03-03-2011, 07:45 PM
Just having another one of my think out loud moments lol. Anyway as I'm progressing through alpha male I'm feeling way more dominant and in control. It's weird because I'm moving between two extremes, one where I was pretty much afraid of everyone and now where I pretty much project an aura of dominance. It's one of those things I feel, I don't consciously think about it, and it seems strangely normal to me.
But I think I have some resistance to this because I've lived in fear and people pleasing behavior for so long. There is no shame walking through life with authority and demanding respect from people. I guess I never really internalized that growing up. It's one thing to consciously be aware of it, but it's a whole different story when you actually feel it.
Also my indifference is through the roof lol. Unless I really want to talk to someone, I'm usually pretty quiet most the time. I'm comfortable with it too. In the past I'd always be like crap I should be more outgoing or I feel like a loser because I'm so alone. I just don't care much for anyones opinion of me lol because I'm just comfortable doing my own thing.
I'm working on being more present and just letting this subliminal do it's thing. Right now I feel like I'm still clinging on to my old self and my mind is telling me I'm not being authentic. But my old self was more of a product of negative beliefs and not my true self. It's one of those things where I tell myself to just relax and enjoy what happens, but my OCD mind keeps bombarding me with thoughts of this being "wrong". Inner turmoil you could say. I think this is just further proof that the beliefs are solidifying and kicking out the old ones.
But I think I have some resistance to this because I've lived in fear and people pleasing behavior for so long. There is no shame walking through life with authority and demanding respect from people. I guess I never really internalized that growing up. It's one thing to consciously be aware of it, but it's a whole different story when you actually feel it.
Also my indifference is through the roof lol. Unless I really want to talk to someone, I'm usually pretty quiet most the time. I'm comfortable with it too. In the past I'd always be like crap I should be more outgoing or I feel like a loser because I'm so alone. I just don't care much for anyones opinion of me lol because I'm just comfortable doing my own thing.
I'm working on being more present and just letting this subliminal do it's thing. Right now I feel like I'm still clinging on to my old self and my mind is telling me I'm not being authentic. But my old self was more of a product of negative beliefs and not my true self. It's one of those things where I tell myself to just relax and enjoy what happens, but my OCD mind keeps bombarding me with thoughts of this being "wrong". Inner turmoil you could say. I think this is just further proof that the beliefs are solidifying and kicking out the old ones.
