Arctic Fox's EPRHA V2 Journal

[ArcticFox]

My brain is such a stubborn f**k. Every step of the way it resists. So close to quitting the sub, thinking how much longer I can carry this on?

Another girl burnt tonight. Potential sex but took the high road, how i got out of it though would have been a psychiatrists dream. Pure reversal and switch, why? A normal dude would have just ***** here then left her to deal with it. Im like a nice guy but still end up being a c**t (edit - that doesn't get laid!)

It sounds like you're making progress brother. No one ever mentions the uphill battle that progress entails. The long painful march to get one step further than the last attempt. But you keep doing it because eventually that one last step gets you onto the plateau and life is easy and magical and the beer flows like wine.

In my experience, being aware of the constant screw ups is simply another way that your mind learns. You have to see and deal with the mistakes, usually for what seems to be waaaaay too many times, before you overcome them. Otherwise how would you understand how to not make them anymore?

Sorry you're having a tough time lately. I haven't read any of the journals outside of the ones I've been considering for the future the past couple of weeks or I would have seen you were having a bad time. You're always welcome to shoot me a message if you need someone to talk to man! I work way too much but I'll get back to you when I'm able.

Thanks Nox, I appreciate you checking in! Its nice to have some verbal support! I know everyone on the forum supports each other and lots of people read this journal which I'm always very grateful for.

Yeah it has been rough, i looked back on last week and thought "Did that actually happen, was that me, what was i thinking!?" its really bizarre. But like you say its a way to learn more about yourself and increase personal discovery.

I've been drinking and partying, not out of control but enough to where its affected my life. I think a lot of the problems i had last week and further in the past have been due to poor diet and too much alcohol.

So this month I have decided to run a Whole30 diet (which is pretty much Paleo) for February, which means no booze. I also started Anthony Robbins Personal Power II as well so my February should be an interesting one!!

Thanks again for checking in Nox and I will message you if/when things get rough.