yesterday was....interesting.
For some reason when I arrived at work this one girl made an snarky comment and threw me in full on beta modus. It was pretty much internal but her comment did strike an nerve and the old "dont say anything or.."stemming from the past came full on back. My mood swinged from self censoring, to anger but the mask did not fall off. I did not like it, I felt blocked and was very much sucked in outcome dependence. I felt pretty needy. I did read about re-framing the whole thing, and changing how receiving such attitude but this didnt hold. It was all pretty much depressing to the point I went in conflict. This was beyond moody and i could barely handle it. For some reaosn my eye contact was less touched by all of this, even when I got angry, I still made eye contact and scanned with people.
Went home eventually and read on John Alexanders "how to become an alpha male"great read by the way, while listening to ASC ultrasonic.
Later that day came in contact with old contacts. I have been an smoker for 7 years and ASC seems to block most substance intentions, like it says "no". makes sense as Im adopting healthy lifestyle lately and picking up elements of that. It just is compatible and gives some weird effects even when Im not running ASC at that moment.
I didnt let anyone set the frame. I did notice instances of validation seeking but furthermore I was pretty much in the zone and being leader was picked up by the people around me. Everyone in sight became an social source and I was filled with urges to approach. the gap closed. Also, words lost value, not so hung up on words. This seems to be something big, more playfull. At one point at said friends house, I asked if there is some event in town, so I could go socialize. I knew I would succeed, there was not an single doubt in my mind at all that I would succeed.
I felt incredibly euphoric, attractive and seductive. I indentified some inner abstract self image. I oozed attraction when I looked in the mirror. No-one could hold eye contact and they broke of first, while before I was the one that didnt even could make eye contact to begin with.
I felt very light aswell, like, no thought.
Im still struggling with censoring at times, it is not consistent, like ASC hasnt claimed full ground in my subconscious yet, resulting in censoring, limitations and slight depression, the annoyance is there which may be an sign. Like some wall is holding me back. Even on these forums. This external permission seeking and validation sucks. Clearly some inner issues. When ASC kicks in fully, these issues seem to be absent. Relax.
For some reason when I arrived at work this one girl made an snarky comment and threw me in full on beta modus. It was pretty much internal but her comment did strike an nerve and the old "dont say anything or.."stemming from the past came full on back. My mood swinged from self censoring, to anger but the mask did not fall off. I did not like it, I felt blocked and was very much sucked in outcome dependence. I felt pretty needy. I did read about re-framing the whole thing, and changing how receiving such attitude but this didnt hold. It was all pretty much depressing to the point I went in conflict. This was beyond moody and i could barely handle it. For some reaosn my eye contact was less touched by all of this, even when I got angry, I still made eye contact and scanned with people.
Went home eventually and read on John Alexanders "how to become an alpha male"great read by the way, while listening to ASC ultrasonic.
Later that day came in contact with old contacts. I have been an smoker for 7 years and ASC seems to block most substance intentions, like it says "no". makes sense as Im adopting healthy lifestyle lately and picking up elements of that. It just is compatible and gives some weird effects even when Im not running ASC at that moment.
I didnt let anyone set the frame. I did notice instances of validation seeking but furthermore I was pretty much in the zone and being leader was picked up by the people around me. Everyone in sight became an social source and I was filled with urges to approach. the gap closed. Also, words lost value, not so hung up on words. This seems to be something big, more playfull. At one point at said friends house, I asked if there is some event in town, so I could go socialize. I knew I would succeed, there was not an single doubt in my mind at all that I would succeed.
I felt incredibly euphoric, attractive and seductive. I indentified some inner abstract self image. I oozed attraction when I looked in the mirror. No-one could hold eye contact and they broke of first, while before I was the one that didnt even could make eye contact to begin with.
I felt very light aswell, like, no thought.
Im still struggling with censoring at times, it is not consistent, like ASC hasnt claimed full ground in my subconscious yet, resulting in censoring, limitations and slight depression, the annoyance is there which may be an sign. Like some wall is holding me back. Even on these forums. This external permission seeking and validation sucks. Clearly some inner issues. When ASC kicks in fully, these issues seem to be absent. Relax.
