==Second 32 days done==
The second 32 days are done. I lack focus and feel completely unbalanced and uncalibrated.
I don't feel like I have deep friendships anymore, and the friendships I do have feel forced, like they're just humoring me and my issues because they have to entertain my presence involuntarily or something. I've been told I come on way too strong and intimidating, and that this is supposedly a bad thing. I no longer have any idea how much of this imbalance is Prozac, how much is ASC, how much is original me internally, and how much is external incongruence due to internal conflict.
Even though I'm keeping up with schoolwork I feel unmotivated to do much of anything. Every time I look back to see how far I've come I feels like I haven't made much progress. I just read an article on Good Looking Loser about looking back on the last 12 months and remembering how much fun you had; I only remember one occasion out of the last 12 month that I legitimately felt was fun, and it was my one-itis treating me to a birthday dinner back in April.
Reading sites like The Rational Male and Good Looking Loser reinforce how much I suck right now and how much my life sucks. It's really hard to not doubt myself and my efforts when I'm not getting positive external results, and I'm now beginning to doubt how truly successful I was previously. I have no job, I have no money, I have no girlfriend or sex partner, I have no deep friendships I can rely on anymore, I have no home, and I'm finally starting to doubt my decision to give up full-time work in favor of finishing school full-time.
People have told me I should be more present, but I feel the only thing keeping me alive right now is giving a post-degree good future a chance, since the pre-degree past and present suck. I get numbers but no conversions, and I feel that's an apt metaphor for my life right now.
The second 32 days are done. I lack focus and feel completely unbalanced and uncalibrated.
I don't feel like I have deep friendships anymore, and the friendships I do have feel forced, like they're just humoring me and my issues because they have to entertain my presence involuntarily or something. I've been told I come on way too strong and intimidating, and that this is supposedly a bad thing. I no longer have any idea how much of this imbalance is Prozac, how much is ASC, how much is original me internally, and how much is external incongruence due to internal conflict.
Even though I'm keeping up with schoolwork I feel unmotivated to do much of anything. Every time I look back to see how far I've come I feels like I haven't made much progress. I just read an article on Good Looking Loser about looking back on the last 12 months and remembering how much fun you had; I only remember one occasion out of the last 12 month that I legitimately felt was fun, and it was my one-itis treating me to a birthday dinner back in April.
Reading sites like The Rational Male and Good Looking Loser reinforce how much I suck right now and how much my life sucks. It's really hard to not doubt myself and my efforts when I'm not getting positive external results, and I'm now beginning to doubt how truly successful I was previously. I have no job, I have no money, I have no girlfriend or sex partner, I have no deep friendships I can rely on anymore, I have no home, and I'm finally starting to doubt my decision to give up full-time work in favor of finishing school full-time.
People have told me I should be more present, but I feel the only thing keeping me alive right now is giving a post-degree good future a chance, since the pre-degree past and present suck. I get numbers but no conversions, and I feel that's an apt metaphor for my life right now.
A Better Alex (ISTJ): EPRHA → ASC → AM6 → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOS → DMSI → …
A Better Alex (ENFJ-T): AM6 → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOS → DMSI → …
A Better Alex (ENFJ-T): AM6 → …
