72 Days left of 92 Days
Oh, OF 5G is out. Cool. But at this moment there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that ASC is my sub. I feel I like been dragged through hell today, but on some level I've enjoyed every second of it. Very clear and absolutely obvious results on confidence, despite that my upper chest, neck and face have been so tight the whole day I thought many times I won't be able to socialize with this much tension.
So tons of resistance, but I don't really see it resistance, as something bad. Its just that I have so much fear, doubt, etc, and now I have the chance to face it. I would've gladly faced them before but its like I didn't know how. Like you're inside a car and you're supposed to turn it, but there's no steering wheel. Now on ASC its like I've gotten on a train that goes through the House of Horrors. Like ASC is taking over my body and I'm acting very confidently and making connections, and there's the old me inside just looking at what's happening and he's experiencing all the fear of doing it, while the body is busy being confident. Just a little shock therapy. That's cool. Yes, count me in.
Something I've encountered is a fear of success. I think the sub is setting me up to become this larger-than-life persona that is very visible, very opinionated, speaks his mind, and people trust him because he's so strong and secure. The fear is that what if become someone like that, how will I be able to maintain it? What if I change subs and become weaker for some other reason, will everyone just eat my alive when I don't have that strength anymore? But yeah, its just a fear. Its based on this assumption that having confidence is a struggle and requires this massive effort to keep it up. But I hope this will not be the case in the end.
I set the countdown for 96 days, but right it seems very likely I'll do 192. But I'll leave it for now and check again around day 64.
This is how people look when I talk now (except for the frightened children lol). All eyes on me.
![[Image: meerkat-tribe-2.jpg?w=480]](https://thewiddershins2.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/meerkat-tribe-2.jpg?w=480)
Oh, OF 5G is out. Cool. But at this moment there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that ASC is my sub. I feel I like been dragged through hell today, but on some level I've enjoyed every second of it. Very clear and absolutely obvious results on confidence, despite that my upper chest, neck and face have been so tight the whole day I thought many times I won't be able to socialize with this much tension.
So tons of resistance, but I don't really see it resistance, as something bad. Its just that I have so much fear, doubt, etc, and now I have the chance to face it. I would've gladly faced them before but its like I didn't know how. Like you're inside a car and you're supposed to turn it, but there's no steering wheel. Now on ASC its like I've gotten on a train that goes through the House of Horrors. Like ASC is taking over my body and I'm acting very confidently and making connections, and there's the old me inside just looking at what's happening and he's experiencing all the fear of doing it, while the body is busy being confident. Just a little shock therapy. That's cool. Yes, count me in.
Something I've encountered is a fear of success. I think the sub is setting me up to become this larger-than-life persona that is very visible, very opinionated, speaks his mind, and people trust him because he's so strong and secure. The fear is that what if become someone like that, how will I be able to maintain it? What if I change subs and become weaker for some other reason, will everyone just eat my alive when I don't have that strength anymore? But yeah, its just a fear. Its based on this assumption that having confidence is a struggle and requires this massive effort to keep it up. But I hope this will not be the case in the end.
I set the countdown for 96 days, but right it seems very likely I'll do 192. But I'll leave it for now and check again around day 64.
This is how people look when I talk now (except for the frightened children lol). All eyes on me.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
