01-01-2017, 06:11 PM
(Warning, more internal results than external below)
Well, I had some kinda of breakthrough today. This is going to be long so bear with me. I got in 2 loops because even though I thought I set my clock to start my loops 3 and half hours before I leave for work it actually was set to lower than that (tricky resistance maybe). Anyway, when I played it this time I got a totally different response then I did yesterday. Instead of intense emotions I just got prompted to re-examine my life to how I got here and what my issues I was holding on to. It was like one of those "ah-ha" moments I get during introspection while on a sub.Things that got pointed out to me:
-I realized I'm not a intellectually truly, thats just a mask I wore out of fear.I remember there was a time in my life when I was very extroverted and spontaneous instead of introverted and intellectual. I was still curious about things but instead of a INTP I probably have to guess that I was a ENTP or ENFJ. I was way more authentic and extroverted back then but soon the indoctrination began.
- once I got into a private junior high school I was constantly mocked for my voice (my voice became more mono-tone) and I started to just become more quiet and intellectual to kinda of hide myself from ridicule. I thought that being "myself" was unacceptable and responded to that. I started acting more beta to "fit in" with the majority of guys in the class who were also beta.
- My step father (the "other guy" who stepped into the picture) had a little bit of balls earlier in the relationship but after a while he was a shell of his former self and gave into every demand that my mother had. He never stood up to her about anything and just simply gave in to her no matter how wrong she was. On top of this I have lived pretty much in or around San Francisco my entire life (not exactly the shinning example of masculinity).
- Through out school and life in general I saw no one really hold women responsible for anything and just hold them up on a pedestal. I never saw anyone hold a women accountable except for a few exceptions. I was always being held to a standard and punished if I didn't follow it but every time a woman got caught not upholding a standard they were giving a free pass as early as elementary school. This would later cause a lot of resentment that I wasn't aware of.
- In the military this became even more apparent. I saw women totally destroy men's careers with lies and even when they were caught in lies they faced no punishment. For example, one chick I knew of wanted to sleep with a guy and when they did she felt remorseful of it in the morning. She then claimed that he raped who (even though most people knew he would't do anything like that) his career got destroyed and he got kicked out of the navy. This same chick did this again to another guy but luckily there were too many witnesses. Even though she got caught lying she got no punishment what so ever even though she could have ended up destroying his life. I witnessed many, many more events like this from different women. This just build the resentment along with me not getting sexual access because I was being "beta" like everyone indoctrinated me to be like. Another time I had a wall paper on my computer that featured the female version of the avengers (it was not raunchy or very sexual) yet I was told to change it by several male higher ups. Not one woman complained but that didn't mean anything. These males were "afraid" that a woman was going to get "offended".
- The big straw came when I developed PTSD. As I had already mentioned in my AM6 journal it came when I had almost committed suicide 3 different times. What I didn't mention is that 2 of those 3 times were caused by women.
While contemplating all these individual events along with many others that were connected there was a description of women that I felt in the back of my head that I feel my subconscious had accepted. Basically women = unreliable, untrustworthy, and dangerous. On top of this I should resent them because of all I've witnessed. Interesting towards the end of this introspection, I came to a conclusion. Like a scientist realizes that his sample of data has become contaminated I realized that "My understanding has become tainted and I need to re-evaluate everything I know". I realized that it was tainted because I had been surrounded by domineering women who never got held accountable and by male Beta-cucks who were pushovers. I never got to really see anything else but that. Its like my subconscious had a "Plato's cave" moment were it realized that there was more to the world than the shadows on the cave's walls. Of course I knew a lot of this consciously but it seems like my subconscious has finally come to terms with this years later.
Anyway, didn't want to tell my life's story but it felt like my subconscious finally went into "acceptance" mode. I'm not expecting lots of external results suddenly , because I think its still coming to terms with this but I think this might the start of a para dime shift because I think my subconscious is really starting to really question the old beliefs. I don't think its sold on DMSI yet but at the same time its seriously questioning the old beliefs.
I have a question Shannon, Is there a lag between when you start to accept the suggestions and you see results. Like your subconscious goes from resistance to questioning old beliefs to acceptance, then implementation? Is there a kinda of progression to how the subconscious finally truly accepts new beliefs?
Today
----------
Not much to report today. Still getting the celebrity affect more and more but nothing sexual yet. I do know though that after my subconscious start to question old beliefs I felt a lot lighter and happy. We shall see what happens in the coming weeks.
