i'm starting to think there is a enormous well of trauma behind my shutted offness. Even acknowledging this brings me on the brink of wanting to cry. Its a mere glimpse but breaks through the mask. Honestly, its making me very tired and releasing it is the right thing, vulnerability seems to be a scary thing, its a huge web of all kind of patterns and coping mechanisms, an huge investment of years. Its hurts like a mofo and want to release this. it does make sense in the way that it was always there but not recognized.
Full on war going on, with several beliefs inside, like some strong conflict is being fought out. The rabbit hole of fear, pain, emotion and acknowledgment runs very deep. views of how I should live, adopted beliefs and behaviours. the video is spot on. tragic. Death. abdanonment, rejection, pain, mourning, belonging, outcast, nitty gritty shit. to be real to my feelings, I want to die, i feel im in a very negative place. behaviours, belonging, wantiong to be loved, feeling unloved. seeking validation and this might actually trace back to boundary setting and wanting acceptance.
Full on war going on, with several beliefs inside, like some strong conflict is being fought out. The rabbit hole of fear, pain, emotion and acknowledgment runs very deep. views of how I should live, adopted beliefs and behaviours. the video is spot on. tragic. Death. abdanonment, rejection, pain, mourning, belonging, outcast, nitty gritty shit. to be real to my feelings, I want to die, i feel im in a very negative place. behaviours, belonging, wantiong to be loved, feeling unloved. seeking validation and this might actually trace back to boundary setting and wanting acceptance.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
