day 59 ( 37 days remain + whatever is needed )
Feeling pretty annoyed right now. Strong thoughts and feelings of doubt regarding the sub and perhaps resistance. Its one big mindfuck currently. I know the sub works but right now, its as if being in nothingness. No feeling or whatsoever and just plain nautral doubt. Its like an battle in my head going on, faint feelings popping up, feeling overtly monitoring resulting in being to much in my head. feeling somewhat sad aswell and slightly depressed. Slight discouragement overall
Yesterday the sub seemsd to push towards doing it for 192 days. It shows how addicting it is and how strong this sub is. It felt right to run it for 192 days. My mind was on fire, visionairy thoughts came up and my head was hot. It also gave an sense in relief and an realisation as to how much playground it gets that way and how serious its been taken. My mind combats right now.
Also confidence is an wide spectrum and area of my life.
Ultrasonic plays. Wave masked track played with sleepphones. Woke up several times with sleepphones off or slipped. Unsure amount of exposure.
Edit: Fuck I am annoyed. Yes, if this is in violation, ship it over to the men's section, i dont care. Nothing personal, just mere bluntness currently now. Some deep wound has been opened right now and now im on an annoyance stream goling on, this rawness and lack of censoring is exactly that. Im still indifferent and acceptance is key. I realise that ASC polarizes, sets me apart, causes an opposition in everyday life aswell all for the self-made puprose and deeper independence and confidence. There is no way i can decide how the sub works only that it works, how it works, as it works. Doubt is slowly fading away. Its massive. Im feeling all charged yet currently frozen on spot while its processing and working through. Its also pretty neat how the sub seems to steer me away from the internal changes and causing an development of deeper trust in the listener and oneself. Like, "Im taking it from here, dont worry". Its no denial of the inner world, its just going even deeper then it went before. Developments. In the end I can only listen to the sub and go through the changes. Press and play and thats that.
The resistance thats pops up, the doubt and such seem to be outside my scope of control for some reason. It just happens. Might sound victimized but its not. It just doesnt matter. The sub takes me whole again. Its going under to later surface again subtle and not so subtle, getting more obvious as it reveals, like rising tides and build up water.
Feeling pretty annoyed right now. Strong thoughts and feelings of doubt regarding the sub and perhaps resistance. Its one big mindfuck currently. I know the sub works but right now, its as if being in nothingness. No feeling or whatsoever and just plain nautral doubt. Its like an battle in my head going on, faint feelings popping up, feeling overtly monitoring resulting in being to much in my head. feeling somewhat sad aswell and slightly depressed. Slight discouragement overall
Yesterday the sub seemsd to push towards doing it for 192 days. It shows how addicting it is and how strong this sub is. It felt right to run it for 192 days. My mind was on fire, visionairy thoughts came up and my head was hot. It also gave an sense in relief and an realisation as to how much playground it gets that way and how serious its been taken. My mind combats right now.
Also confidence is an wide spectrum and area of my life.
Ultrasonic plays. Wave masked track played with sleepphones. Woke up several times with sleepphones off or slipped. Unsure amount of exposure.
Edit: Fuck I am annoyed. Yes, if this is in violation, ship it over to the men's section, i dont care. Nothing personal, just mere bluntness currently now. Some deep wound has been opened right now and now im on an annoyance stream goling on, this rawness and lack of censoring is exactly that. Im still indifferent and acceptance is key. I realise that ASC polarizes, sets me apart, causes an opposition in everyday life aswell all for the self-made puprose and deeper independence and confidence. There is no way i can decide how the sub works only that it works, how it works, as it works. Doubt is slowly fading away. Its massive. Im feeling all charged yet currently frozen on spot while its processing and working through. Its also pretty neat how the sub seems to steer me away from the internal changes and causing an development of deeper trust in the listener and oneself. Like, "Im taking it from here, dont worry". Its no denial of the inner world, its just going even deeper then it went before. Developments. In the end I can only listen to the sub and go through the changes. Press and play and thats that.
The resistance thats pops up, the doubt and such seem to be outside my scope of control for some reason. It just happens. Might sound victimized but its not. It just doesnt matter. The sub takes me whole again. Its going under to later surface again subtle and not so subtle, getting more obvious as it reveals, like rising tides and build up water.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
