A Sexy Alex, stage 2: DMSI Journal (now 3.3.2!)

[apollolux]

I've turned over in my head many times what I want to say here and how I want to say it so it's most useful for Shannon and prospective DMSI users. Unfortunately, I don't think any amount of written word can properly convey what I'd like to get across for this, so I'll try as best I can. Long post ahead warning.

Today was the 30th day of my 12th cycle of DMSI by itself (cycle = 32 days, of course). I say the 12th cycle ends about now because I took 7 days off after the 9th cycle to switch to a 32 day cycle of AM6 stage 7 before returning to DMSI. I haven't been on the forums for months mainly due to a depression-fueled futility, the feeling that visiting the forums in my current state is pointless and not worth it for the progression of my sexual well-being or helpful for those considering buying DMSI as beta and participating in that data collection program.

I've chosen to return today because, among other reasons, a recent mass email from the shop said that DMSI 3.2 is available and I was curious to find out what about it would be improved over 3.1. I need to enumerate a few things for Shannon's data collection first and let the sub-listening public know about my current listening experience before I choose to switch to 3.2. I wanted to return a few days ago but I still had difficulty coming up with the words for this post and the idea that I'd have to sift through eight months of posts to reacquaint myself with forum present felt overwhelming. Another major reason is that my 33rd birthday is on the horizon and I've been attempting to take stock in how my life has progressed or not over these past 33 years.

First and foremost, I must stress that I have not had any sex since beginning listening to DMSI, or even subs in general, nor have I been approached by sexually desirable women for such. I may or may not be one of Shannon's "hard-gainers" like CatMan, but before anyone here says anything as far as I'm aware I'm not consciously doing anything to sabotage the process. I have seen an overall increase of supposed general attraction signals from women like constant hair flipping with skin exposure, leg crossing (especially pretzeling), and constant clothes adjustment (especially pulling up pants regardless of how high or low those pants may be), but not only are women neither conscious nor acknowledging of sending these signals to me, their apparent mates have exhibited an overwhelming amount of mate-guarding (especially the "arm around the shoulder to bring her in closer" gesture) in these circumstances.

Second of all, I'd like to stress that my results or lack thereof may be affected by the existence of a clinical depression and the prescription of medication related to that. There is an overwhelming feeling of futility that permeates my daily life and the degree to which it affects said life changes day-to-day. As such, I wouldn't be surprised if enormous amounts of energy are spent just trying to overcome that each day in order to proceed with any amount of normalcy.

Thirdly, I was recently diagnosed with low-T. This is not something I'm prone to sharing publicly but for the purpose of data collection I feel the need to disclose it here. It seems to have been declining steadily for a couple of years and has only been measured since either 2016 or 2017, so I don't have a definitive baseline measurement from before this current depression diagnosis nor before even listening to subs. The specifics as to the development of this low testosterone diagnosis are not yet known to me, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a combination of diet and depression. I feel overall motivation has been reduced over time and that creates a vicious cycle with regards to the depression.

Through the 12 cycles, looking back at my offline journal it seems I switched between A and B every three cycles or so to see if there were any significant differences in mindset, and I'm finishing off this 12th cycle with A. A few cycles were dedicated to the original recommended amount of loops, some more with as many as 6 loops in a DMSI 3.1 cycle. If you look back at my old posts, you'll notice that I've asked Shannon and Ben about this and was suggested to increase until I felt I couldn't handle it; I stopped at 6 because I could not reliably listen to more than 6 back-to-back loops per day, mainly due to schedule conflicts.

I noticed that the DMSI 3.2 instructions say one loop per day and a secondary ASRB of one day off per 7 days and I'm curious to find out why. I'll definitely be looking through the months of forum posts that I've missed to catch up and find out how that happened (at least 50-something pages in the DMSI Suggestion Thread alone!), but I wouldn't be surprised if after a cycle of one loop that I feel it won't be enough and ask what the next recommended ASRB is.

I can say for certain that what I've felt the most and most intensely over the past year was frustration. The frustration is mainly over why I'm not getting what I want in various aspects of life even though I've worked hard for it, and why people feel they can try to take advantage of me without me noticing and/or calling them out about it. Anger has returned and I don't have a reliable outlet for that anger, and I feel that affects my behavior day-to-day. The most significant manifestation of the confluence of all these feelings, the depression, the futility, the frustration, the anger, is shutting myself away from the outside world, not wanting to burden other people with my perceived weights and not wanting other people to contact me only when they want or "need" something from me.

Objectively, I know some things went good for me and some went bad over this time. I failed a class and had to put off college graduation a little further, but I'm currently passing and am confident that I will finish this semester a proper college graduate. I have obtained a contract gig that pays money, but the actual work is not as consistent as I would like. I haven't felt motivated to exercise in a long time, but past experience has shown that I'm capable of progress once I actually do it, so I feel that it's simply a matter of time before I return to the routine I once had.

The stress I feel from the frustration, anger, and depression has manifested itself most significantly as a desire to overeat. I do not feel that this overeating is driven by the supposed energy requirements of DMSI 3.1 and so far the increase in fat mass has shown that food intake and existing body fat are not being considered for energy sources by the scripting that supposedly says for the body to choose reliable energy sources for powering changes. I feel this is the most important thing Shannon should look at for 5.5G and beyond; despite a minority of people here claiming they're "skinny enough" that sourcing body fat isn't viable, in my opinion this should be looked into further as the number one source of energy for sub-powered changes. People underestimate just how much body fat they truly have and there is no such thing as a "healthy" amount of excess body fat in 2018. I know in the past Shannon has said that sourcing body fat safely has not yet panned out, I feel confident in his ability to figure out how to make that happen.

I know that I'm just N=1 for my own experience. Nevertheless, I hope that the info I provide here can help Shannon make progress towards improving DMSI to help people achieve the stated goals and subliminal motivational audio usage in general, as well as help people here make better informed decisions on which subliminal audio program to choose to listen to at any given time.