01-12-2016, 05:39 AM
day 35
The depression is back. ASC has to be really working. Im pretty much fed up by everything right now and seem to be unable to release it. Im really tired and its as if I face an solid wall that is firm in place and just keeps me imprisoned. How much i want to release it and let go, this wall seems to be unmovable and im getting pretty angry over it. All attempts to release it is met with an fear, all genuine realness is met with feelings of backlash. Im feeling like crap and am pissed off at everyone and the world in general maybe. As an result i seem to cancel stuff which I really shouldnt. isolation is not something that I enjoy at all and want to avoid. Spend to much dealing with isolation.
I want this day to be over with although it started pretty much okay. people do fall in trance with me and want to be noticed by me, its very Obvious. My mindset seems to change besides the depression to maybe more seductive and softened. i have an weak spot for discipline somehow and am order-minded.
Im just fed up with it and with bullshit.
The depression is back. ASC has to be really working. Im pretty much fed up by everything right now and seem to be unable to release it. Im really tired and its as if I face an solid wall that is firm in place and just keeps me imprisoned. How much i want to release it and let go, this wall seems to be unmovable and im getting pretty angry over it. All attempts to release it is met with an fear, all genuine realness is met with feelings of backlash. Im feeling like crap and am pissed off at everyone and the world in general maybe. As an result i seem to cancel stuff which I really shouldnt. isolation is not something that I enjoy at all and want to avoid. Spend to much dealing with isolation.
I want this day to be over with although it started pretty much okay. people do fall in trance with me and want to be noticed by me, its very Obvious. My mindset seems to change besides the depression to maybe more seductive and softened. i have an weak spot for discipline somehow and am order-minded.
Im just fed up with it and with bullshit.