AM 5.0 Journal

[AlphaScorpio]

Hey guys!

I've been hanging round the forums for a while now, reading other people's journals and many great successes but I haven't ever posted so here goes.

I'm 17, from UK, lived with both parents (fortunately) but unfortunately me and my father aren't very close or have much of a male bond at all, he is sort of a nice guy as well (often runs around doing things my mum tells him to do) and I believe I have taken on some of those beta/niceguy behaviors as it's come up in the relationships with girls I've had...

So there are my reasons for starting AM

I'm going into AM 5.0 with the attitude of just letting the program do it's thing and not seeking results, cause the expectation can often lead to disappointment/frustration (ego).

I'm just finishing off ASC 5g which I have used for about 42 days now and I have to say it's been mixed for me, sometimes I have a few days where i feel really confident and euphoric...other days I feel slightly nervous and depressed (old self) so it was a little unpredictable (most likely me resisting) however, the days of confidence were great and I feel it has on some level become a part of me I can access easier than before which I feel is some good progress and I'd like to say Thank you Shannon for making ASC 5g free for people, very good decision and generous!

But I'm really up for a challenge with AM 5.0 I know from the journals that this won't be easy so I'm keeping that in mind, but also yeah like I said wanna keep the expectations low and just let it do it's thing.

Goals:
Feel more secure in myself
Feel more masculine (ASC did help a little here)
Face challenge with more desire to overcome it (not just to bear it until it passes)
Become self reliant (or more so)
CON-FI-DENCE!!!
Less social inhibition (ASC helped a little)
Develop IDGAF attitude
Self respect
Become better with the ladies!

I don't expect these results to come instantly, you'd be crazy to think that...but I am keeping a little desire and hope in the back of my mind that some of these are improved...

Starting tonight on the 19/04/2013

hell yeah.

[IronSmooth]

Welcome bro

Looking forward to reading your journal.

When i did ASC 5g too, i noticed the confidence comes in waves. Each time you hit a low/old self/no confidence, resistance is probably the cause, after the wave of resistance passes, the next wave of confidence comes in, and then another low point. But each time the low point is less noticable and "smoother". So the low points are a good thing.

I forgot who said this,(sorry) so i dont take credit for it, but its perfectly described and exactly what i noticed.

[AlphaScorpio]

Welcome bro

Looking forward to reading your journal.

When i did ASC 5g too, i noticed the confidence comes in waves. Each time you hit a low/old self/no confidence, resistance is probably the cause, after the wave of resistance passes, the next wave of confidence comes in, and then another low point. But each time the low point is less noticable and "smoother". So the low points are a good thing.

I forgot who said this,(sorry) so i dont take credit for it, but its perfectly described and exactly what i noticed.

Yeah that's exactly what I got, good to know I'm not the only one

[Shannon]

Assume nothing. Know nothing. Be still, be placid, and allow AM to show you what it does. Expectations are self fulfilling prophecies. What may be challenging for me, may be easy for you. Looking forward to your journey.

[Danks101]

Good luck bro!

GO SCORPIO!

[AlphaScorpio]

so nothing much to report apart from an outburst of anger and depression. hanging in there though... was just thinking shannon - do you think am5 would help me with fear of rejection or fear of just letting go and being myself? i have found it hard to be intimate with close friends/girls cuz im afraid they wont accept me...just a thought.

will keep you posted

[Shannon]

Generally, AM 5.0 will strongly focus you inwardly and on becoming aware of what is versus what should be in terms of being treated well, given the respect you deserve, deserving respect, and disconnecting from worrying about what others think. In other words, if you respond to it the way most people do, you won't care what they think or whether they accept you, because you will understand that you do not need their permission to be awesome or their validation to know that you are awesome being yourself!

Once you genuinely understand that being yourself to the fullest is how you are true to yourself, and you are secure in yourself, you turn the tables and what others think holds little to no value because you are the one making the decision as to what you think of yourself. When you are worried about what others think, or how they will respond, you are coming from a place of insecurity and seeking validation from others, instead of self generating it. That is what triggers that anxiety and concern; but once you are your own source of validation and you are your own source of what you think of yourself, you can listen to what others think, but you understand that what they think is their opinion, and their opinion is not going to influence you in what value you have chosen to give yourself, or what level of validity you give yourself.

