04-05-2013, 08:51 AM
Had a realization these past few days. Mostly to do with making music. In the past I went through something that wasn't really writers block. It was more like fear of actually making the music. I'd leave everything for a while and be too afraid to sit down and make something. I still kind of have that fear, but I think I'm slowly moving past it. Anyway I realized that I was too caught up in comparing myself to better producers or distressed that my sound wasn't good enough. But I was reading an interview with this guy and he said that it's not about the end product so much as the enjoyment you get out of creating music. Something clicked and I realized that I completely lost sight of doing my own thing and just enjoying the process of getting better. There's definitely a difference between focus on improvement vs being way too much of a perfectionist and being paralyzed by fear. I think this ties into my fear of criticism a little, which I also had an epiphany about.
I realized after all this that fear really is something worse than the actual outcome most of the time. It's this feeling that says to you "Don't do that, something bad will happen." I guess it would be ok if you were two stories up and thinking about jumping. But stuff like job interviews, talking with people, following dreams, etc. the fear just puts such a biased perspective on things. So it was this realization that it's not the actual situations that I avoid, it's really just that fear.
And as enlightening as that is, I recognize that I still do have that fear. But like making music, I can't compare myself to others and I just have to focus on making the best of things instead of being a perfectionist and saying I need to be more of this or that. It's not giving up or ending my self growth, it's realizing that I'm my own individual and I have to do what is right for me.
Even with these insightful thoughts I recognize that there will be some days where I completely forget about them or have my low days. And I think I'm ok with that now because I don't see those bad days as failing anymore. I just see it as something that I have to deal with, if they happen they happen. As much as I'd like to believe that I have complete control over my emotional state, I don't. I'm only human. But I'll never give up and I'll keep moving forward.
I realized after all this that fear really is something worse than the actual outcome most of the time. It's this feeling that says to you "Don't do that, something bad will happen." I guess it would be ok if you were two stories up and thinking about jumping. But stuff like job interviews, talking with people, following dreams, etc. the fear just puts such a biased perspective on things. So it was this realization that it's not the actual situations that I avoid, it's really just that fear.
And as enlightening as that is, I recognize that I still do have that fear. But like making music, I can't compare myself to others and I just have to focus on making the best of things instead of being a perfectionist and saying I need to be more of this or that. It's not giving up or ending my self growth, it's realizing that I'm my own individual and I have to do what is right for me.
Even with these insightful thoughts I recognize that there will be some days where I completely forget about them or have my low days. And I think I'm ok with that now because I don't see those bad days as failing anymore. I just see it as something that I have to deal with, if they happen they happen. As much as I'd like to believe that I have complete control over my emotional state, I don't. I'm only human. But I'll never give up and I'll keep moving forward.