RERUN 3 AM5

[aswase]

Stage 5, day 2
So far, ive had a threesome; gaining a sex partner, and another potential around the corner. Ive been hanging tons with my buddy from highschool in college too, and have been partying nearly on the daily.


Im feeling depressed at the moment though.
A feeling of disconnection from people. Just a recent feeling/urge to be outcome dependant oncemore. Lately I havnt fallen into that; stage 4 is really strong, but tonight just isnt for me. Cant wait for all this stuff to finally be imprinted wholly in my brain.
Whatever I guess.


Also. The brain deadness is popping. again. People arnt laughing at what I say.. or aknowledging me at some points. Maybe need some more sleep. nbd. can catchup this afternoon after work at my new job.
Ive been down n out of lithium for the past two days, and im tryna figure out how long I can last without, but it really does help.

I dont want to use any of that shit, but what if my brain is really just different. Maybe permafried.
I can live with it. Just need to figure out what works for me. Maybe one day ill feel okay for real. Thats what I hope to achieve through these drugs.
Its fucked up... but what if its true?
Im not used to thinking this negatively.. ill just do my best. Its all I can do.

Maybe Im just dehydrated. Thats a bad habit of mine.

Drink more water.
Sleep a little more.
Drink more juice.
Eat more calories.
Take a multi.
Talk louder.
Stop smoking.
Take some lithium.
Immersion in social situations.
Tbc...