The Alpha is a leader of himself first and foremost; he does as he pleases because he does not concern himself with what others think of him, his choices, his words or his actions. He instead validates himself and gives himself value. Others may agree or disagree, but that is not of his concern, because they are not his source of these things. He is. (Same for Alpha females.)

[AlphaScorpio]

so yesterday i had a big argument with my mother. she threw insults at me saying im angry hateful and narcissistic...Im planning on moving to my grandparent's place down in bournemouth and hopefully get a job and buy some study guides for college in september...ive had enough of living with my mother. one day she says theres nothing wrong with me then the next day she says i have all these problems...ive heard enough. it does nothing but make me question myself and feel confused.

been reading AM book 3/4 of the way through.

[AlphaScorpio]

thanks Shannon. makes sense

really want to get myself sorted emotionally before i start college

[Shannon]

Generally I prefer that people be 18 or older before they start AM because AM will make one of two things happen for most people who are not living on their own. Either it will cause all sorts of fights and issues with parents or guardians as you become what you are becoming... or it will make you miserable and depressed if you refuse to face your fears and the people who are preventing you from being who you are and achieving your full potential.

Also, don't expect AM 5 will "sort you emotionally" in one run through. Most of us, me included, have needed more than once. I've run every version that has come out plus one that was never released, and the results have been awesome, but it takes time. Much less time, to be sure, but time. 2-3 run throughs is usual, and you'll keep improving with each one you do even after that.

So you may want to wait until you're not living with parents, because the journey can be hard on them, just as it can be hard on you. Things are expected to be chaotic, confusing and changing in college as you and everyone around you are all in the same boat, growing and changing fast. I can understand how you would want to gain some strength first, but again... consider the consequences while you are under someone else's thumb legally. 18 is the recommended minimum age for starting AM for that reason.

Presuming things are like this over the pond...

[AlphaScorpio]

I understand Shannon, and I see how it could mess up family life etc. but I've been arguing with parents for about 6 years on and off pretty badly and have had some major outbursts of anger etc. what's finally happened is that ive realized I'd be better off living with my grandparents because I never get into fights and I generally respect them alot more. Today my mum said that she thought it would be beneficial to us both that I live with grandparents and that it was a good choice of mine to want to go there.

I am also definately intending on going through AM more than once, hoping to use it twice in a year (roughly) with 2 weeks break in between finishing this set then starting again most likely AM 6.0

I think I've been needing this distance from parents for a long time and I'm not sure exactly how I so willingly chose to go live somewhere else but usually I'd be thinking about it for days and procrastinating...not wanting the change.

college starts in semptember so 4/5 months away

I think this is going to be an interesting 6 months...

[Darkness]

Alpha scorpio

Dude keep going with AM because if you have the power to transform do it
I have similar occurrences in my domicile. Problems have and will arise, all your
doing is building a solid to weather them all. Stay on course.

[AlphaScorpio]

Yeah I'm 100% seeing this through, I'd say it's just what I need at this moment in my life I've wanted to move and get away from family in the past and I've wanted to ditch my old social group with friends that couldn't care less but I had always been afraid to and now I just simply don't have that fear... It's like, I do care about having a social life, I do care about my family being happy etc. but right now, I just want to get out of this city Gloucester and go to Bournemouth to start a new temporary life until I come back in September, I'll most likely be moving into a flat near my college too.

apart from all this I've been in my room most of the time this week, hopefully going to do something with Dad later today but it's mostly Halo 3 on the xbox lol. I'm gonna book my CBT lessons for a 125cc Motorbike soon and then hopefully get one this month.

Thanks Darkness for the reply, what stage of AM are you on?

[Darkness]

I havent started it yet , because im doing AOS and Irresistible Charisma subs , im anxiious to start it though. I got bought it, im just wanna finish the mentioned by the third week of may,week rest and then, AM 5.0.