Well, I had some kinda of breakthrough today. This is going to be long so bear with me. I got in 2 loops because even though I thought I set my clock to start my loops 3 and half hours before I leave for work it actually was set to lower than that (tricky resistance maybe). Anyway, when I played it this time I got a totally different response then I did yesterday. Instead of intense emotions I just got prompted to re-examine my life to how I got here and what my issues I was holding on to. It was like one of those "ah-ha" moments I get during introspection while on a sub.Things that got pointed out to me:
-I realized I'm not a intellectually truly, thats just a mask I wore out of fear.I remember there was a time in my life when I was very extroverted and spontaneous instead of introverted and intellectual. I was still curious about things but instead of a INTP I probably have to guess that I was a ENTP or ENFJ. I was way more authentic and extroverted back then but soon the indoctrination began.
- once I got into a private junior high school I was constantly mocked for my voice (my voice became more mono-tone) and I started to just become more quiet and intellectual to kinda of hide myself from ridicule. I thought that being "myself" was unacceptable and responded to that. I started acting more beta to "fit in" with the majority of guys in the class who were also beta.
- My step father (the "other guy" who stepped into the picture) had a little bit of balls earlier in the relationship but after a while he was a shell of his former self and gave into every demand that my mother had. He never stood up to her about anything and just simply gave in to her no matter how wrong she was. On top of this I have lived pretty much in or around San Francisco my entire life (not exactly the shinning example of masculinity).
- Through out school and life in general I saw no one really hold women responsible for anything and just hold them up on a pedestal. I never saw anyone hold a women accountable except for a few exceptions. I was always being held to a standard and punished if I didn't follow it but every time a woman got caught not upholding a standard they were giving a free pass as early as elementary school. This would later cause a lot of resentment that I wasn't aware of.
- In the military this became even more apparent. I saw women totally destroy men's careers with lies and even when they were caught in lies they faced no punishment. For example, one chick I knew of wanted to sleep with a guy and when they did she felt remorseful of it in the morning. She then claimed that he raped who (even though most people knew he would't do anything like that) his career got destroyed and he got kicked out of the navy. This same chick did this again to another guy but luckily there were too many witnesses. Even though she got caught lying she got no punishment what so ever even though she could have ended up destroying his life. I witnessed many, many more events like this from different women. This just build the resentment along with me not getting sexual access because I was being "beta" like everyone indoctrinated me to be like. Another time I had a wall paper on my computer that featured the female version of the avengers (it was not raunchy or very sexual) yet I was told to change it by several male higher ups. Not one woman complained but that didn't mean anything. These males were "afraid" that a woman was going to get "offended".
- The big straw came when I developed PTSD. As I had already mentioned in my AM6 journal it came when I had almost committed suicide 3 different times. What I didn't mention is that 2 of those 3 times were caused by women.
While contemplating all these individual events along with many others that were connected there was a description of women that I felt in the back of my head that I feel my subconscious had accepted. Basically women = unreliable, untrustworthy, and dangerous. On top of this I should resent them because of all I've witnessed. Interesting towards the end of this introspection, I came to a conclusion. Like a scientist realizes that his sample of data has become contaminated I realized that "My understanding has become tainted and I need to re-evaluate everything I know". I realized that it was tainted because I had been surrounded by domineering women who never got held accountable and by male Beta-cucks who were pushovers. I never got to really see anything else but that. Its like my subconscious had a "Plato's cave" moment were it realized that there was more to the world than the shadows on the cave's walls. Of course I knew a lot of this consciously but it seems like my subconscious has finally come to terms with this years later.
Anyway, didn't want to tell my life's story but it felt like my subconscious finally went into "acceptance" mode. I'm not expecting lots of external results suddenly , because I think its still coming to terms with this but I think this might the start of a para dime shift because I think my subconscious is really starting to really question the old beliefs. I don't think its sold on DMSI yet but at the same time its seriously questioning the old beliefs.
I have a question Shannon, Is there a lag between when you start to accept the suggestions and you see results. Like your subconscious goes from resistance to questioning old beliefs to acceptance, then implementation? Is there a kinda of progression to how the subconscious finally truly accepts new beliefs?
Today
----------
Not much to report today. Still getting the celebrity affect more and more but nothing sexual yet. I do know though that after my subconscious start to question old beliefs I felt a lot lighter and happy. We shall see what happens in the coming weeks.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche