AM6 Round 2

[adam225]

I think personally that the first run is more about over coming resistance and putting you on the path to becoming Alpha. The second run is where you should really start to absorb the material and become Alpha. Then the third run will just stack on top of that and ensure everything is permanent.

I don't believe for the life of me that you'll get all the material out of AM6 in one run.

[JackOfHearts]

Now I'm regretting having started SM..

And if you would have done AM6, you would have say the exact opposite . It's a common trap, focus on what you are doing it's better Every sub has his goods. Did you notice when a lot of people where doing AM6 on stage 2/3 there were saying " I want AM6 to be done to do another thing, I'm bored, I'm depress, it's not working". But when they are on stage 1/5/6 most of them are all happy and they want to run it again.

The same pattern seems to occur from SM3.
In EPHRA it's around 21 days.

I did the same when I was on stage 3 and 2, I was saying in my head "it's hardcore, I want to do WM2, I should have done WM2, one year AM5/6 is too much, it was a bad decision".

[Darwinn]

Resistance is still there, it's more disturbing this time. seriously last night it felt like my brain wast trying to kill me. Again though, my ability to face this is stronger, perhaps that's why my brain is letting me face more.

I agree with Maniac. Wanting to do something else is is likely to be just more resistance and will possibly hold back results if you don't conciously decide to let it go and let your sub do it's thing.

My feeling, and this is yet to be proven fully with experience, is that my problem with the first run is i ignored my concious responsibility to work with the subs in the thought that it was all to just be done to me.

Based on some things that Shannon and others have said about 'taking the brakes off', I have to think at every point of serious resistance, what's stopping me being an alpha male.

this has raised a lot. there are so many reasons i don't want to be. More responsibility, the danger of standing out, being attacked, ridiculed, not good enough, not worthy enough, not intelligent enough - the list can go on.

because of this the attitude to resistance is different, taking it as an invitation to reveal the blocks and actively clear through and DECIDE to over come it has helped with progress alot.

I got some gut wrenching news in being passed up for a promotion. some people at work think i'm no good, damn if that doesn't hurt but i can decide whether it will push me over the edge or not. I decide that it's the chance i need to stop caring, because it is the excessive concern about other's opinions that kills my performance, along side the lack of care for my own opinion and the lack of steadfastness of my own values. It's the perfect opportunity to decide to be alpha, to self-validate, move on and take the lesson.

Similarly a girl i'm meeting seemed to go off me - i showed weakness, when i was in a low state, I had to make the choice to let it go; she actually came to me soon after being all sweet again, i had to tell her to go because i was busy - not because I was trying to be a d*ck but because I'd made the choice to prioritise about what's important to me.

Anyway - that's just my experience so far, for what ever it's worth, sometimes the price of changing is that you have ACTIVELY to give up what you were.

[LionKing]

Now I'm regretting having started SM..

There's still time if you aren't mortally ill or something.. I've been wanting to focus on women for the whole time now that I've been running AM6 and it seems plausible that that has been holding me back in terms of AM6 results. I figure if I run SM3 once or twice now, then I might be able to better focus on the AM6 stuff (when I'm less distracted). Or maybe BASE, hmm..

[Darwinn]

Now I'm regretting having started SM..

There's still time if you aren't mortally ill or something.. I've been wanting to focus on women for the whole time now that I've been running AM6 and it seems plausible that that has been holding me back in terms of AM6 results. I figure if I run SM3 once or twice now, then I might be able to better focus on the AM6 stuff (when I'm less distracted). Or maybe BASE, hmm..

That's cool, I'd ask though what you mean by wanting to focus on women. I only speak about myself here but I know that I'd love to walk into a room and have the hottest women there all over me - which is why I was thinking of sm3 a lot - but I also know that a sizeable part of that was the desire for validation. This is one of the reasons I think AM6 still needs to be gone through (for me)

Last night I worked through a lot of resistance toward being dominant. Lots of fears about the damage I would do to innocent people if I had power over them were raised and I tapped on it all. Since I'm used to people in a powerful position screwing me over I'm afraid that if someone looks up to me or allows me to influence them I will hurt them, possibly for my own benefit. But it needn't be that way.


Now I write I also realise that there is some element of pride in being a ritcheous suffering underdog. Will have to tap on this too.

[LionKing]

That's cool, I'd ask though what you mean by wanting to focus on women...

