A Better Alex, stage 2: ASC Journal

[apollolux]

==21 days done, month 2==
21 days done in the second month and I continue to be exhausted.

I feel anger and aggression, fatigue and weariness, internal conflict all the time. I scream into pillows on a daily basis now and still have not satisfied the feeling of wanting to punch walls. I continue to somehow get women's numbers but be unsuccessful in converting them to later meets. I also have the urge to regularly be around only people I trust, though I consider that the manifestation of my pre-existing desires to be social, sociable, and good with people. Maybe ASC is allowing me to give myself permission to be more discerning? Who knows. It feels a bit like conflicting desires, though, being only around people I trust and simultaneously reaching out to expand my social circle.

Yesterday I allowed a female friend of mine I actually trust to swipe for me on Tinder without letting me see who she chose. So far I haven't gotten matched with anyone I don't recognize, but she saved me some time swiping after I calibrated my preferences for her. I haven't had any success with Tinder, so I figured it would only help to have a second opinion. I've known her for a couple of years and I've grown to trust her to be direct and honest with me, given her no-nonsense attitude and approach to people.