01-18-2016, 08:25 AM
I've actually been feeling really better. One of the most noticeable things is I'm starting to feel good about the small progress I make instead of criticizing myself for not working hard enough or being good enough. I've been so abusive to myself over the years. Constantly comparing myself to people better than me. For some reason I thought it was important to constantly measure myself up to people and work on improving myself to be better. I wasn't running my own race and every day I wasn't as good as someone else I felt awful. Also by constantly putting myself down I was able to avoid perceived failure, by not really striving for anything.
And something else I've realized. The difference between hard work and emotional stress. Hard work means being consistent, following through, and evaluating yourself objectively to see what needs to be improved. Emotional stress is telling yourself you're not good enough, you suck, you'll fail, you should quit, etc. The two overlapped in my case and I came to view hard work as all those emotionally stressful things. Once I understood the separation between them I realized working hard at something didn't have to be the incredibly stressful thing I perceived it to be.
I'm not completely free of that negative internal dialogue yet, but it's been getting easier to not listen to what it has to say. Like it doesn't hold as much weight as before which I think is a good sign of progress for me.
And something else I've realized. The difference between hard work and emotional stress. Hard work means being consistent, following through, and evaluating yourself objectively to see what needs to be improved. Emotional stress is telling yourself you're not good enough, you suck, you'll fail, you should quit, etc. The two overlapped in my case and I came to view hard work as all those emotionally stressful things. Once I understood the separation between them I realized working hard at something didn't have to be the incredibly stressful thing I perceived it to be.
I'm not completely free of that negative internal dialogue yet, but it's been getting easier to not listen to what it has to say. Like it doesn't hold as much weight as before which I think is a good sign of progress for me.
