AM 5.0 Journal

[AlphaScorpio]

Yeah I can relate Ace, alot of the feelings I have are towards many different people, It's like Im fed up of everyone treating me this way get the FUCK out of my life hahaha.

Today I picked up my motorbike, I felt pretty weirdly nervous and anxious today, hesitant and stumbled over my words a fair bit, I'm fed up of acting like this I have no idea why i get like that. I'm more irritable and I've had a few doubts in my mind about this subliminal which I hate lol cause on one hand I know deep down this shit works, but on another hand im like "does it really?" annoying shit.

My grandparents had a go at me for buying the motorbike but my parents said I could so i basically told them they could stuff it in a polite way lol.

[AlphaScorpio]

to sum today up, I felt vulnerable

[AlphaScorpio]

Had an interesting dream last night

I was walking through a jungle with some old friends, and suddenly we heard this roaring sound, so we walked further and came across this little hole, as we drew closer to the hole we saw a little tiger cub in there and it was growling at us defensivly, we all tried to grab it to try and keep it under control but it leap up and ran around us in circles nipping at our feet. Finnally I stopped chasing it and stood still the cub froze and i bent down and touched it on the nose and gave it a gentle assertive pat. The cub sat down and a lead appeared on a collar around the cub's neck and the handle appeared in my hand the little cub was calm and followed me round on the lead.

was a pretty cool dream, wonder if anyone understands what it could mean/symbolize?

[Shannon]

It would seem to symbolize you becoming the master of something you had previously been mastered by, or chasing.

[AlphaScorpio]

Yes, it did feel like that Shannon.

A question for you Shannon, at the end of stage 1 like the last 2 days I had a feeling of confidence and I became pretty damn chatty and stopped caring about what I said and just said it with confidence I also had a kind of Alpha playfulness about me and I went on a walk with this girl who lives with me and grandparents and I was making her laugh alot and playfully flirting and taking the lead, I felt pretty masculine and she was clearly loving it lol, usually we get into serious conversations and it's kind of emotionless but that day I felt real good vibe going on mostly due to me being open and thus opening her up, is it weird then for me to be having those kinds of experiences when it's only a neativity cleaning stage? or is it a glimpse of what might come to pass further down the road of AM?

[Shannon]

After you get rid f the garbage, what's left? The stuff you want to keep. The good stuff. That's a precursor, my friend.

[AlphaScorpio]

I wants more good stuff So I guess it's like AM is peeling off the layers of negativity from me and every layer there is a moment of my real self (without the crap) that gets to shine before it starts working on the next layer of negativity and so on...

[Shannon]

That could be what's happening, and might not be. Humans are exceedingly complex creatures.

[AlphaScorpio]

day 10 stage 2 - Not really feeling much change recently, maybe change is happening without me being aware of it. The resistance from week 1 has definately gone cause I feel kinda smooth

[AlphaScorpio]

Update: Stage 2 Day 13: So I've had a funny feeling recently, I'm kinda feeling like I can socialize easier but I don't actually feel motivated to go out and socialize... I've turned down several invitations by this girl who lives with me and grandparents to go and hang out with her school friends and play games at the beach but I just don't want to, I think it's fear mainly. So odd though.

Feeling a little insecure today after my grandma said that I was a bit of a hermit lol i got defensive about that comment and tried to persuade her that I wasn't... pointless trying to persuade my grandmother to another point of view... should've learnt that by now haha

Yeah in summary I feel kinda smooth socially but introverted and weirdly fearful of going out or meeting people I don't know well.

[AlphaScorpio]

Earlier today I went to hand in cv s and complete application forms with my uncles crazy friend called Rosie,.she's Brazilian, has a load of botox injected into her butt, the biggest and loudest mouth I have ever heard and the fakest most bubbly personality to go with it, holy fuck does she annoy me. Went to a total of 2 stores to hand in cv s which took 2 hours, 2 Fucking stores! about 20 minutes of that time was spent filling in applications (doing what I came here for) and the rest was bubble butt Rosie chatting away with every Fucking person in the store attention whoring the way lol. after a while I said look Rosie I'm going to stand outside can you finish in 5 minutes? Ok ok Daniel! I come I come!

Bull shit.

After ten minutes of standing outside I just walk to the bus and hop on without her, fuck her for wasting my time.

[Shannon]

And the journey begins.

[AlphaScorpio]

I should add that I also didn't feel guilty or ashamed for leaving her behind whereas usually I would be fretting over whether it was "right" or if I came across as "rude" I had one or two thoughts like this then i just went "fuck it" and walked off without thinking it over again. Later that day rosie called me up to say what happened, I calmy said "You said you'd be 5 minutes and I ended up waiting for 10 so I left and got the bus home" she apolagized etc. I explained what happened to my grandparents and my grandad (who's definately alpha) agreed that what I did was the best thing I could do.

[Shannon]

Indeed it was. You refused to allow her to disrespect you by wasting your time, and in the process, take advantage of and control you. Exactly the sort of response a man who respects himself and his time would have made. Just like today, I was supposed to meet a woman for a date, and she did not call between 10 and 11 am, as she told me she would yesterday. So I waited till 11:15 and called her to ask if I had misunderstood her as to who should call whom, and all I got was a lame excuse. So... I discarded my previous plans, took care of errands, and had a nice lunch with someone else. She lost my respect and I am completely uninterested at this point, which is probably only going to make her really want me now, since I am sure it was just a sh*t test. But now it's too late: I have a lot of ladies who are much more interested in not wasting my time and playing ridiculous games, because they actually want to be with me.

An alpha doesn't waste his time, or let others waste his time.