered feeling, while another part of me conflicts with that. Socially I want to evolve further, as I have sevefral years of isolation. I also recognize everything as a affirmation suddenly. I have the power.
Just reclaim back my frame and upper hand. its seductive in itself and feels like that, it feels damn good.
To come to dreams, they can be used, hinted at to start a convo. also, my dreams have been ery weird and blurry, yet also somewhat cross-overish with real life events, such as the girl who has a date with me tonight, aswell as some other stuff. conjuring make outs and even thinking about them, integrates it in my arsenal. I also dreamed about julien Blanc, wtf.
I want to run DMSI, andf otherwise I will run AOS 2.0 4G after this. Time for some fucking sexiness.
I do also recognize the anger in this run as I am coming to an end, slight snappy, bitter sometimes and cold. Something that was reported aswell in other journals. I do aswell have my asshole side re-emerge again, but this time its a more liberated kind of asshole, yet want my cockyness back aswell in full expression without having fear lingering around or any egg-shell situations. Its making me pissed.
edit1: Im feeling waaaaay more outgoing of a sudden. I understand several patterns in myself that seem to hold me back in ways, like romance, while attraction goes way more deep, primal. Investment is a thing, like, when understanding the push-pull dynamics. I for some reason have several beliefs and convictions that do somewhat conflict with the sub strongly. its almost like a mental lockdown if it happens. yet, when going cold and bordering cruel and asshole-ish, it all seem to be so liberating. Also, setting frame and boundaries and saying no is powerfull stuff. Like, it spikes it further.
Also, there is tons of oppurtunity over tekst to escalate, to push pull and play cocky/funny, while before i was clueless, im withdrawing investment in a way. If I lose, so be it, to much investment is just fucking me up and messing around with my head for a bit, like, getting in this fucked up beta routine. I do have a fear of losing attraction, yet the investment became ridiculous, something to keep in mind. Just, don't forget as my interest can wane pretty quickly to an extent, like I'm absolutely aloof and simply not caring, while I do want in ways. Its a 2 split way for me. I enjoy it, its great training, but dont want to avoid, whioch can be pretty much be rooted in fear.
I notice my stance is getting wider, my IDGAF is getting stronger. Also, notice a pattern of becoming more in the moment/present and aware of my stance/bodylanguage further. The pattern of the sub clearing up more and more, like it sort of ramps up the layers, and then dissolves it, only to deepen and ingrain it further. I still have patterns going on that somewhat trigger me at some points, like a slight way of losing touch with myself ( even after 2 damn runs of Am, this still is present )
My attitude overal is even in new places "guide/lead her, use the environment, kill it, no bs is relevant, escalate, push pull, act cocky funny, being this and that and what not" I simply want to broaden my expression, my testing, my skills and charisma. At times I really feel to closed off, which resonates with me being alpha and non caring, alooof and distant even ( hit a nerve ) as being somewhat of a lone wolf/loner, and in ways I still am coming to terms with that ( selfacceptance, perceiving myself coming of to harsh, yet my core is solid as fuck ). Its not the end of the world, its transformation of me and the world simultaneously. An can't be bothered feeling, while another part of me conflicts with that. Socially I want to evolve further, as I have sevefral years of isolation. I also recognize everything as a affirmation suddenly. I have the power.
Just reclaim back my frame and upper hand. its seductive in itself and feels like that, it feels damn good.
To come to dreams, they can be used, hinted at to start a convo. also, my dreams have been ery weird and blurry, yet also somewhat cross-overish with real life events, such as the girl who has a date with me tonight, aswell as some other stuff. conjuring make outs and even thinking about them, integrates it in my arsenal. I also dreamed about julien Blanc, wtf.
I want to run DMSI, andf otherwise I will run AOS 2.0 4G after this. Time for some fucking sexiness.
I do also recognize the anger in this run as I am coming to an end, slight snappy, bitter sometimes and cold. Something that was reported aswell in other journals. I do aswell have my asshole side re-emerge again, but this time its a more liberated kind of asshole, yet want my cockyness back aswell in full expression without having fear lingering around or any egg-shell situations. Its making me pissed.
edit1: Im feeling waaaaay more outgoing of a sudden. I understand several patterns in myself that seem to hold me back in ways, like romance, while attraction goes way more deep, primal. Investment is a thing, like, when understanding the push-pull dynamics. I for some reason have several beliefs and convictions that do somewhat conflict with the sub strongly. its almost like a mental lockdown if it happens. yet, when going cold and bordering cruel and asshole-ish, it all seem to be so liberating. Also, setting frame and boundaries and saying no is powerfull stuff. Like, it spikes it further.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
