10-01-2015, 07:58 PM
Hey Guys,
Today's my 19th day in Stage 4. This has been my run during this time.
I've always heard people talk about anger energy channeling. Never understood what it was and could never do it. Whenever I felt anger building up, I'd do something stupid -- like sending an angry email, or making an idiotic comment -- which I'd regret minutes (if not seconds) after... However, I think now I am being able to feel the anger and use the energy to do something else. This feels really different than keeping the anger inside and letting it boil then dissipate by itself, and it's the first time I'm being able to do something like it.
Something very similar is happening when I start thinking about silly stuff. After maybe a couple of minutes in the thoughts, I realize they're doing absolutely no good. So I think to myself, "how is that helping me? I'm done spending health on this stupidity," and move on with life.
Social anxiety is fading away. I'm pretty much an introvert and avoid people on purpose at times. However, I felt a couple of times that when I tried to avoid people but couldn't, getting into the socializing mood was easier than before. So the initial push is not there, but building momentum is definitely getting easier.
Also, new habits are easier to keep up with. For example, I've got into meditation a couple of times before. However, whenever I'd miss a day, I'd give up on the whole habit altogether. I've been doing meditations for over a month now and I missed lots of days (mostly on weekends), but the motivation to keep up with it is not going away
Sometimes I force myself to do it, but I get in the mood fairly easily. I started by doing around 5 minutes at the beginning, now I get to 30 minutes of it effortlessly, without even feeling the time! This should be amplifying the results of the subs.
I now pay some conscious attention on my body language. Especially when walking with wide chest and shoulders, and sitting with a straight back. I've tried this previously, but it never felt congruent with me. I'd be ashamed in a way that I was having an open body language like that, but now it feels right, even when I'm feeling down or having a bad day. Kinda like "fake it til you make it" is making more sense to me in this regard.
Gym feels better. Not stronger in any way. I actually feel weaker, because I'm not eating as much. But it leaves me feeling better. Kinda like the feeling coffee gives you for 2 minutes after having it
I think I'm having the weirdest dreams in this Stage However, I had two sleepless nights around days 14-15 of it.
Down mood is almost inexistent in this Stage! I've only felt down for one day, and that was after the sleepless nights. Other than that, I feel either really good or normal. This is really huge to me, and I hope I keep it up!
Haven't masturbated in 35 days!
And something really interesting is happening. I'm having flashbacks and dreams about the older and older porn videos that I used to have. Some are even going back to high school times. That's like 13 years ago! It's like the healing is being done in layers. Same is happening with the previous relationships that I had. I keep on getting flashbacks about older times with previous girlfriends. Definitely some healing being done here in my opinion, and it feels good
Long post... I'll try to keep it shorter and more frequent going forward.
Today's my 19th day in Stage 4. This has been my run during this time.
I've always heard people talk about anger energy channeling. Never understood what it was and could never do it. Whenever I felt anger building up, I'd do something stupid -- like sending an angry email, or making an idiotic comment -- which I'd regret minutes (if not seconds) after... However, I think now I am being able to feel the anger and use the energy to do something else. This feels really different than keeping the anger inside and letting it boil then dissipate by itself, and it's the first time I'm being able to do something like it.
Something very similar is happening when I start thinking about silly stuff. After maybe a couple of minutes in the thoughts, I realize they're doing absolutely no good. So I think to myself, "how is that helping me? I'm done spending health on this stupidity," and move on with life.
Social anxiety is fading away. I'm pretty much an introvert and avoid people on purpose at times. However, I felt a couple of times that when I tried to avoid people but couldn't, getting into the socializing mood was easier than before. So the initial push is not there, but building momentum is definitely getting easier.
Also, new habits are easier to keep up with. For example, I've got into meditation a couple of times before. However, whenever I'd miss a day, I'd give up on the whole habit altogether. I've been doing meditations for over a month now and I missed lots of days (mostly on weekends), but the motivation to keep up with it is not going away
Sometimes I force myself to do it, but I get in the mood fairly easily. I started by doing around 5 minutes at the beginning, now I get to 30 minutes of it effortlessly, without even feeling the time! This should be amplifying the results of the subs.I now pay some conscious attention on my body language. Especially when walking with wide chest and shoulders, and sitting with a straight back. I've tried this previously, but it never felt congruent with me. I'd be ashamed in a way that I was having an open body language like that, but now it feels right, even when I'm feeling down or having a bad day. Kinda like "fake it til you make it" is making more sense to me in this regard.
Gym feels better. Not stronger in any way. I actually feel weaker, because I'm not eating as much. But it leaves me feeling better. Kinda like the feeling coffee gives you for 2 minutes after having it
I think I'm having the weirdest dreams in this Stage
However, I had two sleepless nights around days 14-15 of it.Down mood is almost inexistent in this Stage!
I've only felt down for one day, and that was after the sleepless nights. Other than that, I feel either really good or normal. This is really huge to me, and I hope I keep it up!Haven't masturbated in 35 days!
And something really interesting is happening. I'm having flashbacks and dreams about the older and older porn videos that I used to have. Some are even going back to high school times. That's like 13 years ago! It's like the healing is being done in layers. Same is happening with the previous relationships that I had. I keep on getting flashbacks about older times with previous girlfriends. Definitely some healing being done here in my opinion, and it feels good Long post... I'll try to keep it shorter and more frequent going forward.
INFJ
