Day 17
Quite tired. At work, there's a situation where a partner hasn't done their job and is trying to make it look like it was our fault. My colleagues want to just let it go, but I'm pushing that we make our statement very clear and precise to make sure there's no room for him to twist things in his favor. Pisses me of, but I'm not obsessing over it or anything. The trip to Asia is not going to happen, conflicting schedules. Well, something smaller then.
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Day 20
I've been noticing that I smile a little more. For example, on the bus home from work I was a little stressed and looked around me and such. There were 1 or 2 women that I'd say were good looking, but they seemed distant (busy, avoidant, stressed) as usual. Anyway, closed my eyes just to relax and meditate and when the tension starts clearing there's.. well, just a joy of some sort that starts to take over. Its not uncommon. So at some point I'll open my eyes and realize the girl I'd noticed before (who I thought looked sad almost) is looking right at me with a slight smile on her face. Very strong and relaxed eye contact. I must've been smiling to myself, so I guess she joined me, but I was so surprised I only held it for a few seconds and then slowly turned my head to look out the window, as a reflex. And then when I looked back she looked the same as before: stressed, maybe a little sad. I know this is nothing, but it was sort of this weird dissonance thing again where I though I must've been dreaming just a second ago.
I sometimes go to dance classes as well, and there ASC has been noticeable because everything feels easier than before and its quite natural to be pushing and pulling girls this way and that. Its like "Yeah I know this, just go there. *push push push* Good. Stay."
Today I've been really interested in Stress Relief. I read what I could find and then I even played it for maybe 2 hours, just to see if I'd get the initial feeling of it. And I did: sort of like after a massage and that "ah oh my god yes, I can finally let go of all that". Then when I switched back to ASC, maybe the feeling is more I'd just accomplished something, like I'd just won the olympics and I'm traveling home.
While testing SR I realized that I can't really even vision what my life would be like without stress. That's a little alarming, I think. If I put of the lens of "stress" and start looking at my life and how I life it, then it becomes pretty clear that stress is... well its what I do, its my primary job and how I "solve" things. I'm currently in this mess where I spend a lot of time by myself and I just can't seem to make decision about what I should do with my life, or even with my day. Feels like everything is just wasting time, like no decision is good enough because I should be doing something better, more useful, more meaningful, or just general stress that it wouldn't go well. That's why I'm doing ASC. OF didn't sound right because I'm not exactly scared. But stress and negativity in SR, those sound like they hit the nail on the head exactly. For example, I'm very identified with having very little social stamina (although its a lot better now than it used to be). That's because it gets stressing after a while, I start straining which increased the stress and then I'll get tired and still try to resist it. I guess that's a definition of introversion, but still. Sometimes I'll have nothing to do, I'll think about calling someone up, but it feels stressful so I won't do it. Lame. Seems like ASC and SR are very similar in how they operate, sort of flip sides of the same coin. ASC being more aggressive and ego-driven, more alpha, whereas SR could be more accepting, relaxed, positive. Passive, not sure in the long run? I could see SR getting me very sensual (relaxed + sexual) with the ladies, whereas ASC is more of a direct-hit dominant effect. But maybe its straining and resisting more than SR, which would make it build on an unstable foundation. ffaux if you happen to read this rant, feel free to comment.
I though SR must be somewhat close to tapping. I stress a lot about wanting something. And then when tapping you feel the tension in your body and mind, and then you let it go. So the results would be something like in "Tapping for PUAs", where you have the figure where the guy has cleared all the red negative/stressing beliefs out and even a normal level of positive beliefs is enough for him to take action. ASC maybe builds you up a little more and then you push through with more force and momentum.
ION: I reached out to an old fb of mine and it seems I'll be going to spend a weekend with her in a couple weeks. It seems Natious is right: all you need to do is ASC.
EDIT: Oh right, I seem to be a little more comfortable with phone calls.
EDIT2: Elliot Hulse's stuff seems to line up with that bit of SR / releasing body tension (LINK)
EDIT3: But ASC still seems viable. Increasing confidence should lead to more positive and safe experiences and those should lead to an increased ability to take risks. So, it should move (restore) my comfort zone further, and that should also help with this helplessness I've been feeling lately (hard to success at work / in the job market, etc.). I have noticed some evidence of increased risk taking, not its just a matter of giving it time.
