Overcoming Approach Anxiety with a Positive Attitude

[Spiral]

I begin OAA tonight. I've been using Positive thinking for close to a month now and 2 or 3 nights by itself. I will use both together for the next 32 days 6 hours a night each of them.

since coming off alpha I had lots of doubts yesterday... today I'm much more neutral and willing to let certain things play out but I'm really ready to take charge. I'm going to be more different now. I'm just going to acknowledge anyone I cross paths with. Whether it's a smile or hello. I just want to change that and be consistent with it. I'm determined to make some new friends as well.

Speaking of which.. I dreamt last night that I was with an old buddy of mine and he was hooking up with all of these hot girls... we were at some sort of party.. just him and I with a bunch of girls. In fact we were about to leave together for some reason but he decided to stay and talk to more girls after hooking up with a couple. I left down on myself and doubtful and envious of my buddy. I just couldn't talk to any girls.. I ignored them all and felt a sigh of relief as soon as I stepped outside. I didn't like this dream at all.. but that fact that I actually felt an emotion of envy throughout the dream is a good sign according to these dream interpretation sites. Let's see what happens over the next month.

[Benjamin]

Hey Spiral,
Sounds like it is at first bringing up things you have anxiety about then it will let them go.

Do you usually have anxiety or negative emotions about other guys or friends getting girls if you don't?

I know I do actually, i've had a few friends who were naturals and I couldn't help but get annoyed. That's something for me to work on.

I'm finding my dreams starting with bringing up these resistances then clearing them and evolving.

-Ben

[Spiral]

Yea it has caused problems in the past. I got a buddy who literally does nothing and women flock to him. I have another buddy who is very extroverted and is grimy and dirty but can be very classy at the same time with the ladies. Then I have another buddy who just lives in the moment but he has to try hard to get girls but when he sets his sights on one he will get her 90% of the time. Most if not all of my other friends get some on a regular basis so I'm the only one sort of on the otherside. It's been tough over the years but it hasn't bothered me as much in the last couple.

I could have been feeling jealousy... both those words mean almost the exact same thing. In this context I think they do.

[Spiral]

Today was odd at work. I was catching everyone's eye today because of my post yesterday I want to make that small change where I acknowledge anyone I'm walking by. It does feel odd doing it all the time..and I must admit I didn't do it everytime I passed by someone going down the hall today at work. But it's not like I'm walking around that often to one office to the next so I need to make it a point now to just make eye contact with anyone willing to do the same no matter how weird it could get for the other person. I'm just thinking it could get weird because.. I was letting some of the smaller things get to me today.. and I noticed today I havn't been speaking in my full deep voice lately. This is mainly do to my breathing. I felt like I was in a rush today.. mainly because I wasn't relaxed and during my social interactions today I didn't have balanced breathing.. and it wasn't full either hence why my speech wasn't as deep and powerful today. I was upset with myself when I got home... but I soon let it go after I did some meditation. I'm actually in a good mood now.. The best mood I've been in while being in my house alone probably ever for a good 4 hours now. I think I need to slow things back down a bit for tomorrow and the coming days.

[Aram]

Hey Spiral, it's cool that you are on the journey of overcoming approach anxiety. I thought I might share something that has helped me when I did that.

What I found out when I wanted to get more social, talk to girls and whatever and it was hard for me is that I that I also avoided doing other things all the time, daily. For example at my school they had some booths with people representing different companies, where you could go up and talk to them and ask them stuff. They were also giving out a special bag with free drinks, notebooks, soap and some other small stuff for those who came up and talked to them. I wanted to get a bag of the free stuff but didn’t really want to talk to them. So when I got the desire to do that a thought came up “Oh, they'll think I’m rude for just going up and taking a bag without trying to talk to them and have a conversation”. I just said fuck it and went and picked one up. Later my friend told me the woman standing there gave me a angry stare, whatever haha. Another one that happened to me recently was that I was standing in line to get to the club and it was a long line and I didn't want to stand there. I saw that a guy I knew worked as the bouncer and I thought "maybe I should ask him if he would let me in", but then I thought "well I don't want to disturb him, I mean I don't really know him too well and I can stand in line, it's not that long" I realized this and said fuck it and just went up to him, he was super friendly and let me in, no problem.

The thing is I used to to this all the time and just surrender to my excuse. Like I was at a club and I was wondering what time the club closes and theres some staff standing next to me but I don’t ask because I find some excuse not to like “I’ll just find out later”.

This may seem minor but I became aware of it and realized I had this happening to me all day. I'd have a desire, but a second after that an excuse would come up for not doing it. And this shit would add up during the day and I realized I was avoiding stuff all day.