...but I also know that a sizeable part of that was the desire for validation. This is one of the reasons I think AM6 still needs to be gone through (for me)

Yes, that's basically what I mean. What I mean is that I don't to divert my attention by focusing other stuff (e.g. work, career, money), because I still feel that I need to focus on women. So basically I want to get to unconscious competence with women, so that they're there and I can focus on other stuff. I think neediness is basically the same as requiring external validation from women and that is dealt both in AM6 and SM3. Maybe SM3 is more specifically ext. validation from women and AM6 would gearing you towards internal validation in general? Anyways, both will help.

[Darwinn]

I'm lolling to my self about how things are going. I cleared some issues the other night, having gone through the darkest thoughts i've ever had in my life and now just feel contented and calmly motivated.

I have fears about the future, but - for now at least - it feels like just the right amount of fear to keep things interested and keep myself engaged rather than being overwhelming, or just non-existant.

[jonathan4all]

Man I just like your journal and I always have keen eye to see how your progress running AM6 again. I want to run SM but I am trying hard myself to rerun am6 lol .. so your result might help a little.

[Darwinn]

If it's of some use then I'm glad .

I'm glad to be putting myself out there more, went out with a girl last night and it was pretty lame, I mean she seemed to be having a great time but I was bored stiff, I lost interest in her half way through and all my interest when I realised I was going to get nothing at all out of the evening and out of knowing her further.

Several things came to light.

I have a hatred in me. I hate that I'm nice and non aggressive and I get friend zoned. This wrongly gets transferred onto others, women I'm interested in, the men that they might end up seeing - the anger this generates is freaky, ultimately it boils down to hating that I'm not good enough that someone had confirmed this with their disinterest and then has gone on to say another is just plain better.

I noticed this because although I was not interested in this girl I was jealous at the thought that she might be interested in a friend of mine.


I'm working to clear this today - it's holding me back from being who I want to be and so it has to go.

I also am still smarting over my lack of progress in life, the simple fact that most people around me have moved up on the career ladder and I'm still on the bottom rung - RAAAGE!!!

I think the second issue is actually quite positive though.

Anyway I see on the forum a lot of PSTEC talk so I'm going to check that bad boy out to see if it helps with clearing some of this bullshit

[Darwinn]

I thought i'd go into a little more detail about some of the more subtle things I've noticed on this sub which give me indication that things have changed somewhat, and thoughts on blocks i'm facing.

In summary.
1. Date with girl, I was very calm, not worrying about trying to impress, but afraid to escalate or indicate my intentions.
2. I'm talking with senior colleagues and bosses like they're on my level.
3. I get more attention from women generally, and am more relaxed around them - the goal of "Treat women as people to enjoy the company of, without taking them too seriously, needing them, or being easily upset by them." seems to be very true, and it shows in the increased time i spend with women socially.
4. I'm still hitting bouts of severe depression, discontent and anxiety, but the tools i'm using to clear these help alot and ensure they're relatively short lived.

soo....

The date I was just on, I was uninterested in qualifying myself to this girl - joking and funny when i wanted to be, open with my feelings about things, and totally calm and content to be quiet at others, just listening and letting her talk. She said that she'd dated a few 'boys' recently and it was always irritating how they tried too hard to impress. I reflected on how often in the past i'd been a clown trying to impress, picking up huge tabs (we split it).

On the not so great side I was still hesitant to express my desire for her. I wanted to escalate. Or more I wanted her to escalate, and wanted her to desire me enough that she would make the first move. which is neediness, and wanting validation again. I have a trace fear that i would make an unwelcome advance and would be rejected.

As I write it occurs to me that this might also be because I have a base self image as an undesirable, someone who repulses women - mainly because of my high school experiences. Let's just say I'm unique looking where I come from, and exotic looks are not particularly welcome (at least when I was younger). I also don't want women to see me as dirty - on some level i look at sexual escalation as a dirty act done to an innocent (text book madonna-whore complex), and my escalation is just me being barbaric. Of course those are just bullshit belief structures that need to be broken down, I only write them because they occur to me as i do, and then because they might help somone else who identifies with them.

