Arctic Fox's EPRHA V2 Journal

[ArcticFox]

Day 22

For some reason my subs playlist that mixes masked 3 hours into ultras then wakes me up with masked has stop working. Each night it has just repeated the first song (ultra) rather then the whole playlist.

So for the last 2 nights I have done 8 hours of ultras straight through the night and each day I have been very short tempered and generally irritable and angry.

• I've just had 2 bad nights sleep
  
• The subs are more effecting when just ultra so getting less rest so more tired and thus more angry
  
• My brain cant handle the 8 hour solid of ultras
  

Tonight I will fix the playlist so it switches between masked/ultra and report how I feel tomorrow. I will then switch back to just an ultra on Thursday night and see if there is a difference on Friday.

Thinking about it I'm right back into my old negative thought patterns, dwelling on past, jealous of what others have, angry, resentful, narcissistic, don't give a shit about family and f*** you attitude. I felt I was making a very slow simmering progression, but this has set me back.

Throughout my life my productivity goes from high to low normally every couple of weeks. I've been in an unproductive state for a month now and can feel my mind slowly trying to become more productive, lots of little signals. Normally I wouldn't notice this and I would just react and become super productive for a couple weeks.

I also had a big realisation that I always start stuff and never follow through with it, ever!