09-12-2015, 05:56 PM
==16 days done, month 2==
16 days done in the second month and I'm exhausted.
Dealing with depression and medication to offset that depression is not a pleasant experience, and my efforts to connect with people, especially women, continue to frustrate me. I'm displaced to Westchester at the moment, which necessitates me waking up an hour earlier to make sure I can catch the extra train into the city to get to school.
I'm tired all the time and I don't feel like I'm presenting myself congruently with how I feel, and that's partly because I don't know how to present myself anymore and partly because I don't know how I "feel" anymore. There's a bombardment of positive messaging coming from ASC and it almost certainly conflicts with the existing negative messaging of how I feel naturally without it, and I don't want to outwardly present the inner turmoil. I feel anger and aggression all the time, sadness and depression, impatience with myself and others, and constant loneliness.
The biggest question I keep asking myself is "Why?" Why am I here? Why am I in this situation? Why aren't my efforts good enough? Why won't she love me? Why won't other people make the effort I'm making? Why don't I feel good enough?
16 days done in the second month and I'm exhausted.
Dealing with depression and medication to offset that depression is not a pleasant experience, and my efforts to connect with people, especially women, continue to frustrate me. I'm displaced to Westchester at the moment, which necessitates me waking up an hour earlier to make sure I can catch the extra train into the city to get to school.
I'm tired all the time and I don't feel like I'm presenting myself congruently with how I feel, and that's partly because I don't know how to present myself anymore and partly because I don't know how I "feel" anymore. There's a bombardment of positive messaging coming from ASC and it almost certainly conflicts with the existing negative messaging of how I feel naturally without it, and I don't want to outwardly present the inner turmoil. I feel anger and aggression all the time, sadness and depression, impatience with myself and others, and constant loneliness.
The biggest question I keep asking myself is "Why?" Why am I here? Why am I in this situation? Why aren't my efforts good enough? Why won't she love me? Why won't other people make the effort I'm making? Why don't I feel good enough?
A Better Alex (ISTJ): EPRHA → ASC → AM6 → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOS → DMSI → …
A Better Alex (ENFJ-T): AM6 → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOS → DMSI → …
A Better Alex (ENFJ-T): AM6 → …