People seem to respond well to me on a social level, but not on a work level. Women in particular. I was sitting by a senior manager and it clearly blew his mind a little when over the course of about 2 hours, one woman had walked over to my desk just to flirt, another to say she was excited about our dinner date, and then another to ask when i was going to take her out on a dinner date! the manager, though I think he thinks of me as incompetent was making an effort with me after to joke around, which he never does. Another work colleague who always gets annoyed at me invited me over to his place to sample some good quality spirits (since I was talking about how i liked them).

I talk to some of the most senior people, when not talking about work, in a tone which doesn't acknowledge any difference. However when I'm talking about work and i need to have organised communication i find this difficult, i panic and talk rubbish. I put this down to problems with ADHD. Posts on this forum have been quite instructive on the effects of 'heavy metals' on the brain, and i want to change my diet to improve on my mental clarity - I find this difficult, i have tried many times and failed many times.


I want to eliminate all blocks to work motivation and anxieties about it, so that i at least make my best effort, right now i just seem to peter out of drive for getting work done, pushing a head iwth it becaus i don't feel there is any reward.

I'm going to experiment with PSTEC now to see how it helps.

Ah and I missed one and a half nights due to phone battery dying/sleepphones falling off!!!

that's 16 nights (14.5 discounting the above) passed since i started listening to stage 1 of AM6 for the second time.

[ffaux]

Since starting AM I've been very lucky to have people step up and help me uncover my unknown unknowns that are preventing me from being an effective operator at work. Seek out people you look up to in your organisation and start developing relationships with them. After a while ask them if they will mentor you and help you understand what's holding you back from growing by explaining that you don't know what your gaps are that are keeping you at the bottom.

[Darwinn]

Thanks man., agree seeking mentors at work could make a big diff.

I can't help but feel there is some self sabotage going on, a few times I've left my phone off charge and it's run out of battery during the night, or I've done the same with my speakers. Anyway back on track listening.

This post might be a little macabre so sorry if it bums you out. X

Thoughts on death and my relation to it have been cropping up. I'll be honest and open, last week when I said it felt as though my mind was trying to kill me I meant it, I was having *those* thoughts.

Now I'm over it it's given me some perspective on my relationship to dying. In many ways when we hit discomfort, I think our resistance to it comes from survival instinct, somewhere in out minds there's a program that says whatever were resisting will some how kill us or rather letting go of the program we have will. The mind or ego is so fucked up that it's possible that it will start to say that it's better to not go on than suffer the discomfort that giving up the program entails, the program kind of goes back on itself and turns from survival to destruction.

Ok so why is this potentially important. Because it feeds into a frame which many have adopted before, the 'I'm ready to die for this' frame.

If you have a goal, and say you want to achieve it no matter what, you will be willing to die in the process if you must, resistance take a back seat as does almost everything else. 50 cents get rich or die trying is a prime example though I'd be surprised if many people didn't resonate with this - it's something that's been there for me certainly.

The difficulty is. Whilst life becomes simpler under this frame. It's not really conducive to health and well mental well being (I suspect). I want to be a millionaire in a years (in assets) time with a solid monthly income from my assets. If I go balls to the wall to achieve it though, will I become narrow? Will I just suck with women and socially?

I want this goal though, and I am willing to suck, shit if I'm willing to die in the process then sucking at everything else will be small.

Hopefully AM6 will keep me from turning into a complete lame ass during the process.

In other news, noticed a few other things. Cleaning lady was immensely giggly when I spoke to her today, a woman on thhe phone when I was talking to my bank started flirting with me, I have several women texting me a lot.

Room is cleaner than it's been in a long time. And I have begun a kundalini yoga meditation aimed at boosting your capacity for action and will power since this seems particularly week for me.

[Darwinn]

Hmm... Trying PSTEC, first run had been hard to work - not sure I get it, when you tap your fingers is it just supposed to be on the table?

Have a massive desire to improve my life, am daily in a morning yoga ritual, and generally getting my house in order, money wise first. I'm still frustrated by work though - I never used to have the problems with cognition I have now. It's like my brain works at half rate though increasingly I'm feeling it start to work a little again. Have a meeting in the morning which will be a tough one. I need to be on top but I don't have enough time to prepare so I'm going to release on success and performing well Sedona style and see where that gets me.

Will report back on how this goes.

[Benjamin]

You can tap them anywhere.. on the table, on your leg, arms of a chair.. it doesn't matter. It's basically a pattern interrupt.

I've actually used FasterEFT very little since starting PSTEC and I feel that so far I am getting better results atleast for self use.

-Ben