THEN I see some girls or people that I want to talk to but I can't, I have approach anxiety. I beat myself up and am angry that I have approach anxiety and I really need to work on that. Well, the reason is that I’ve been avoiding and making excuses even before I started to think about approaching, even before I got to the club, actually, I have been avoiding stuff all day! And all this small bullshit stuff that builds up and creates momentum to build up anxiety and fear. I became aware of that, stopped it before it gained momentum and consciously started doing what I wanted and before I knew it approaching became easy.

Anyway, I thought my experience might help you in some way. Good luck.

[Spiral]

Thanks, Aram. I can relate to this very easily! I can approach anyone outside of a club.. but it's the club/bar environment that gets me. People are there to mingle and potentially hook up with others and that seems to throw me off because I don't want a girl to think I'm just talking to her to hook up with her or something. I'm there to just be there and if it happens great. So I think there's an excuse in that sentance that holds me back from approaching women in clubs. I don't have problems making eye contact with people but I think I just come off as very intimidating so no one will approach me unless I approach them. And consciously being aware is really what helped me change my approach on approaching people in public. I've caught so many people off guard with just simple questions that are important to me at that time. I just started saying fuck it. Next time I go out I will just take things slower.. and breath and just walk up slowly to a group of people and ask them what's up. I've done it before.. don't know why I stopped doing it somewhere along the way.

[Spiral]

Well, I havn't been doing the whole smiling bit to people that walk by. I've been making eye contact but I think there must be a slight frown going on in my forehead. I have a crease due to alot of frowning moments early on in life so it kind of looks like I do that all the time even when my face is relaxed. I have a friend however who walks around most of the time with a pleasant smirk on his face and he does this while also straining his forehead back. I naturally do this when I make a huge grin at something like a joke or a pretty woman I'm talking to.

On the way home though I figured I should start doing this because I should strive to be different. I was doing it all last weekend... but I was with my friends and I was in a very very good place. I for some reason can't bring that back home with me. Don't get me wrong I'm in a good place now.. a content place. But this past weekend I had so much energy.. I was the man.. and had no insecurities or cares in the world. So I'm going just reframe this in my mind. "It's fun grinning at strangers."

However the last couple of days I have been dealing with some resistance to the new subs. I havn't had a whole lot of negativity come up due to the positive thinking sub which is great! But I believe the OAA sub is causing some resistance right now since it's fairly new. I'm guessing in a few weeks I'll actually become more sociable to complete strangers which will be fun.

[Cortez]

I think you will. The overcome approach anxiety works pretty damn well, not just for approach anxiety, but ALL anxiety.

[RainbowAbyss]

yeah it works great, I was on it but I couldn't take the complete lack of anxiety lol
I had to kick it for DAS just cause I was uncomfortable being that chill and comfortable lol,
a little flutters in the body push me a long way, I'll do a couple more weeks on it though in the near future. I already had no approach anxiety from alpha but never cared to approach usually but after a week on overcome aproach anxiety I was talking to girls every which way and where ever I went.

[Spiral]

Well, unfortunately I am pissed off at the world and myself right now. This could be amped by some form or resistance but I'm wondering how happy I really am with my current situation. I know I'm not as happy as I could be at all.. I feel like an outcast right now. After this month I may take another month to use Happiness and Joy or I might just drop Positive Thinking all together.

EDIT: Ok, well I'm feeling a little better because I disconnected from other people's thoughts. I don't know what they are saying or thinking anyways so why worry about it and get pissed off. And I just need to be patient, listen to these subs, and enjoy the opportunities of the future as much as possible.

At least I've made strides at work and I say good morning to everyone I pass by now. Been doing that all week consistantly. Just in the past I usually wouldn't say anything if that person is usually always in a shitty mood or even if the person is feeling good. I would let those negative people bring me down and when I was around more positive people I'd be an a more emotionless state. I need to continue to relax and breathe and just take things slowly.

[Spiral]

I had a dream I died last night. Never had one as vivid as this one. This is a great sign!

[WildFlower]

I had a dream I died last night. Never had one as vivid as this one. This is a great sign!

Since using these newer version subs, I've had many symbolic death and rebirth dreams. Usually not real deal, but something very symbolic of it.

[Cortez]

I've also noticed that the 4g subs seem to affect dreams more than the old ones.

Cool, Spiral. Death dream is definitely a good sign! Perhaps the death of anxiety? After all, doesn't every fear generally stem from fear of death in one way or another?

[Spiral]

Yea, anxiety is the root of all fear for sure. I really feel like the cage is starting to come down.. but I'm missing the motivation and drive. My indifference is high but I also believe my ego is conflicting because saying hi or making a comment to a woman or man at the grocery store is just still uncomfortable. I may run OAA for a month to two months because it would be a nice pre req for sex magnet.