Breaking format to report I might have had the breakthrough I was looking for. At this time of my life I very much needed such a thing, too.
Today (Monday, since I don't count change-of-day until 6am for silly childish reasons) was the first day in about a month I had went to the gym to do any sort of workout. I basically forced myself to go since I felt I needed to do it in order to regain some semblance of my former self. I got in 50 deadlifts (set of 20, than 12, 10, 8) of 60 lbs dumbbells before I lost whatever motivation I had, but I did it and I'm still at 60/arm, so I might even be able to raise it 5 lbs next time since the on-campus gym actually has dumbbells all the way to 90 or 95 lbs.
I did pull-ups and chin-ups a few minutes ago at the apartment (I have one of those Iron Gym door-frame easy-attach/remove pull-up bars). When I took the bar down I looked at myself in the mirror and flexed. I don't know if it was the distance from the mirror or a possible cloudy lens in my glasses, but for the first time in my life I saw in my reflection abs.
When I saw my reflection I felt my face tingle as I said to myself softly "it is achievable" and started crying tears of relief and possibly happiness. I'm starting to cry again tears of relief as I recount this.
It is achievable.
I needed something in my life to give positive results to reflect the efforts I've put in. I think I might now have hope again that putting genuine effort into something can give positive results, I think I just needed something tangible to show me it is indeed achievable.
It is achievable.
A far cry from just a few hours ago when my anger, frustration, sadness, and futility led to severe apathy and negative indifference on the train ride back from class. I feel I can now breathe again because...
It is achievable.
Today (Monday, since I don't count change-of-day until 6am for silly childish reasons) was the first day in about a month I had went to the gym to do any sort of workout. I basically forced myself to go since I felt I needed to do it in order to regain some semblance of my former self. I got in 50 deadlifts (set of 20, than 12, 10, 8) of 60 lbs dumbbells before I lost whatever motivation I had, but I did it and I'm still at 60/arm, so I might even be able to raise it 5 lbs next time since the on-campus gym actually has dumbbells all the way to 90 or 95 lbs.
I did pull-ups and chin-ups a few minutes ago at the apartment (I have one of those Iron Gym door-frame easy-attach/remove pull-up bars). When I took the bar down I looked at myself in the mirror and flexed. I don't know if it was the distance from the mirror or a possible cloudy lens in my glasses, but for the first time in my life I saw in my reflection abs.
When I saw my reflection I felt my face tingle as I said to myself softly "it is achievable" and started crying tears of relief and possibly happiness. I'm starting to cry again tears of relief as I recount this.
It is achievable.
I needed something in my life to give positive results to reflect the efforts I've put in. I think I might now have hope again that putting genuine effort into something can give positive results, I think I just needed something tangible to show me it is indeed achievable.
It is achievable.
A far cry from just a few hours ago when my anger, frustration, sadness, and futility led to severe apathy and negative indifference on the train ride back from class. I feel I can now breathe again because...
It is achievable.
A Better Alex (ISTJ): EPRHA → ASC → AM6 → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOS → DMSI → …
A Better Alex (ENFJ-T): AM6 → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOS → DMSI → …
A Better Alex (ENFJ-T): AM6 → …
