A Better Alex, stage 2: ASC Journal

[hiddenalias]

.....I am just afraid of breaking down and crying too when and if I start using ASC ... Deep rooted feelings of unhappiness may be present in my subconscious that I've blocked away over the years.....might come to surface?? I know it will have to be done but man I am afraid of going thru that "sad tearful moment"

This might be more or less obvious, but why are you afraid of crying? Crying is the easy solution! Its just a thing that happens and then its gone and you feel better. And it doesn't even feel that bad if you remove the "This is bad, no no no" that you might be telling yourself. There's no pain, its just the body releasing. Try kicking your toes to a wall and placing your hand in a fire, that's pain. If I cry of feel very bad like this, I'm usually also smiling on the inside, because I know I'm letting something go and I'll be better afterwards. Also, the redness around the eyes brings out the green in them, so I can't resist going to look at myself in the mirror afterwards :p Just be present with it, just a like little cold shower won't really hurt you if you remove the psychological fear of experiencing it.

What's hard on you on is always flinching away from the uncomfortable feelings and running away to eating, or TV or whatever. I used to get extremely "bored" right when I started meditating, the "bored" feeling actually being little else than discomfort that I felt I needed to run away to something more high-intensity that'd cover it up. Its been such a relief lately when I'm not running away from anything in my head. Much less stress.

Well I do have good cries taht make me "feel good" such as when I am getting deep into music I am listening to or deeply getting into a movie I am watching...as far as I can remember the main "negative sad " cries I've encountered in my life i think maybe was 2 or 3 in my whole life time (as an adult and that doesnt include childhood years).