I get so emotional baby - EPHRA2

[kenpachi]

Some of you might recognize me from pheromone stuff, if you do, hi.

I started EPHRA2 on Friday 6th May so I am now on Day 6. Up to now I resisted doing a journal because I don't like sharing things about myself, but it seems right in this moment.

Things I've noticed so far:

-More relaxed when it's playing. Using public transport while it plays there's less tension in my body.

-Paradox of having really good sleep but being tired in the day. When I wake up my body feels tingly.

There's a consistent pain in my chest. Sort of like an emptiness. It's like the majority of my body flows like water but in my chest there's an iceberg. I don't mind the pain, let's me know it's working.

Planning to run this till 6G stuff comes out so should be a long run. I probably won't share much personal information or life events, just inner thoughts and feelings which take place.

[maxx55]

Hey Kenpachi! Just wanna say your journal title is hilarious dude! Have fun with your run!

[4Kingdoms]

Planning to run this till 6G stuff comes out so should be a long run. I probably won't share much personal information or life events, just inner thoughts and feelings which take place.

That's a great goal. However, keep in mind...
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7145-p...#pid108506

HyperCompression Technology #1: This backport 6G technology allows the program to achieve word-per-minute rates that average about 650% of standard 5G, meaning each hour of listening is the equivalent of listening to about 6.5 hours of a standard 5G program.

Looking at this I am wondering if the 8-hour-minimum-rule really applies for EPRHA 2.0. I notice, that I am not that exhausted like with the 5G's, but even with 6 hours listening, it is like my brain is processing the sub for another 8 hours or so afterwards.

You may feel like I did that you won't have to run it that long!! Everyone is different and are getting different results at different rates of speed.

As far as sharing personal information, life events, inner thoughts, and feelings. Share as much or as little as you feel you think may benefit the next person that is deciding to use EPHRA2.

[kenpachi]

Hey Max! Thanks for the kind words. I need to get an avatar etc sorted out, I'll do it later. (Where's that overcome procrastination sub?)

4Kingdoms, nice to meet you. Right you are, we'll see how I go. Saw Shannon say around the 6 month mark was good.

So, at the moment: pain. In the chest. Still. Hurts.

But despite it, I'm in a happy mood. It being sunny helps.

I keep having dreams where police are chasing me. They never catch me, but it's like constant dread and a feeling that they will eventually and by running I'm just putting off the inevitable... it doesn't take Freud to figure that one out

Another one is that I'm in a car driving but I can't control the car. I keep narrowly avoiding crashing but again, I know it's inevitable that I will crash, but in the dream I never do. Same theme as the previous one I guess.

WHEN. WILL. I. CRASH?

[kenpachi]

Day 12

Had an interesting weekend. Went to a get together with some friends for some drinks and stuff. I remember having the urge to get really really drunk and unfortunately I did, to the point of being sick. I went into no memory drunk mode which is always aggressive and was trying to get people to hit me. Didn't hit anyone myself thankfully. I stayed over at there's and left in the morning, got called a "liability" in a playful way but knew deep down it was true. If it stings when they say it then you know there's truth to it.

This is a pattern of mine with alcohol, I LOVE being drunk, but I know if I drink too much I will get aggressive. By too much I mean it takes a lot, with a normal amount I'm very outgoing, friendly and loving. But when I drink I always want to drink more, the drunker I get the harder it is to stop because I forget that the aggressive blackout type drunk is an eventuality. So I won't do it again for about a year, but then in a year I will forget again and it will repeat. I hope I wont, but its happened enough times now where I'm sure it will again.

Two days later I was still feeling a bit shakey and depressive. In my dream I was asleep in bed and it was pitch black and my door opened and I look up and it's a figure dressed all in white, even covering the face, walking like a zombie toward me. The white sheet covering the face falls off and its my mother and shes' acting like the exorcist, possessed and shit, trying to kill me. I'm trying to stop her from killing me and not hurt her at the same time, trying to get her to regain consciousness. I woke up shouting which has never happened to me before.

Sounds like a silly dream looking back now, but at the time it was scary as fuck.

[Shannon]

What you are describing as your response to being drunk and alcohol is a situation in which some part of you wants to escape something. Usually it is guilt, shame, fear, emotional pain and/or physical pain. It seeks the alcohol as an easy escape. But escaping is not the correct answer. It leads to misery, and prolonged misery at that. The real goal for you should be to identify what/why you respond that way, and seek healthy coping and healing mechanisms. Alcohol as a coping mechanism is and always has been an abject failure. That's part of why I do not partake of alcohol; it only makes things worse.

