AM6 Round 2

[Leo1990]

Are you going to do it again? How is this time around compared to the last time?

[Darwinn]

I think I'm going to do the refresher afterwards.

The second time round revealed to me the real power of these subs, i think this alone was very important to me.. I've essentially gone through the same cycle as last time, but now with 'better' (i say that in quotation marks because, better doesnt exactlty mean feeling good...in fact its pretty awful some times) results, perhaps because i'm more aware.


For example. I wrote above that in stage 6, i'm finding an almost impassable lack of care about my office work and life. it's like everything inside me refuses to give a shit, moody, annoyed, dispondent. allowing myself to sit with this feeling helped me to understand that what i'm intensely resisiting is doing anything that i haven't fully chosen to do myself. I won't be forced into anything, not by threat of a bad review, or losing my job or whatever, and this in turn is forcing me to do things out of being good to myself (again).

This time around was all in all more intense. I was on ADHD meds for a good portion of it (roughly two stages), and that sent me all over the place, prior to those however, i was more determined, focussed and disciplined than i had ever been. I was also leading my family, and some friends through tough times of their own without getting sucked in, drawing solid boundaries with people who play games and try to take advantage (including women) and so on. I'm quickly getting back on the wagon, having been slightly side tracked.

I still have a few problems though. I 'short-circuit' in the face of authority or someone who is very intimidating/successful, and become quiet. I have also stopped caring about a lot of things, which is a double edged sword. Mentally I feel slow, like i'm unable to process conversations well. I know very well this is a by-product from lack of exercise, diet, and alcohol though.

At work I had someone essentially trying to bully me. at first i got so incredibly angry, to the point where i was going to rage at everyone and storm out of the place with a big 'fugg you'. I had developed the power to be able to do that - which is something, but then i calmed down and the not giving too much of a sh*t kicked in. I moved on and let it go, now that person is being quite nice to me.

I feel like AM6 is never going to be a happy fun journey. of course periods of fun, and elation come after getting past a particularly dark challenge or hole, but Manhood and leadership is created by challenge and challenge alone, facing demons externally and internally. You can try to do things to avoid them aiming for a smooth AM6 ride, but my suspicion (and it's only a theory at the moment) is that it will challenge you harder each time, since your capacity for growth will expand.

I read a great book called 'the obstacle is the way' by Ryan Holiday, which explains Stoicism through the historical figures that praciticed/demonstrated its practices. What is common amongst them, and other leaders you can see is long periods of battling through depression, and anxiety, until they reach a sort of surrendered state of action and a functional relationship with their own sense of mortality and their lifes purpose. I think particularly about Lincoln who himself spent long periods of his life brooding and depressed.

Thinking on where I was coming from as well. I've been considered manly by a lot of people, but i know that was just a facade, I was incredibly beaten down by life, and considered myself a complete failure.

right now i still feel like a failure from time to time, and can be intimidated though comparison with others, or just my lack of progress in life. this perversely provides energy for advancement but too much and it becomes limiting. So after a bit more time on the refresher stage I'll go for something more positive, like BASE, LTU or maybe even EPRHA. I'm tempted to go straight for BAMM, considering whether locking myself in for the long run is worth it given the pace of advancement of these subs though. Sex Magnet would be valuable as well, but i'm at an age where I need to get the financial side of my life under control first.

Nevertheless I will have to return to AM6 or its future variants again for full runs a few times in my life. That's still clear.

[Darwinn]

Newark g half way through stage 6 now. Noticing people responding to me in a more pleasant way. I'm also starting to feel quite frustrated as my lack of success with women. Frustrated is a bit strong ... Let's just say my current success rate falls short of what I should be entitled to as a man of value.

I want to correct this by running sm3, but my goals for getting my head together are still at the front of my mind. I would expect to get promoted in the next couple of months which would mean I need much higher motivation and need to require parts of my self image which are still coded for self sabotage and failure.

I also want to move things along with my business, yet part of me just thinks - why don't I get women handled first, and let the rest come after?

[Darwinn]

As far as I'm concerned, two rounds of am6 are now over. These runs have been far from perfect but hopefully my experience will serve some use here, I've learnt one or two things which might be useful.

1) Follow the damn rules. I can't stress this enough. You will be challenged, and feel crap some times and this may make you want to give up and take short cuts, in my case medication. Just come here and vent if you have to and don't feel self concious because some people make a point of always being positive no matter what they feel - just do you and say what the f you feel.

2) concious change is important too. Not everything has to flow just from subs, and yet in a wierd way when you allow yourself to start conciously acting how you aspire to act, the subs will help this. Subs might tell you to become an alpha, be more disciplined, create healthy boundaries - conciously deciding to do all of these and acting on them, even if you don't feel like it is a huge affirmation imo.

3) screw the subs. Subs are awesome, and some of the effects verge on miraculous. Theyve proved a lot of things which I once thought mad to me. Yet ovet analysis of every second you're on them is excruciating - I have done it myself and see other doing it, relating lots of things that may or may not be down to their exposure to these subs. Give it a rest, get on with your life and let them do their thing. It wil happen, just let it.

4) do not compare. Not in subs or in the rest of your life. If you want to be an alpha then start here, resolve yourself to you, everyone else had their own journey, and if you're not where they are it doesn't matter, just do you and find your way. If they've got useful tips, then sure take em on, but always as an addition to your own arsenal, and when you do be aware of overloading yourself with self help tools and being paralysed with choice, this happened to me.

5) don't run and hide from negative feelings. You feel like shit for a reason, understand what that reason is, there is wisdom and a lesson there. Also do t take your emotional state too personally, in many ways it's something that is independent, like your dog, you can train it to be a good dog and do what you tell it to do, but it's just a dog and every now and then it might forget you're the boss and try biting your balls, or get over excited and try f*king you in the ear, either way you realise it's just a dog/crying child or whatever metaphor you wana use.

I largely feel that my runs of am6 would have been infinitely better if I followed these points of advice , I'm not preaching, you are more than welcome to disagree, but if they're of use then good.

Time to get some positivity in my live now as well as this grim determination I have.

Safe