AM6 Journal

[AlphaScorpio]

Stage 2 - Day 5 - Total Exposure - 65 hours

Been having more arguments with family and sisters recently, they are getting annoyed at my impatience and demanding attitude atm. I'm getting tired of them giving me "maybe" answers for everything instead of yes or no (especially sisters). I'm becoming a bit of an asshole at the moment, more than usual. I haven't been out much recently but these are the things I'm noticing with family.

Also the desire to masturbate has been fairly big since the ending of stage 1. I have broken my streak of 65days but the interesting thing is I don't feel shame or guilty about doing so, that empty feeling when I masturbate doesnt happen anymore, this is good!

Haven't watched or jerked to porn for 75 days and I don't intend to for the months to come, AM6 stage 1 really helped me with not looking at porn, I have no desire for it.

My headphones broke so I'm using these samsung earbuds for a while until I can get some new ones...

[Shannon]

@SHANNON: yea, what is the "surprise" anyhow???????

If I told you, how would I know how well it is affecting you guys without you knowing what it is? I'll make it public when the time is right. In the mean time, I am expecting it to become fairly apparent all by itself by the end of the program. :-)

[stratos]

such a tease

[Benjamin]

I'm gonna have to be careful because I don't want to know what it is until I use AM6 and find out for myself and that won't be for atleast 3 months or so.

Guess I should stop reading these journals soon. What stage should people notice it Shannon so I can stop reading before then?

[Psiklou]

bigger cock

[AlphaScorpio]

Stage 2 Day 6 - Total Exposure : 94 hours

Not noticing too much but had an interesting dream last night where I was watching a theatrical version of "300" the spartan movie. Was fucking epic. I was on the stage and I stood next to Leonidas while he let out a massive war cry like a boss. I felt pretty pumped.

[AlphaScorpio]

Feeling pretty shit recently, been arguing with grandparents about jobs and working hard etc. etc.
I know I have a bad attitude when it comes to work and jobs. I just fucking hate working in them though. It makes me tired and depressed slogging it out everyday. Managers usually dont like me or at least the last 2 didn't. Grrrrr fuck sake.

The thing is I don't care about having money, I don't enjoy spending money on stuff, I couldn't care less. Right now the only reason I want a job is to be thought better of by my peers/grandparents/parents and that's a bullshit reason to get a job.

Motivation is pretty low now too, I have little to no drive to do things like gym or socialize etc. Maybe I need to start nofapping again and disciplining myself more. All I've been doing the past 2/3 days is making food, sitting on the computer and arguing with parents and now grandparents. Something has to fucking change.

[Bayern2]

This sounds pretty similar to how I am every night. Also in stage 2, and I don't really do anything during the week. All I do is work then go home and stare at my computer for a couple hours while watching tv, then go to bed. It's pretty boring during the week but I don't feel like doing too much since I want to get the time in with the sub.

I tried to do no fap for a little bit, but fell off the wagon, and I think that has diminished my sleep and motivation for anything. I wouldn't suggest falling back into the fapping.

[AlphaScorpio]

So it's been 2 weeks on stage 2. to be honest I am really confused, on some level it's like AM6 is doing f all and then when I think about it, it seems to be doing some subtle stuff, but who knows.

Think I'll shave my head to a grade 3 and get that crazy skin head look back, get back into hitting the gym. Need to touch up on the scruffy beard and get some kind of fashion sense apart from tracksuits and gym tops :p I can't wait for stage 3 I want to get as much dominance training as possible and I don't care if I become a complete jerk for a while.

My passion for sport is really coming back since starting AM6 though... watching the football, playing fifa with mates, playing football with randoms on full size pitches and scoring goals every game... wtf when did I get good at football?of course I need some more practice and experience but the last time I played it was when I was 9 years old ffs. I am 99% sure this has something to do with AM6, I think my greatest gift has been sport and athletics but I most definately repressed it during my early teens. My parents and coaches had always said I was a natural.. how did I just ignore all that potential...Fuck just imagine where you'd be now if you continued with football and rugby. I guess this must be AM6 drawing this out and shoving my gifts right in my face. I want to play more sport and get involved more, will hopefully be going to some regular training sessions in the future.

TLDR; sport side of life is getting pretty cool, although still confused about the alpha side... maybe they are linked somehow?

[AlphaScorpio]

Stage 2 day 15 - Woke up at 4am feeling shit and started thinking about everything again. Felt very negative like I'm stuck and can't move on. Frustration is very present at the moment. I'm spending more time inside on the computer playing games, surfing the net, hiding from the world.

EDIT - It seems I had another random bout of depression/frustration I remember having several of these during AM5. I guess it's better than feeling nothing.

Another thing is during/after the bout I am having the funny warm sensation in my lower abdomen again like I did in stage 1...

[AlphaScorpio]

stage 3 started today.

didn't notice much during stage 2 so it's time to bring out the big guns. also I am right in understanding this is where the secret surprise begins how exciting!

[SargeMaximus]

Haven't seen you for a while Scorpio, I was hopin' you'd gotten yourself busy. Oh well, good luck on Stage 2.

[AlphaScorpio]

3 days into stage 3 and I've had 2 sex dreams. 1was with my ex and another I was carrying this hot redhead around looking for a bed lol caveman shit.

@sarge yeh I've just felt no need to post due to lack of results with stage 2. you must be nearing stage 3 now yeah?

[SargeMaximus]

3 days into stage 3 and I've had 2 sex dreams. 1was with my ex and another I was carrying this hot redhead around looking for a bed lol caveman shit.

@sarge yeh I've just felt no need to post due to lack of results with stage 2. you must be nearing stage 3 now yeah?

I start it monday night.

Did you "finish the job" in the dream? I've been having some dreams regarding picking up women too but I never seem to get anywhere, except last night I had a pornstar obsessing over me and I got her number... in a dream that is