This has nothing to do with BASE, but I need to write it somewhere in order to process it. It's related to personal growth... in a relatively weird way, so why not write it here.
As I've said before, I've never been the type to look for a committed relationship... until recently. I knew I was avoiding junk on the back of my mind so I just decided to fall for this girl I knew for a long time... and I fell as hard as I consciously could, even though a (not-so-)well-trained intuition was telling me to pull back and play the game for a bit.
Without going into details, seemingly through no one's fault there was a clusterfuck and now we're on our separate ways. I know for a fact that "playing the game" would have prevented that from happening, but still... I'm glad I didn't. I'm not opposed to "playing a game", but I knew I had this fear of rejection and, well... dying alone. It's hard to play a game if part of me thinks it's real.
I'm hurting like crazy and I'm licking my wounds, but honestly... if I thought there was some other way to scrape this junk off... I would have done it. Anyway, I'm already looking at the situation (and relationships in general) differently, hopefully I'm going to continue clearing stuff up and get even better. Overall, it seems to have been worth it, especially since we've remained friends with her.
This past month was just... something else.
As I've said before, I've never been the type to look for a committed relationship... until recently. I knew I was avoiding junk on the back of my mind so I just decided to fall for this girl I knew for a long time... and I fell as hard as I consciously could, even though a (not-so-)well-trained intuition was telling me to pull back and play the game for a bit.
Without going into details, seemingly through no one's fault there was a clusterfuck and now we're on our separate ways. I know for a fact that "playing the game" would have prevented that from happening, but still... I'm glad I didn't. I'm not opposed to "playing a game", but I knew I had this fear of rejection and, well... dying alone. It's hard to play a game if part of me thinks it's real.
I'm hurting like crazy and I'm licking my wounds, but honestly... if I thought there was some other way to scrape this junk off... I would have done it. Anyway, I'm already looking at the situation (and relationships in general) differently, hopefully I'm going to continue clearing stuff up and get even better. Overall, it seems to have been worth it, especially since we've remained friends with her.
This past month was just... something else.
