So I was just having some thoughts and pondering a few things. I'm still unaware of just how much past events can influence one's behavior. I don't remember a lot of my childhood, but I remember one event in particular that might have caused some emotional trauma. I was probably only in 4th or 5th grade. I don't remember why the event happened all I remember is the actual event. Anyway, these two girls pretty much verbally abused me calling me a loser, stupid, idiot, all the while destroying something I owned. I don't remember exactly what they said or how long they said it, but it was pretty much a direct attack on me. Now at that point in time I didn't have as much awareness and understanding as I do now, after all I was just a kid. So a lot of that hurt me pretty badly.
I'm wondering if I was traumatized to some degree and at my young age made a hasty association with girls=danger. Granted, most guys have some degree of anxiety around girls, but sometimes it feels almost like a phobia for me. Even after getting to know them better I still have a lot of fear and uncertainty that makes me very reserved. Sometimes even if cute girls give me signs of interest it scares me. I pretty much see them as a threat. It's a very primal reaction that overrides a lot of my logical mind and the only reason I can give for it is that event I had as a child.
But like I said, I'm not 100 percent sure how the mind internalizes these things. I hate using past events as excuses for my behavior, but at the same time I can't help but feel that they are linked. I think events that produce a lot of emotion in the body tend to build associations at an incredibly fast rate. Which in my case fear and avoidance was the learned response to girls at a very young age. Over the years I was almost always exposed to girls so it only strengthened the association that developed.
I'm hoping the sub can sort out this problem. So far I've been feeling better, but I can tell I've still got a lot going on inside my subconscious with regards to negative beliefs.
I'm wondering if I was traumatized to some degree and at my young age made a hasty association with girls=danger. Granted, most guys have some degree of anxiety around girls, but sometimes it feels almost like a phobia for me. Even after getting to know them better I still have a lot of fear and uncertainty that makes me very reserved. Sometimes even if cute girls give me signs of interest it scares me. I pretty much see them as a threat. It's a very primal reaction that overrides a lot of my logical mind and the only reason I can give for it is that event I had as a child.
But like I said, I'm not 100 percent sure how the mind internalizes these things. I hate using past events as excuses for my behavior, but at the same time I can't help but feel that they are linked. I think events that produce a lot of emotion in the body tend to build associations at an incredibly fast rate. Which in my case fear and avoidance was the learned response to girls at a very young age. Over the years I was almost always exposed to girls so it only strengthened the association that developed.
I'm hoping the sub can sort out this problem. So far I've been feeling better, but I can tell I've still got a lot going on inside my subconscious with regards to negative beliefs.
