12-26-2015, 02:54 AM
Stage 2 - Day 17
Merry Christmas everyone!
My first Christmas with my gf parents and her family in a country which language I haven't learnt.
I'm sitting by the window, writing this. There's a beautiful pond outside and it's raining.
Here's a clarifying piece I wrote about love vs. devotion right after I initiated a vulnerable talk with my girl.
There's a difference between love and devotion.
Devotion is an unwavering faith in someone that they are great, even when they really fuck up for some time.
My girl lost her devotion in me by pointing out the bad things I've been doing a lot lately.
It's chinking my heart away into small pieces every time.
On the surface it looks great but inside, when I looked deeper, it's a different story.
Question is: why?
Have I lost devotion in myself? So that my girl lost hers in me?
It probably is a big part of the why.
Now here's the tricky part:
How am I going to remember that part of myself forever?
So that when I do notice my girl losing faith in me I do something accordingly?
Do I renounce energy-consuming family/people that need me in their lives?
Or renounce things that often make me abusive of use in time and energy?
I think there's a better solution:
Start cultivating and build my life with these people in it, so I can spend energy and time with them and at the same time be a Great example to them.
The hard part is going to be how to spend my energy, focus and time throughout a day and limit what I expose myself to and at the same time having fun, without losing sight of the important.
Also the ability to say no to things so that I can keep being devoted to myself and not lose the sense of what's the most important: Being Devoted to Myself
And you can't be true with yourself if you are constantly distracted by things that aren't the most important to you.
I found truth while being here on the countryside.
The indicator was my boredness and the lack of how I wanted my life to look like.
Merry Christmas everyone!
My first Christmas with my gf parents and her family in a country which language I haven't learnt.
I'm sitting by the window, writing this. There's a beautiful pond outside and it's raining.
Here's a clarifying piece I wrote about love vs. devotion right after I initiated a vulnerable talk with my girl.
There's a difference between love and devotion.
Devotion is an unwavering faith in someone that they are great, even when they really fuck up for some time.
My girl lost her devotion in me by pointing out the bad things I've been doing a lot lately.
It's chinking my heart away into small pieces every time.
On the surface it looks great but inside, when I looked deeper, it's a different story.
Question is: why?
Have I lost devotion in myself? So that my girl lost hers in me?
It probably is a big part of the why.
Now here's the tricky part:
How am I going to remember that part of myself forever?
So that when I do notice my girl losing faith in me I do something accordingly?
Do I renounce energy-consuming family/people that need me in their lives?
Or renounce things that often make me abusive of use in time and energy?
I think there's a better solution:
Start cultivating and build my life with these people in it, so I can spend energy and time with them and at the same time be a Great example to them.
The hard part is going to be how to spend my energy, focus and time throughout a day and limit what I expose myself to and at the same time having fun, without losing sight of the important.
Also the ability to say no to things so that I can keep being devoted to myself and not lose the sense of what's the most important: Being Devoted to Myself
And you can't be true with yourself if you are constantly distracted by things that aren't the most important to you.
I found truth while being here on the countryside.
The indicator was my boredness and the lack of how I wanted my life to look like.
1. Do whatever you want.. risk whatever your gut tells you because.. you know you have good intentions.
2. Pressure forms the man.
3. Clarity gives space for better decisions.
