02-10-2016, 10:08 AM
day 13
i've noticed some changes with confidence, posture, and the general way I carry myself. others have noticed too, and made it a point to make it known.
the other day i was walking through the neighborhood and i passed by a couple women with their children waiting on the school bus to drop off the school kids at the corner, in the neighborhood. I heard a dog barking very loudly at some 2 year olds running around the fence where the dog was behind. I turned and quickly got ready to run and square up with the dog, in readiness to protect the kids. I want to say this is natural instinct, to "protect the village children", but I know for fact that before, there has been a moment of hesitation right when my action could potentially be needed, which I see now is a delay caused by fear.
The important thing is not that the kids really needed protection from the dog, it was my automatic response to be willing and able to protect them at a moment's notice, which is pretty cool. it caused a positive feedback loop for myself, as i was proud of my heart's readiness to protect little kiddo's. which led to self love, which made me walk to my destination with my chest out a little more, and my chin up a little higher. A healthy dose of confidence caused by a healthy response to a real life situation.
Now for a strange situation which happened yesterday. There's this stray cat named charlie that orbited our property that everyone knows I love with all my heart. A lot of the other guys and girls loved him too. Unfortunately, yesterday he was hard of breathing and was taken to the vet who then euthanized him, so now baby charlie is no longer with us. everyone kept asking me if i'm okay and how i'm handling it... and to be honest, yes there is an emptiness i feel but it's not sad. it's not overbearing. i'm not depressed. i'm completely okay with it, and in fact i'm wondering if it's F***ed up that i don't feel sad about this! my female friend was completely in tears but not me.
idk how that is fear related, but it's something that has been developing in me since I started the sub journey, so it might have something to do with the supplemental programs contained in AM6 and SM3 in addition to OF.
i've noticed some changes with confidence, posture, and the general way I carry myself. others have noticed too, and made it a point to make it known.
the other day i was walking through the neighborhood and i passed by a couple women with their children waiting on the school bus to drop off the school kids at the corner, in the neighborhood. I heard a dog barking very loudly at some 2 year olds running around the fence where the dog was behind. I turned and quickly got ready to run and square up with the dog, in readiness to protect the kids. I want to say this is natural instinct, to "protect the village children", but I know for fact that before, there has been a moment of hesitation right when my action could potentially be needed, which I see now is a delay caused by fear.
The important thing is not that the kids really needed protection from the dog, it was my automatic response to be willing and able to protect them at a moment's notice, which is pretty cool. it caused a positive feedback loop for myself, as i was proud of my heart's readiness to protect little kiddo's. which led to self love, which made me walk to my destination with my chest out a little more, and my chin up a little higher. A healthy dose of confidence caused by a healthy response to a real life situation.
Now for a strange situation which happened yesterday. There's this stray cat named charlie that orbited our property that everyone knows I love with all my heart. A lot of the other guys and girls loved him too. Unfortunately, yesterday he was hard of breathing and was taken to the vet who then euthanized him, so now baby charlie is no longer with us. everyone kept asking me if i'm okay and how i'm handling it... and to be honest, yes there is an emptiness i feel but it's not sad. it's not overbearing. i'm not depressed. i'm completely okay with it, and in fact i'm wondering if it's F***ed up that i don't feel sad about this! my female friend was completely in tears but not me.
idk how that is fear related, but it's something that has been developing in me since I started the sub journey, so it might have something to do with the supplemental programs contained in AM6 and SM3 in addition to OF.