Quite tired. At work, there's a situation where a partner hasn't done their job and is trying to make it look like it was our fault. My colleagues want to just let it go, but I'm pushing that we make our statement very clear and precise to make sure there's no room for him to twist things in his favor. Pisses me of, but I'm not obsessing over it or anything. The trip to Asia is not going to happen, conflicting schedules. Well, something smaller then.
-----------------------------
Day 20
I've been noticing that I smile a little more. For example, on the bus home from work I was a little stressed and looked around me and such. There were 1 or 2 women that I'd say were good looking, but they seemed distant (busy, avoidant, stressed) as usual. Anyway, closed my eyes just to relax and meditate and when the tension starts clearing there's.. well, just a joy of some sort that starts to take over. Its not uncommon. So at some point I'll open my eyes and realize the girl I'd noticed before (who I thought looked sad almost) is looking right at me with a slight smile on her face. Very strong and relaxed eye contact. I must've been smiling to myself, so I guess she joined me, but I was so surprised I only held it for a few seconds and then slowly turned my head to look out the window, as a reflex. And then when I looked back she looked the same as before: stressed, maybe a little sad. I know this is nothing, but it was sort of this weird dissonance thing again where I though I must've been dreaming just a second ago.
I sometimes go to dance classes as well, and there ASC has been noticeable because everything feels easier than before and its quite natural to be pushing and pulling girls this way and that. Its like "Yeah I know this, just go there. *push push push* Good. Stay."
Today I've been really interested in Stress Relief. I read what I could find and then I even played it for maybe 2 hours, just to see if I'd get the initial feeling of it. And I did: sort of like after a massage and that "ah oh my god yes, I can finally let go of all that". Then when I switched back to ASC, maybe the feeling is more I'd just accomplished something, like I'd just won the olympics and I'm traveling home.
While testing SR I realized that I can't really even vision what my life would be like without stress. That's a little alarming, I think. If I put of the lens of "stress" and start looking at my life and how I life it, then it becomes pretty clear that stress is... well its what I do, its my primary job and how I "solve" things. I'm currently in this mess where I spend a lot of time by myself and I just can't seem to make decision about what I should do with my life, or even with my day. Feels like everything is just wasting time, like no decision is good enough because I should be doing something better, more useful, more meaningful, or just general stress that it wouldn't go well. That's why I'm doing ASC. OF didn't sound right because I'm not exactly scared. But stress and negativity in SR, those sound like they hit the nail on the head exactly. For example, I'm very identified with having very little social stamina (although its a lot better now than it used to be). That's because it gets stressing after a while, I start straining which increased the stress and then I'll get tired and still try to resist it. I guess that's a definition of introversion, but still. Sometimes I'll have nothing to do, I'll think about calling someone up, but it feels stressful so I won't do it. Lame. Seems like ASC and SR are very similar in how they operate, sort of flip sides of the same coin. ASC being more aggressive and ego-driven, more alpha, whereas SR could be more accepting, relaxed, positive. Passive, not sure in the long run? I could see SR getting me very sensual (relaxed + sexual) with the ladies, whereas ASC is more of a direct-hit dominant effect. But maybe its straining and resisting more than SR, which would make it build on an unstable foundation. ffaux if you happen to read this rant, feel free to comment.
I though SR must be somewhat close to tapping. I stress a lot about wanting something. And then when tapping you feel the tension in your body and mind, and then you let it go. So the results would be something like in "Tapping for PUAs", where you have the figure where the guy has cleared all the red negative/stressing beliefs out and even a normal level of positive beliefs is enough for him to take action. ASC maybe builds you up a little more and then you push through with more force and momentum.
ION: I reached out to an old fb of mine and it seems I'll be going to spend a weekend with her in a couple weeks. It seems Natious is right: all you need to do is ASC.
EDIT: Oh right, I seem to be a little more comfortable with phone calls.
EDIT2: Elliot Hulse's stuff seems to line up with that bit of SR / releasing body tension (LINK)
EDIT3: But ASC still seems viable. Increasing confidence should lead to more positive and safe experiences and those should lead to an increased ability to take risks. So, it should move (restore) my comfort zone further, and that should also help with this helplessness I've been feeling lately (hard to success at work / in the job market, etc.). I have noticed some evidence of increased risk taking, not its just a matter of giving it time.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
