Day 14:
Wow, 2 weeks already. Ive had an interesting 24 hours.
I've felt a shift in my masculinity. I hadn't fully understood the implications but it makes sense when I think about it now. I grew up in a family consisting of resentful emotionally unavailable women. No father figure around and my grandpa isn't the greatest masculine role model. I suspect from an early age I got the message that men were bad and internalised that guilt and shame.
It started yesterday afternoon when I went to the cafe to chat with the owners. They are husband and wife. I was naturally charismatic, and funny. I was just being me. I felt sexier, more at ease in my skin. She bosses him around something shocking (he just takes it), and I was teasing her every time she did it and she loved it. She totally shit tested me at one point as well (which I only noticed after I left). I mention something about my ex gf and she goes 'I thought you were gay', and I go 'well that's a funny story actually...'. She's like 'tell me tell me!', and I turn away from her and go 'nah I don't know you well enough...'. She then points at her husband and goes 'he's gay, guys pinch his ass all the time' (he gets all embarrassed) to which I said 'I wish someone pinched my ass' haha. I would have froze up if a girl put me on the spot like that 2 weeks ago.
Usually I would have felt bad for being confident and flirty with a girl while her man was there but I didnt. I was just being natural and having fun.
Today I feel confident, more accepting of myself, and more masculine and dominant. I was walking down the street and felt more deserving of hot women and more turned on by them. I even walked into this motorbike shop and go 'how much is that bike?', he's like '$9000', Im like 'ok that's my goal then' and walk out, he's like 'see you soon!'. Haha.
Wow, 2 weeks already. Ive had an interesting 24 hours.
I've felt a shift in my masculinity. I hadn't fully understood the implications but it makes sense when I think about it now. I grew up in a family consisting of resentful emotionally unavailable women. No father figure around and my grandpa isn't the greatest masculine role model. I suspect from an early age I got the message that men were bad and internalised that guilt and shame.
It started yesterday afternoon when I went to the cafe to chat with the owners. They are husband and wife. I was naturally charismatic, and funny. I was just being me. I felt sexier, more at ease in my skin. She bosses him around something shocking (he just takes it), and I was teasing her every time she did it and she loved it. She totally shit tested me at one point as well (which I only noticed after I left). I mention something about my ex gf and she goes 'I thought you were gay', and I go 'well that's a funny story actually...'. She's like 'tell me tell me!', and I turn away from her and go 'nah I don't know you well enough...'. She then points at her husband and goes 'he's gay, guys pinch his ass all the time' (he gets all embarrassed) to which I said 'I wish someone pinched my ass' haha. I would have froze up if a girl put me on the spot like that 2 weeks ago.
Usually I would have felt bad for being confident and flirty with a girl while her man was there but I didnt. I was just being natural and having fun.
Today I feel confident, more accepting of myself, and more masculine and dominant. I was walking down the street and felt more deserving of hot women and more turned on by them. I even walked into this motorbike shop and go 'how much is that bike?', he's like '$9000', Im like 'ok that's my goal then' and walk out, he's like 'see you soon!'. Haha.
