12-29-2016, 09:25 AM
Not sure if wanting to cry or smashing a wall without any regard of myself.
Anyways. Some strong fears im starting to get fed up with. This trend has to stop. For some reason I still at times give to much of a shit about people and what not stemming from a chronic negative expectation mindset. Had some past abuse and this shit hurts like a mofo right now like being in that exactly same powerless spot. Its as if its never good enough for me. Total mindfog on day 14. I feel it in my body but damn, this splinter is getting in the way of being succesfull and feel like a p*ssy because of it. Not to say procrastination is also pretty much back.
I know and remind myself it is temporary and some strong stuff the sub touches on, that it will pass and facing these walls will eventually be an improvement and growing experience, but right now its total triggerfest and ideas keep snowballing in a negative sense like some crazy masochistic self destruction practice. It makes me wanna quit all together.
Being affected in this way by insignificant people, idk man. Guess going out tonight will be usefull for me. Also a good cry will help me tbh at this point. The tension and bagage of all these years. Man, how did I even live like that in the fucking first place?
Anyways. Some strong fears im starting to get fed up with. This trend has to stop. For some reason I still at times give to much of a shit about people and what not stemming from a chronic negative expectation mindset. Had some past abuse and this shit hurts like a mofo right now like being in that exactly same powerless spot. Its as if its never good enough for me. Total mindfog on day 14. I feel it in my body but damn, this splinter is getting in the way of being succesfull and feel like a p*ssy because of it. Not to say procrastination is also pretty much back.
I know and remind myself it is temporary and some strong stuff the sub touches on, that it will pass and facing these walls will eventually be an improvement and growing experience, but right now its total triggerfest and ideas keep snowballing in a negative sense like some crazy masochistic self destruction practice. It makes me wanna quit all together.
Being affected in this way by insignificant people, idk man. Guess going out tonight will be usefull for me. Also a good cry will help me tbh at this point. The tension and bagage of all these years. Man, how did I even live like that in the fucking first place?
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