EHPRA 2.0 will help with this, a lot. I definitely suggest 6months minimum, given these facts to consider. Use EHPRA 2.0, but also start trying to learn the root issues and how you can cope and heal them in healthy ways, instead of alcohol. You can achieve the state you love without ever drinking again if you succeed in healing them and outgrowing them, and replacing alcohol with healthy coping and management mechanisms.

[kenpachi]

Absolutely right, Shannon. Are there any good reading materials you could recommend to help me on healing to supplement the subliminal?

DAY 15

A few cool things happened lately:

-I sent a really long email to my bosses telling them I was unhappy with the current situation at work and felt I was getting used. Only a while after the fact did I realize this was quite a big step. They responded really positively and said we would discuss it further.

-I care way less what people think of me. It used to be a curse that when I was in a public place, I would wonder if anyone was looking at me, am I getting any IOIs, do I appear attractive, etc. It caused tension. Now I care way less - I wear a cap and plain running trainers for comfort, I have headphones in, I'm reading or writing on my phone, and am way less invested in what people think. That's a huge step for me. I don't care how I look whereas before I would obsess over it.

-In the office I speak louder and joke more.

-I don't worry as much about events in the future. I take things 1 step at a time, and far less seriously as a result.

-The pain in my chest hit a peak and now seems to have largely disappeared. If I focus on it then it comes back a bit, but it doesn't feel as suffocating any more.

[kenpachi]

DAY 18

I swapped from listening via headphones when I sleep which was really uncomfortable to setting up a pair of speakers either side of my head in bed. Now I wake up and my brain feels fatigued, this didn't happen with headphones, but my results seem to have shot up dramatically.

Having high self-esteem is something I've found really elusive before. I can imitate an alpha and for a while I can put myself in the mindset of one and convince other people I am one, but I've never fully BEEN it before. It's always been an act.

This sub has helped me realize what having self-esteem is actually like. I wake up and it feels like there's permanent sunshine on my body. My mood is always high. The depressive stuff I went through was resistance, and now it's dissolved I can't believe how good I feel now.

This weekend I went to a club with some friends and at one point quite late on, everyone's drunk, the musics blaring, its strobe lighting, people are dancing and I stood and realized: this isn't actually fun. I don't want to be here right now. And I didn't bother hiding the fact I felt miserable, I didn't care what anyone thought.

Then weird enough, a girl out of nowhere grabbed me and kissed me. Forcibly, she was okay looking but it wasn't enjoyable and I pushed her off. If a guy did that to a girl he'd be kicked out and possibly arrested, but I didn't care that much to make a fuss about it.

This has happened once before to me in a club (kiss raped) about 3 years ago now. Both times, I've been stood watching everybody and having a deep insight. The first time I was watching my friends dance at university and felt a deep rush of love and warmth, feeling lucky to have such a great group of people to hang around with, when a girl grabbed me and her friends had to pull her away. This time I felt a rush of "Is this all there is?" deep insight when this girl did it.

So yeah, weird. Not sure what to make of it.

Really enjoying the sub though, I hope the AOS in 5G isn't released too soon because the temptation to swap will be high and I want to stick with this sub for a long time.

[Shannon]

I'm planning to release it before the 26th if possible. Better steel up.

[kenpachi]

I'm planning to release it before the 26th if possible. Better steel up.

Haha, damn it. Maybe I will run both at the same time... :angel:

*Shannon's head explodes*

[Benjamin]

Hahaha are you psychic? What made you think that?

I'm laughing cos I was actually thinking about this yesterday. I thought "hmm maybe I could do it a month to see how it goes then do E2" "or alternate them". It does make the decision harder.

Really I know I need to do E2 for other reasons and to deal with other things. But it's so fucking tempting.

[Shannon]

I'm planning to release it before the 26th if possible. Better steel up.

Haha, damn it. Maybe I will run both at the same time... :angel:

*Shannon's head explodes*

Epic FAIL.

[CatMan]

LOL, poor Kenpachi being trolled hard by Shannon .

*Releases all sorts of epic programs during your run*

XD

He's really pushing that "Overcome the urge to change subs to avoid dealing with things the program is helping you with." bulletpoint to the limit!

[Benjamin]

LOL, poor Kenpachi being trolled hard by Shannon Tongue.

*Releases all sorts of epic programs during your run*

Hahaha all this time new awesome programs coming out when i'm listening to another program, and I only just know now it's a method of trolling!

Guess it's better than not many programs to choose from though.