A Better Alex, stage 2: ASC Journal

[apollolux]

==28 days done==
28 days done and I still feel like crap. I broke down in tears again during my therapy appointment, this time about feeling alone in my struggle and not having any intimate love and support. I feel like I'm losing the willpower to survive and I told him I don't know how much longer I can endure this. This Wednesday I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to talk about a medication-based solution for my apparent depression.

I'm doing terribly emotionally, but apparently I've started regaining some motivation to learn. I finally started getting serious about learning useful SEO and resumed watching my iOS app development tutorial videos. Also, I find myself increasingly scouring forums and such for "distilled psychology," seduction and PUA stuff, and other plausible human behavior research, looking to hopefully filter out garbage info and figure out what makes people tick. It's kind of difficult because there's a lot of circlejerking and parroted stuff, and I still think about things too logically rather than emotionally unless I really force it.

On the flip side of the coin, I seem to be willing to speak more and more openly to people in person, whether I've known them for a long time or not, and post more on these boards. I hope the stuff I've been posting here is useful for someone.