12-12-2015, 02:37 PM
Yeah so a ton of rumination has been going on in my life lately. And I've been falling right into it. When you've lived with negative thoughts and perspective for so long it's damn near impossible to catch it sometimes because you think of it as "normal".
When I think about it part of my difficulty with making change is because of my perception of things getting potentially worse. I've realized a lot of my worries like getting stuck in a bad job or slipping back into depression are all just worries. They aren't guaranteed, but sometimes I act as if I know they will happen to me. That's the fear I guess. The what ifs. I feel as if once I sort of break that barrier of fear and end up in favorable circumstances my life will improve. I just worry if the opposite happens I'll slip down further because it will confirm my fears.
I can almost see this barrier in my mind and recognize how absurd it is. I can see how I have nothing to be afraid of and so much more to gain. But it still holds so much power over me. But I've learned treating it as an enemy or something untouchable outside of myself doesn't help. I have to recognize that ultimately I'm doing this to myself and be aware of it.
When I think about it part of my difficulty with making change is because of my perception of things getting potentially worse. I've realized a lot of my worries like getting stuck in a bad job or slipping back into depression are all just worries. They aren't guaranteed, but sometimes I act as if I know they will happen to me. That's the fear I guess. The what ifs. I feel as if once I sort of break that barrier of fear and end up in favorable circumstances my life will improve. I just worry if the opposite happens I'll slip down further because it will confirm my fears.
I can almost see this barrier in my mind and recognize how absurd it is. I can see how I have nothing to be afraid of and so much more to gain. But it still holds so much power over me. But I've learned treating it as an enemy or something untouchable outside of myself doesn't help. I have to recognize that ultimately I'm doing this to myself and be aware of it.
